WELL BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY

Processing.....nine years later

2010-09-09T20:38:00.004-04:00

I don't know if I've ever talked about the September 11th attacks here. And as someone who has made virtually every facet of their life an open book it's surprising that I don't talk about it more. The fact is that nine years later I'm still trying to process it all. I don't talk about because it's still so surreal and FRESH.....and so unbelievable.

On the morning of September 11, 2001 I was walking towards the World Trade Center. I had business in the building. I was wearing light colored gabardine pants, a white shirt and beautiful new boots that set me back a weeks pay. They were gift to myself for some fabulous achievement or another.

I remember feeling distraught about my life. I remember that the air was crisp and I remember looking at that brilliant blue September sky and thinking that everything in my life would just fall into place as long as I remembered to BREATHE.

The sky just kept getting bluer and bluer, and the air got warmer. I stopped at the Boule Bakery and had breakfast and continued my trek towards the towers. I was still drawn to that brilliant blue sky.

And that's when I saw it. The plane. And truth be told it was one of those sights that is so ludicrous that you initially dismiss it. And then you register that there is, indeed, a shadow above you. From the plane. And although it takes a few seconds your brain begins to process the conversations of the people around you and you confirm that, yes, there is in fact a plane that is about to crash into the World Trade Center.

I don't remember a lot of specific events from that day. I remember the noise. I remember the debris and not being able to breath. I remember the stench. I remember having no sense of direction and getting completely turned around. It took me almost 12 hours to get out of the city. It was like a mass exodus.

When I finally got back to my apartment; hobbling along like an wounded warrier, I was EXHAUSTED. I stopped at the dumpster outside, took off my boots and trashed them. I walked into my apartment and shed articles of clothing one by one en route to my bathroom. I looked in the mirror. My hair was matted down with debris. I smelled like fuel. I was covered head to toe in DUST and I was too worn out to shower.

I wanted to watch the news because on my long trek back to New Jersey I'd heard snippets here and there but I didn't know WHAT had happpened. I only had an antennae on my TV and I remember static. I still had my cell phone and my purse but I hadn't been able to get a signal all day. I was alone.

I remember that as I got into bed, still completely covered in debris, that I'd just process everything "tomorrow". I didn't think that tomorrow would mean nine years later.

Prayer

2009-12-09T14:34:00.001-05:00

I've never been particularly religious; it simply wasn't something I was introduced to as a child. My grandfather never particularly took to the local minister. In fact he hated him so much that when they passed each other on the street my grandfather spat in his path.

Oddly enough the reason for this was me. I went to kindergarten with the minister's daughter who one day kindly advised me that I was an illegitimate child. My grandfather (rightly) deduced that this was something she heard at home. Needless to say my childhood never included anything church related.

It's odd that I find myself as an adult suddenly drawn to prayer. I've been undergoing treatment for lupus. I haven't really talked to many people about this. And I haven't really fully explained it to the people I have spoken with. I think most folks just think that I'm tired and grumpy all the time. The issue is once you tell people you're "ill" they start to feel bad for you and your illness takes center stage. Or they can't help you and as a result ignore you because they don't know what to say or do. People FEAR the illness.

I have a hard time being ill. I have a very hard time asking for help. But because of the circumstances there are times when I do need help. I simply can't do it all myself so I pray for a lot of different things. Mainly because I had so many people asking me if I was praying. One day I woke up and I felt compelled.

The thing is that prayer has opened me up to other things and now praying for myself seems selfish. My prognosis is good. And asking for help to make my life more pleasant just seems wrong. Especially when I think of all the ways that my life is good. We eat well, we're safe, my son is happy and healthy, we aren't lacking for food or clean water, I have health insurance, I'm employed, our Christmas will be merry. I have no right to complain because I am blessed. And I take things for granted every single day.

2009-12-02T11:30:00.000-05:00

I've always said that I would be a very proactive parent. I would talk to Mr. Little Man about sex and drugs and every other parental concern well before he would ever hear about these things from friends. And I think I've done a good job thus far.....of course, I'm completely omitting the fact that even though I've got my speech prepared he may not be ready to HEAR it. That's kind of one of the joys of parenthood: being surprised. I've spoken to him about the basic differences between boys and girls, but just because the words were coming out of my mouth doesn't necessarily mean that his brain was processing them. In my infinite wisdom I had forgotten one very important fact: I can't set the time table for being prepared to learn about things.

We are very relaxed at our house; something that was a hold over from my own childhood. My mother regularly walked around the house in her underwear and no one thought anything of it. It was normal; the way it was supposed to be. Even in my own apartment we have a relaxed sense of personal boundaries. Except starting today we don't.

Mr. Little Man, like most children, has no sense of personal space. This morning he decided to bounce into the bathroom while I was coming out of the shower. He wanted cereal and apparently could not wait another 3 minutes until I was done. And I did what I always do: listen patiently while I'm drying off. And at that very moment, every single bit of planning I had done as a parent flew out the window without me noticing until it was too late.

Mr. Little Man's eyes drifted south as he was trying to decide between Apple Jacks and Fruit Loops and he screamed, "OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?"

My mind was apparently not processing things quickly because I had to ask why he was screaming and again he said, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED??? YOUR PENIS FELL OFF". Despite all my planning I had forgotten something very basic, so, of course, I panicked. And I screamed right back, "GIRLS HAVE A VAGINA, BOYS HAVE A PENIS". This did nothing to alleviate his concerns that my penis had mysteriously vanished. But it was the best thing I could come up with on the fly.

It's safe to say I'll be up late tonight reading all the parenting books and trying to figure out how I can alleviate his worries.

Once Upon a Time.....

2009-11-24T14:13:00.002-05:00

....I was a blogger. And then I stopped. I didn't really have a good reason, I just didn't have it in me anymore. A friend of mine had recently died and I was kind of struggling through the grief. A couple of days after his passing I sat down to write a tribute to him. I thought that it would be difficult but the words just poured out and it seemed to be the fastest thing I'd ever written.

Anyone that knows me well will tell you my fave short story is The Swimmer by John Cheever. Mr. Cheever once said that he never wrote quickly. His writings were a series of revisions and edits. He sat down one day and wrote The Swimmer; the story just poured out of him and when he was done he was spent. It took months for him to write anything else. That's how I felt after Woody died. Like I poured everything I had into his tribute and when I was done I was literally done.

And people would ask why I'd stopped blogging but I didn't really have a good answer other than writer's block. It just lost it's appeal.

And although I wouldn't fully say that I'm back to blogging on a regular basis I will say that I have a lot of things to get off my chest. A lot of things I want to talk about and work through. And I can't think of a more perfect place.

WHAT?

2008-12-30T12:58:00.002-05:00

After a not so brief absence I'll be back to blogging shortly....with the Music post.

I know ya'll are excited.

In the meantime, I leave you with this:

Things you will never catch me doing...

2008-11-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

....waiting in line for hours (and sometimes DAYS) for a new phone, iPod, or other electronic device.

Let's talk about the election....in California

2008-11-03T09:48:00.002-05:00

I had always considered California a liberal state so I will admit that I'm a bit puzzled that they were able to get Prop8 on the ballot there.

Prop8 is a state amendment titled ELIMINATION OF THE RIGHT OF SAME SEX COUPLES TO MARRY. Now, I live in New Jersey, which is also a liberal minded state. But I think what California is doing is horrid so I'm actively letting folks know. Why? I do not want California to set a precedent. I don't want anyone to think that denying same sex couples the right to anything is OK, because it isn't.

This isn't about having gay friends or straight friends. This is about other people telling you who it is OK to love. And it's about not extending basic rights to someone based on who they want to sleep next to at night. I know several homosexual couples that have been together for a decade or more. They nurse each other through illnesses, they support each other through bad times and they celebrate their triumphs.

Voting down Prop8 should be a triumph. No one should be denied the right to live their lives as a married couple equal in the eyes of all other married couples.

And John Cho says it better that I ever could:

Spring ahead, fall back

2008-11-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

I pluck my eyebrows in my car. As far as bad habits go, it's still way better than voting Republican (like any of you thought otherwise).

Through incredibly scientific methods (and VOODOO!) I have determined that the optimal time to commence with plucking is as soon as I get off the NJ Turnpike en route to my house after work. It is optimal for several reasons:

1. MEANS: I sit in 10-15 minutes of standstill traffic from the turnpike exit to my turnoff with ZERO traffic.
2. MOTIVE: The wait is 1 lane. This means there is no one on my left or my right to gawk at my tweezing.
3. OPPORTUNITY: Perfect lighting
4. When my visor is down (duh! the mirror is on the opposite side) even the person in the car ahead of me can't see what I am doing. This was determined through incredibly scientific methods (and VOODOO!).

And now of course it is getting darker and darker earlier and earlier. Daylight saving is no more. Which means I can't pluck. I just don't get the same results when I do it in the privacy of my own bathroom.

So, in a nutshell, as soon as I become Queen of the Universe I'll make sure that we have daylight at all the opportune times. Never mind that thing about the sun and the rotation of the Earth on its axis or any of that other crap. I'm gonna make it happen.

2 Lists (I can not resist the list)

2008-10-27T15:25:00.001-04:00

I remember seeing this somewhere on the web, unfortunately I don't remember where or I would reference it. But after the day that I have had, it seems especially appropriate to be grateful for the little things.

10 Things that I am grateful for:
1. The health and happiness of my son
2. Friendship. I mean the real thing and not some word people throw around when they need a partner for a social outing
3. Music
4. Stability
5. Shoes (it is so shallow, I know)
6. Knowledge / Books (I am grouping them together for obvious reasons)
7. Things that once belonged to my grandparents or great grandparents (I am emotionally attached to their items)
8. Teaching my son what is really important in life (hint: it has nothing to do with money)
9. My health and happiness
10. Being able to admit my mistakes

10 Things I could do without:
1. Selfishness
2. Time constraints
3. Greediness
4. Dirty dishes
5. Worry
6. Unbalanced hormones (those hot flashes are a BITCH!)
7. Racism
8. Sexism
9. Lack of money to buy shoes
10. My neurosis

Pass it on!

A piece of helpful advice

2008-10-27T14:31:00.000-04:00

Don't ever have a child with someone that:

1. Is selfish and / or possibly stupid
2. Is (also, possibly) bi-polar
3. Has more than 1 personality

I'm just saying.

Sometime you just want to deliver a good swift kick in the ass

2008-10-16T14:07:00.005-04:00

I had hoped to avoid writing about this, but I can't. People keep asking me what I thought about John McCain mentioning autism during last night's debate.

Conventional wisdom says anytime you have the attention of 63 million viewers is a good time to mention autism, however, I just ended up being mad about the whole thing.

I was HORRIFIED when John McCain said Sarah Palin understood autism because she has a child with Down's Syndrome. Ummm, what? That makes NO sense; he is comparing apples and oranges. Let's break that down:

1. Down's Syndrome and autism are different. They are both developmental handicaps, but ultimately nothing alike (Down's Syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality).
2. Sarah Palin has a 5 month old with Down's Syndrome.....she isn't even an expert on THAT yet. Mr. Little Man was diagnosed as autistic 4 years ago and my autism knowledge is barely scratching the surface of all there is to know and learn.
3. Yes, I want a candidate that has an idea of how hard it is to raise an autistic child; and, yes, I want them to realize that autism is becoming an epidemic. And more than anything I want them to do something about it. But Down's Syndrome is not autism, so stop comparing them. You may confuse some people. Or perhaps McCain is confused....I could argue for both.
4. I still can't believe McCain used someone else's handicapped child to further his own standing. So, let's get this straight: you don't want anyone to mention Palin's pregnant teenaged daughter because that's wrong (let's call it "a private family matter"); but parading her 5 month old handicapped child around is OK (lets call it "a strategy to help us get elected")?

As a presidential candidate you have media following you around NON STOP for months. If you wanted to highlight an issue that is important to you (vs. an issue you think is important for you to mention in order to get some more votes) don't throw it into a debate. I cringe to think how the conversation would have gone if Obama or Biden had a developmentally disabled child.

If you don't know someone with autism it's just a matter of time.

The iPod always surprises

2008-10-16T10:52:00.000-04:00

My iPod has a love / hate relationship with me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like it's owner it is a bit temperamental and if it doesn't feel like working, then fuck you, it won't.

But the thing is lately, my iPod is loving me. It plays the perfect songs for my mood and every now and then it sprinkles in a song as a surprise. Lately I'm "rediscovering" artists that I didn't fall in love with at first listen. Prime example: my new favorite electro pop goddess. No, not Peaches, but Robyn. I've had her on my iPod for over a year, but I can't remember why I didn't love her the first time around.

And yes, I'm gonna give you a couple of videos. First, Cobrastyle. Yeah, a remake of the Teddybears STHLM classic (which most people will recognize since it was HEAVILY used on TV shows and in a couple of movies):

And second, we have the live version of With Every Heartbeat (complete with back-up orchestra, so that it sounds less "electro" and more "pop"):

The iPod has also re-introduced me to bands that had fallen off my radar: Jack's Mannequin being a prime example. I just downloaded the latest EP (In Valleys).....4 songs. All enjoyable. I couldn't find a video of anything from the EP, but I'll at least throw in a video of Dark Blue:

It made me think about what Marvin Gaye would come up with if he were alive today. Or Otis Redding. Or Sam Cooke. I also wonder why there is so much recycled crap on the radio these day (Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" is a remake....the original is by BC Jean). Are there no more original ideas left?

Woody

2008-10-10T19:18:00.004-04:00

About 9 years ago I started to date McJackass. McJackass was on a pool team and occasionally I'd tag along with him to some of Union County's seedier establishments to play pool. On my first of these visits I sauntered up to the bar and ordered myself a Guinness. The man sitting next to me just stared and eventually he struck up a conversation with me. It turned out he was also on the pool team and he and I just hit it off. By the end of the night we were old friends. He introduced himself as Woody. I told McJackass that if I wasn't dating him Woody could not run fast enough from me.

And over the years our friendship grew. Every year we'd go to sporting events and the Springsteen concert became our summer ritual. Woody was like a little brother even though he was a couple of years older than me. He was an ex-Marine that valued his friends and his family above all else. Giants Stadium seats about 78,000 people and every time we went there we'd bump into 5 or 6 people that he knew. Everyone loved him.

Woody nursed me through 2 break-ups. After my break-up with McJackass I spent a week sleeping on his floor. When I found out I was pregnant I spent a week sleeping on his couch. I hadn't made a decision about what I was going to do and he very patiently and very impartially helped me weigh all my options. When I decided I could raise a child on my own he became my biggest cheerleader.

After my grandparents died he would often show up unannounced and press his bare ass against my glass door. He did immature things to make me laugh. When I complained that I need Mr. Little Man's father to be a functioning adult for the sake of his child he'd point out that I was incorrect because I never needed him before. He also had a talent for reminding me of the things I already knew.

Woody died on Tuesday. He had a stroke and was taken off of life support. Broken hearted does not even remotely begin to describe the way that I am feeling.

I will miss our annual arguments about who will win the Army / Navy game. I will miss discussing the college basketball brackets. I will miss playing fantasy sex camp with him (a story for another time). I will miss karaoke (he was an amazing singer), I will miss his stupid t-shirts and his stupid Marvin the Martian socks. I will even miss my life flashing before my eyes every time I get into a car with him.

I wonder who will now provide the entertainment at my Christmas party. I wonder who will now call my son by his actual given name and plow him full of chocolate when I'm not looking. I wonder who I'll call to come have "hangover breakfast" with me. Who will call me Schmoopie and send me texts with pictures of their conquests? Who will call me when I'm driving home and ask me to stop for a beer?

More than anything I will just miss his friendship, his love of life (and no one lived life to fullest more than he did and for that I am grateful) and his infectious laugh.

Donald Fallon
February 23 1968 - October 7 2008

The Reviews are IN!

2008-10-07T11:30:00.000-04:00

Cold War Kids - Loyalty to Loyalty (3 / 5 stars)

Classic CWK...still sparse, still a bit unusual with those weird time changes that take a bit of getting used to. And, oh yeah, Nathan still WAILS.

Stand-outs: Dreams Old Men Dream, Against Privacy, Every Man I Fall For

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue (4 / 5 stars)

In short, no sophmore slump can be seem for miles.

When Rabbit Fur Coat came out I said that Jenny found God. I now realize that she's probably been leaning on him for a long time. The album is a little bit gospel, a little country, a little pop, a little rock.

Stand-outs: Trying My Best To Love You, Bad Man's World, The Next Messiah (clocking in at over 8 minutes...and actually more than 1 song fused together)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Are you watching Project Runway?

Thank God Suede is gone. It annoyed the living crap out of me that he consistently referred to himself in the 3rd person. And yes, I am willing to admit that it took me 2 or 3 episodes to realize he was talking about himself because I didn't know who Suede was.

Stella Barbarella.....AWWW, leatha.

I am generally not a violent person but I need someone (ANYONE!) to make Kenley disappear. That heifer works my last nerve. She is incredibly rude, insolent, childish, and she can not take criticism in any form. She flat out laughs at other designers and then has the nerve to say that Tim "doesn't get her as a designer". I don't want to say "die, bitch, die", but I'll be thinking it.

I can't believe that someone trying to break into an industry would flat out be rude to the people that are the reigning king and queen. I do understand that reality TV can edit in such a way as to make you look like more of an ass than you actually are, but I don't believe this is the case here (although they do have a lot to work with).

Korto has been my favorite since day 1. She just makes beautiful, wearable clothes. Project Rungay has pics up of the collections from Bryant Park.

I think Korto has this one in the bag, but Leanne and Jerell are not far behind.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Speaking of assholes (I'm still referring to Kenley); shut up Elisabeth:

I loathe this woman, and as much as it pains me to admit it I still have to respect that she gets up every morning and goes to a job where she knows people will ridicule her and call her uneducated and out of touch with reality.

Wait; what just happened?

2008-09-29T10:48:00.000-04:00

So, The Gue up and moved to Australia.

The month of June was somewhat turbulent. By the time July rolled around he announced he was leaving the continent in August. I'll admit I was a bit shell shocked by the whole thing. And it made me emotional. And maybe I even shed a tear or two (I'll never admit to it).

Now that I've had time to deal with the whole situation I'm faring much, much better. We still communicate and I'm genuinely happy for him.

Plus, brilliant new blog:
www.theblunderdownunder.blogspot.com

In addition to the old blog:
http://www.wordsfromthegue.blogspot.com/

Parts of the old blog were inadvertently deleted...anyone who can tell me how to recover it wins a prize. Email me for details.
___________________________________________________________________________________

I have big plans for the weekend. I will be leading a one woman intervention for a manic depressive. This is one of those things that no sane person should attempt on their own, but I am totally going for it because I don't know any better. Wish me luck.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sundays are officially my favorite day of the week. Sunday is family day and Mr. Little Man and I usually spend the day together doing fun stuff. My new reason for loving Sundays is that a "somebody" has a new boyfriend.

I live vicariously through her adventures. Sunday mornings bring coffee and hilarious emails detailing her hijinks. And there are always hijinks. I want to set up a blog for her emails because they really are publish-worthy.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Oh John, if Sarah Palin is not ready for Katie Couric, then I'm not sure she is ready for Joe Biden:

Also, if Tina Fey doesn't get an Emmy for this I will be shocked:

The McCampaign makes me laugh.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Can someone PLEASE have Britney Spears' dad call Amy Winehouse's dad to give him step by step instructions on how to get his daughter cleaned up? Seriously.

You know I love Amy Winehouse and I'd feel like I was missing out on future music if she went and died. Not that this is all about me, but you know what I'm saying.

____________________________________________________________________________________

What I am reading: My tax bill....man it's a killer
What I am listening to: Jenny Lewis - Trying My Best to Love You

The Nanny Diaries

2008-09-19T10:18:00.005-04:00

One of the things that added to my summer woes was the search for a new nanny. Or rather the search that brought me 3 nannies in 3 months.

No one ever thinks that child care is a big deal until they have a child that needs caring for. If money were no object I'd love to stay home and be a housewife (or whatever they call it when you stay home and take care of a household without actually being someone's wife), but unfortunately, like most of the population, I still have to slave away at the sweatshop.

The nanny that we'd had for 16 months we adored, but there was 1 problem. She was habitually late. She was great with Mr. Little Man; she just could not be on time to save her life. The bus would arrive to drop Mr. Little Man off after school and she would not be there. It was just too much stress for me because everyday at 3 pm I'd have to steel myself for the inevitable phone call telling me she wasn't there. It was just too much.

So we found a new nanny. And that didn't work out....and then we found new nanny #2...and that didn't work out either. Fast forward to nanny #3, who we shall call M (but in reality I should probably refer to her as Q). And yes, those are James Bond references.

We love M. We may have had a slight mis-step on her first day when Mr. Little Man, who is almost as tall as her, reached out and touched her breasts in his first attempt at playing Tune In Tokyo. I, was, of course, MORTIFIED. Thank God she didn't think it was a big deal.

The thing is when you hire someone you never know what you are gonna get. Are they going to go through your mail, steal your identity and ruin your credit forever? Are they going to eat all the chocolate in the house so that when you're PMSing and in dire need there is none left? Are they even going to bother to look after your child, much less take him to the park and encourage him to do crafts? It's a scary thing. Especially since I am one of those people that thinks that not having a criminal record means you simply haven't been caught yet.

We lucked out with M (Q?). Actually, I kind of feel like I hit the jackpot after all the sturm and drang of the summer. Mr. Little Man has taken to her really well (mainly because she allows him to be the boss).

It often happens that by the time Mr. Little Man gets off the bus he just wants to be alone. He's had people in his face all day and he just needs a little alone time with the TV. As a result of this M gets bored, so she cleans. My house. Better than me. She makes the beds and does the breakfast dishes (I always leave them in the sink). She dusts and vacuums. Yesterday she organized my office and cleaned the windows...BECAUSE SHE WAS BORED. Seriously, JACKPOT!! She has freed up a significant portion of my time so that me and Mr. Little Man and I get to go out and do fun things when I get home instead of me worrying about trivial crap like cleaning.

I don't care what I have to pay her; she's never leaving.

And, just for the hell of it, I present to you a video....Johnny Foreigner - Salt, Pepa & Spinderella:

Exactly how connected do I need to be?

2008-09-17T12:40:00.000-04:00

I am not technologically savvy. At all. Gadgets do not interest me. I can get the basics done with my computer, but please don't ask me for help with anything complicated.

My iPod is probably the most advanced piece of equipment I own...and like so many others I will be forced to buy a new TV come January because even my TV is ancient.

When I buy a product I really like to make sure its something I can commit to because I know I will have it for a very long time. My last cell phone I had for 5 and a half years. My last car I had for almost 9 years (until some bastard decided to steal my beloved Honda). I just don't believe in replacing something until I absolutely have to.

And now I find myself in somewhat of a quagmire. I am a wanted woman.

on an unrelated note: Katie Holmes is single handedly trying to bring back the pegged pants. I think I've covered this before.....and no, pegged pants are still a train wreck.

Have you see this?

2008-07-30T14:11:00.002-04:00

I read this article in Gothamist a couple of days ago about the police officer who "attacked" a bicyclist. I remember thinking, "Again?", because I had a friend who was almost arrested during the '04 Republican Convention Critical Mass Bike Ride.

Of course, then, they added video, which you can see here:

And my next thought was, "See, this is why people don't like cops". In this day and age you have to realize that there are very few times during the day when you are in a public setting where there isn't a camera on you. And that goes for everyone. Criminal, law enforcement, average Joe.

People, EVERYONE! We all need to be a little more patient, a little more understanding and a whole lot kinder. We don't have to be dicks ALL THE TIME. And lets all remember that big brother watches. ALL. THE. TIME.

My Imaginary Boyfriend was on The Price Is Right

2008-07-18T21:07:00.003-04:00

How much do I love this? You totally realize that if he had invited me I would have tagged along, right? Because I highly doubt he has any idea what jelly (or most household items, for that matter) costs.

You can go to The Huffington Post to read all about it.

It's not exactly a Video of the week...

2008-07-15T16:13:00.001-04:00

....but a "teaser" for the next Cold War Kids CD, about which I am very excited.

tickets for concerts in October went on sale today...who wants to go?

Like a gangrenous leg

2008-07-14T19:30:00.003-04:00

I had friends that I was close to for the duration of high school and college, but the majority of the friends I have today I feel like I'll have for the rest of my life. JL and I have been tight since elementary school. Clearly that isn't a friendship that will go away...nor is it a friendship that I would let go without a fight.

I am a big believer that most relationships (romantic or not) have an expiration date. There is a saying, "Friendships last a reason, season or a lifetime" and it's true.

I am not saying that once you get tired of your boyfriend or your best friend you should just ditch them, I'm saying that when relationships become emotionally painful then it may be time to re-evaluate.

This is what I have going on in my life right now. I have a relationship with someone, not a romantic relationship, but a relationship none the less. And it has become painful. I have lowered my expectations to the point where they simply can't be lowered anymore and I just feel like I loose more and more ground every day. In short, he is a gangrenous leg and has to be cut off in order to keep the rest of the body healthy. I'm sad about it because I'd had high hopes that given enough time he'd pull his head out of his ass, but that isn't likely to happen.

This isn't something that should be undertaken lightly. It is a huge decision to cut someone out of your life, but I've come to the conclusion that no matter how much you love someone it is always going to be OK to love yourself just a little bit more.

And yes, it's Mr. Little's Man dad. I think I just finally got tired of hearing all of the reason why he couldn't make his child a priority. Will Mr. Little Man miss him? I'm not sure. DO I relish this? Quite the contrary...I'm kind of sick about it. But you can only have someone tell your child something so often, and then have that scenario not materialize before you have to step in. It's not fair to me to have to dry the tears. So, in short, I think I'm just DONE.

What I am reading: The Tempest Tales - Walter Moseley. It's OK, but I am dying for the new Sedaris.
What I am listening to: Lil Wayne - Tha Carter. I know, I know. I do not match his key demographic, but damn. I am STUCK. I would slit a bitch's throat to be able to get that ear worm out of my head because you can only sing (rap?) A Milli 1,000 times before it become painful.

Ger-bonics

2008-07-04T00:08:00.000-04:00

My mother, who was born and raised in Germany, learned to speak English in school. And as we all know there is a huge difference between speaking English and speaking American.

Early in their marriage my father brought my mother to Arkansas to introduce her to his family. He didn't bring her before they got married because.....well, honestly, I'm not entirely sure, but I suppose if you were a black man rural Arkansas in the 1970s marrying a white woman may have been frowned upon. She did not speak American (or rather more specifically, she did not speak Arkansan Ebonics) and they did not speak English so the first couple of weeks were difficult at best. Apparently my father's family did not equate him marrying a German with him marrying a white German. They did not expect someone that looked like my mother to be a part of their family. Muckily, my mother is a fairly quick study and was able to acclimate and fit in with the family in no time.

Essentially she just picked up on both their accents and their grammar. It also helped that she got good at playing cards. My ex-husband used to call my mother's way of speaking "GERBONICS"; my mother speaks Ebonics, but with a German accent.

I do sort of picture her being young and anxious and moving to the US with her new husband. She wanted to learn the vernacular and I'm sure she wanted to please my father, so she just picked up what she heard. It's actually one of my favorite traits about her.

Examples of words she learned from my father's side of the family that have stuck:
1. Icebox
2. Pocketbook
3. Cut on / cut off
4. Bed set (otherwise known as sheets)
5. Finna / Fixin' to
6. Why you ain't
7. I'ma let you
8. Playa, playa (this is how she referred to my brother during the late 90s. There is also something fundamentally wrong hearing a woman in her 50s say that phrase)
9. Can't nobody
10. Right quick

Please note that my mother is also quite quick to "aks" you a question. Even after living in the US for 20 plus years she still continues with the Gerbonics. Anytime any of our friends meet my mother for the first her manner of speaking is always one of the first things they notice. Oddly enough no one ever says anything my Dad's accent or grammar......probably because he doesn't have the awesome German accent.

What I am reading, Pt. 1: I am currently salivating over a copy of Nigella Express.
What I am reading, Pt. 2: The 100 thing challenge
What I am looking forward to: The Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale commences July 18. YAY!! Boots!
What I am listening to: Fleetwood Mac - Love That Burns

UNRELATED:
I just got my 3rd (yes, THIRD) phone call in less than a month from a parent who thinks their child is autistic. This has to stop.

Thoughts that currently occupy my time

2008-06-24T13:52:00.000-04:00

1. Paranoia about whether or not the air conditioner will fall out of the window.
2. Wondering whether or not surviving a day at the sweatshop without committing murder warrants an award of shoes.
3. Trying to remind myself every. single. day to pick up a copy of Fearless Fourteen. Even though I am not consuming.
4. Hiring a new nanny.
5. Planning Mr. Little Man's summer - His sperm donor is not really cooperating with my event planning. Ordinarily I would try to make excuses for him but I've learned that lowering my expectations makes me a happier person.
6. Visits from the parental units. I'm already contemplating whether or not the boyfriend (I'm not really sure that he is the boyfriend, but I don't know what else to call him) should make an appearance. I should probably ask him but he's finding about about my parent's visit the same way you are: by reading my blog.
7. Burned out headlight on the Silver Bullet. Its been burned out for a month and I keep forgetting to get a new bulb. It's not brain surgery.
8. Abalone necklaces and abalone flip flops. I really like abalone....which brings us to my current shoe obsession:

Cute, right?

9. Staying on topic? Apparently not.
10. Why my current method of birth control has caused me to gain 10 lbs. For those of you wondering my current method is celibacy.
11. Christmas shopping. I know XMAS is 6 months away, but I started early this year (I usually try to wait until August).
12. Coffee detox....which is hell.

What I am reading: Bank statement (SHUDDER!)
What I am listening to: Belle & Sebastian - To Be Myself Completely

A Steve Wozniak to call my own

2008-06-23T14:46:00.002-04:00

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List is back on TV. I have no problem admitting that I absolutely adore Kathy Griffin. She's cute and feisty and I can't help but feel like if we knew each other in real life she'd be an instant member of the bitch posse.

Kathy is not grabbing my attention at all this season and the reason why? STEVE WOZNIAK. She can not compete. There were 3 things that did it for me:

#1 - Watching him ride up the driveway on his Segway
#2 - Watching him hack Kathy's iPhone
#3 - Bringing Kathy chocolates and then not eating any himself because he doesn't really like chocolate (MORE FOR ME!)

All of these things are so deliciously dorky that I couldn't help but become smitten. This guy is totally up my alley. Not too thin...super smart...totally aDORKable and he seems to have a generally sunny disposition. Seriously, I sit rapt in front of the TV waiting for him to make his entrance. I have absolutely no idea what Team Griffin is doing.

Usually I don't like to go for the billionaires (I like the thousandaires) because I don't really feel like I have a lot in common with them. They generally have a hard time identifying with the problems of a single mother. But dammit, the Woz shops at Men's Wearhouse and loves their 2 for $199 deal. Honestly? How can you not love the 2 for $199 deal? And he could teach me how to hack an iPhone while I ate an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses that I didn't even have to share with him (ummm, not that I have ever done that).

It really is too bad for Steve that I am currently not taking boyfriend applications.

What I am reading: For the past couple of weeks MSNBC has been doing a series about being "Multiracial in America", which I really love.
What I am listening to: I'm playing old school today...The Police - Don't Stand So Close to Me.

Videos of the week

2008-05-21T17:19:00.001-04:00

Retro Video of the Week:

Every now and then I'll hear an old song on the radio that instantly transports me back to my childhood. My parents used to blast this song on their stereo every time it came on. Some parents take their kids to Disneyland; mine used to sing Rick James / Teena Marie songs to each other. Again, another fine example about why I am the way I am.

Non-Retro Video of the Week:

Ummm, yeah. Don't judge. Everyone experiments in college.

Sexual Harassment Induced Vacation Days

2008-05-21T13:35:00.005-04:00

My boss just told me he pulled a muscle in his ass. Yeah, I'll let that one marinate for a minute before I continue.

This statement caused me to exclaim, "Why the fuck is that information that you think I need to know?" Just as he started to speak again I shushed him out of the room and closed the door behind him. I could hear him laughing as he walked down the hall.

What I need to know is this: can I claim this as sexual harassment? And more importantly in lieu of a lawsuit can they just throw me a couple of days of to recuperate from the mental image of what he was doing to pull a muscle in his ass?

Current craving: Copious amounts of rhubarb. When I was a kid my grandmother would give me a bowl of sugar and a stalk of rhubarb as a treat. I miss those days.

And how was your Mother's Day?

2008-05-14T10:42:00.005-04:00

Every regular reader of this blog knows that Mr. Little Man is autistic. Being the parent of any child always poses challenges. Being the parent of a child that is differently abled poses a completely different set of challenges; challenges that are often made difficult by strangers who feel the need to butt in and tell you what they think.

We got up early on Sunday morning and I realized that I needed to pick up a few things at the grocery store. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot Mr. Little Man said, "Ummm, no. NO, NO, NO!!!" This is essentially his way of telling me he has no interest in going into the grocery store. Newsflash, neither do I. But it's a basic rule in life that if you want to eat you really need to go to the grocery store. I don't want to turn into the type of parent that shelters their child from everything. I see so many autistic kids whose parents just keep them at home because it's easier for both parent and child. And I know I've said this a million times, but I want my child to be a functioning adult. To be able to hold a job, and be independent and have a family. And keeping him out of the public eye and not forcing him to go out in public is not the way to make that happen.

I calmed him down, and gave him a toy and a juice box and I said a little prayer. The first half of the grocery store visit went well, and then it happened. Total autistic meltdown. A lot of people simply refer to this as a temper tantrum, but its so much more. Its a sensitivity to light and touch and smell and sound and its difficult for me and its difficult for him. Honestly, it had been such a long time since his last one that I had forgotten how severe they were. But he was trying to jump out of the cart, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs and crying and grasping for whatever he could get his hands on. Everyone was staring at us and I was doing whatever I could do to just get him to breathe normally and calm down. It wasn't working. And it was getting worse. And in the blink of an eye my self confidence took a nose dive and I pictured my child living in a group home surviving on government aide after I became too old to care for him (which really is the greatest nightmare that every parent of a disabled child faces). And then the tears just started to well up. And yeah, everyone was still staring at us.

Inevitably in every bad situation there comes a moment where you think that you've hit rock bottom; that really, this is as bad as its going to get. And thats when it ALWAYS gets worse. In my case it came in the form of a stranger who felt the need to butt in and tell me what he thought. He said, "If that were my child I wouldn't allow him to act that way in public."

Which means that in addition to having to hold down my child I had to now deal with this asshole. I was frustrated and angry and it took me about a millisecond to realize that this was the perfect opportunity to just let it all out, because guess what? Everyone is still staring. So I say (as calm as I can, of course), "He's not misbehaving you uneducated jackass. He's autistic and is having a hard day. And it is NOT OK for you to give your opinion." That is actually not what I wanted to say, but I was in the presence of my child, so I didn't want to break out the sailor speak; just trust me when I tell you that I can curse better than 99% of the population. The man started to say something else, but I just told him I didn't want to hear it.

Oddly enough this happens to me almost every time my child has a public break down. Some jerk feels the need to offer commentary on my parenting skills despite the fact that they know ABSOLUTELY nothing about the situation. Thats probably the first thing I am going to change when I become queen of the world. No more unnecessary commentary - and a whole lot more compassion.

When I finally got him home he pulled all of the blankets off his bed and piled them on his floor along with every stuffed animal he owns and he just laid there and calmed himself down. After about an hour he came to me and asked to sit on my lap and snuggle. He wanted me to run my hand up and down his back. And that always makes you feel bad for complaining about how hard it is to deal with a breakdown, because for me it was an INCONVENIENCE, but for him it was so TRAUMATIC that he needed to come home and isolate himself in his room and then curl up in his mother's lap and rock himself back and forth.

Every couple of months I have to do the "Catch Up" post

2008-05-13T18:59:00.007-04:00

Since I haven't blogged in a while, lets get all of the important stuff out of the way first.

What I am reading: Oh man. This is hard. I am not. I'm still not consuming and not buying books has been a difficult adjustment. I need a Kindle. Or a library card. Its become especially difficult since I didn't renew any magazine subscriptions. No more Economist, no more Entertainment Weekly.
What I am listening to: I'm The Reason - Day 26. I never watched Making The Band (although CT and I quote Dave Chapelle's skit about the show with obnoxious abandon), but I really like this song. Mainly because it just has a great beat and I can dance to it while I'm cleaning the kitchen. I considering switching the blog to Vox so I can have music.
Current shoe obsession:
I have been sticking to my guns are far as not consuming things. I have been doing tons better than anyone expected. I actually used my birthday money to buy Mr. Little Man's summer clothes. And now I am itching for a new pair of super cute summer flip flops. I don't know if not consuming things and spending money has opened my eyes to anything, but these (which I really like) are $170.00:

You read that right. $170.00. For flip flops. Didn't cute flip flops used to be really cheap? And yes, I would probably wear these A LOT, but its still crazy money....until I saw these on the Shoe Blog and realized they were $235.00:

All I need for someone to direct me to the $40.00 shoes. Its a simple request.

Current TV boyfriend: Don't make me admit it. Ok, it's Chuck Bass. I think I heart him, but I do not want to because he is so self righteous and smarmy and everytime he opens his mouth he just covers himself in another layer of slime (not to mention that he was on the verge of date raping poor little Jenny Humphrey, you know, before she morphed into the Queen Bee wannabe). But you know who you have to call in times of trouble; who will always help you and not judge? Chuck Bass. Damn it! I swear to everyone reading this, GOssip Girl is the last teenage show I will ever watch. The only reason I watch it now is because JL makes me. I am weak.
Current favorite TV show: You know how I said I hated reality television? I think thats a lie. I can't stop watching Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. I am FASCINATED.

Up next: the return of the Retro Video of the Week, and posts about my Mother's Day and Ovulation Cookies.

Non retro video of the week

2008-04-14T09:38:00.001-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Squeeze Me by Kraak & Smaak:

I think I'm gonna go for it

2008-04-11T15:44:00.004-04:00

I am scaling down. Seriously.

I have lived in my apartment for 6 years. Before I lived there I had a small 1 bedroom apartment that was perfect for a single girl. Now I live in a large 3 bedroom. There are only 2 of us and I have managed to accumulate a lot of stuff in a relatively short amount of time.

I am a collector: dishes, furniture, linen., the list goes on. For example; I have 6 different sets of china. I've been collecting depression glass for about 10 years and I use it (maybe) once a year. I just feel like it is a big waste.

It's weird, but I have slowly, but very surely, started to feel extremely wasteful. I walk around my apartment and I see the amount of stuff that Mr. Little Man has and I realize that I am going completely overboard. Plain and simple, I am giving him more that any 5 year old should own. Moderation is a word that simply doesn't exist in our apartment. And it is my fault.

I don't want my son growing up not knowing what it is like to yearn for something so badly that you aren't willing to mow a few lawns in the summer to earn it yourself. He is used to getting things (and so am I). And I don't want him to feel a sense of entitlement because everyone hands him everything. In order for that to happen I have to scale down as well; I don't want him to look around and tell me that I always buy myself whatever I want.

Things are going to change. We are going to do a major purge and scale down. We're going to get the grandparents on board. And hopefully, we'll move to a 2 bedroom apartment.

What I am reading: Still no library card. On a brighter note it's been nice and warm here so we've been spending lots of time outside...I don't miss reading everyday.
What I am listening to: Squeeze Me - Kraak & Smaak (Gue: go and download it....prepare to do a little dance in front of your computer)

Goin' Green

2008-04-07T11:56:00.003-04:00

Over the last couple of years I've slowly started to become an environmentalist. I do live in one of America's 50 Greenest City (just ask Popular Science....we were the only city in New Jersey that was selected for the list. No, really.) A couple of compact fluorescent light bulbs here and there, a well placed recycling station in my kitchen, eating more organic food, re-using my grocery bags and taking public transport whenever I could (which is not nearly as often as I'd like); you know, the usual.

And then I started reading sites like Danny Seo's blog and No Impact Man. Holy crap, I am not an environmentalist AT ALL. I am a slacker; a spoiler first world-er. Because, unlike No Impact Man, I have absolutely no desire to rid my life of toilet paper (dude, don't even ask).

Relatively speaking, my carbon footprint is low, but there is so much more that I could be doing. So, I am going to list the things I need to do to step up my game. But only because I'll feel like a hypocrite if I don't do them after posting them here for the entire world to read:

1. I do use environmental cleaning products for the most part (I do have an unnatural love affair with bleach because for some reason I don't feel like my bathroom is really clean if I don't use it), however, I have not given up on paper towels. And honestly, I don't buy the recycled paper towels either. I need to make a bigger effort to use cloth.

2. Stop letting the water run when I brush my teeth. Or wash dishes. My next house will have an energy efficient dishwasher, but until then I just have to make a bigger effort.

3. Stop buying bottled water. I do try to reuse the bottles because not only do you have to recycle the plastic, you also have to think about the impact that the packaging and transport make. Mr. Little Man just got a new SIGG bottle, but getting him to use is a whole other matter.

4. Buy local food (things that have been grown...or raised within 250 miles). This is so much harder than I thought. I eat a lot of citrus in the winter and the last time I checked New Jersey didn't have any citrus groves. We don't eat a lot of processed food, so that isn't really a huge concern for me. I just don't know how to guess what is local and what isn't. My grocery store could really help me out if they posted a sign that pointed out which eggs come from nearby. If I still lived in Arkansas I could easily establish relationships with people that raise livestock and have (organic) farms. New Jersey? Not so much. I thought I could at least buy locally grown produce at the farmer's market, but even that has proven problematic.

5. Using an organic dry cleaner. Most of the clothes that I own that say "dry clean" only I stick in the gentle cycle with Woolite, but I do have my winter coats drycleaned once a year.

6. If I need a gallon of milk I need to walk to the corner store and not drive. It's better for my health and by the time I find a parking spot I might as well just walk. Plus, it encourages me to mingle with the neighbors.

7. This will be the hardest thing on my list: giving up Dunkin' Donuts coffee. I do it everyday; I buy a cup of coffee on my way to work (even though by then I've already consumed a pot at home). My options are to either buy their re-usable cup and actually have it clean and ready everyday or to give up the habit entirely.

8. Buy only things I need. Again, I was brought up in the first world and I have a lot of stuff. Most of which I do not need, or even use, for that matter. I have 11 cake plates. Even I (with my sugar habit) will not simultaneously use 11 cake plates. I am seriously considering purging my apartment of things I don't use.

Clearly, this will be an ongoing experiment. Wish me luck. And if you know how that whole buy local thing works, for pete's sake,, email me!

What I am reading: A trade magazine. Thats just a nice way to tell you that I am out of stuff to read. I can't buy anymore books (see #8 above) and I have yet to get a library card.
What I am listening to: Give A Little Love - Rilo Kiley

No, really, it's true.

2008-04-04T11:33:00.003-04:00

To every single cop show that has been on in the air in the last 10 years,

I do not, for a single second, believe that female cops wear 4" stilettos when doing any of the following:

1. Kicking in a door
2. Taking part in a midnight raid on a meth lab
3. Collecting any kind of blood evidence
4. Going out on a manhunt for a serial killer
5. A 3 day stake out

Since stilettos are expensive I'm going to go out on a limb and say that woman also aren't going to wear them to chase a criminal down the street. We would never risk breaking a heel, or even scuffing a tip. I also happen to know that bullet proof vests are not an ideal accessory to high heels.

Please correct your shows accordingly.

Also, BREAKING NEWS!! TOP PRIORITY!! The most exciting thing to happen in 2008!!
New Kids on the Block are getting back together for a tour. No, really. They were on Good Morning America earlier today and I've already gotten 2 phone calls asking if I wanted to get concert tickets.

I do not.

Lastly, I've been a wee bit sad the last couple of days (still trying to balance the hormones), so I got a text from a friend this morning asking how I was doing. I told him I was still sad but that today would be an AWESOME day because BATTLESTAR GALACTICA season 4 begins at 10 pm. T minus.....

Autism Awareness Month

2008-04-03T15:59:00.005-04:00

April is Autism Awareness Month. I really have to say that in the last couple of years our community has really stepped up its game as far as advocacy is concerned. I see ads in newspapers, magazines, I see billboards, I see commercials and I get a lot of questions from people who want to know more.

I love this. It means the public is educating itself.

Another thing I love? That parents of autistic children are not taking crap from: the medical community who think we're (largely) crazy, our insurance companies (who don't want to pay for treatment), our school districts (again, who don't want to pay for educational treatment), our government (one more time...who don't want to pay for any kind of treatment) and generally anyone who doesn't want to listen to our proclamations that something has to be done to stop the epidemic.

Most of all I love it when parents go on TV and aren't afraid to fight for what they know to be true.

Jenny McCarthy, you go girl.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...if you don't know someone with autism it's just a matter of time.

EXTRA: I was just emailed a link to the following article. Also by Jenny McCarthy. I'm suddenly loving her.

Retro Video of the Week

2008-03-31T17:33:00.003-04:00

I'm not gonna lie. I wanted to post a Rick Astley video, but was way too conflicted about which one deserved a spot on this blog.

I used to have a huge thing for red heads; then I dated The Stalker and you see how that ended.

2 emails

2008-03-30T07:40:00.003-04:00

I sent my friend Danny an email with a list of all the flea markets in Manhattan along with a note asking him when we'd be going. Here is his response:

You know you’re like a well-seasoned pimp; you lay the crack on the table and relish the joy watching your victims squirm to the threshold where you’ve achieved dominance, then seductively with a half cocked smile ask, do you like it, do you want it, do you need to go? At this point Pavlov’s dogs face competition. Yes yes give me the crack! Sign me up for the journey. You know I enjoy our adventures.

In all honesty I've always secretly thought of myself as both a pimp and a drug dealer so this email is pretty accurate.

The second email comes from a dear friend....and it made me a bit sad (the subject line said "things that break my heart":

today i broke a heel. i am poor, so i had to buy a pair of ugly shoes.

No one likes ugly shoes....and if I win the lottery I will take her to the store of her choice and buy her any pretty shoe her little heart desires.

What I am reading: I will admit that I have been watching alot of basketball....and reading alot of Stuff White People Like.
What I am listening to: Aimee Mann - You could make a killing
Current shoe obsession:

Happy Madnessmas

2008-03-21T18:21:00.002-04:00

I left work early on Wednesday because I realized something that I had been too busy to think about before: March Madness has arrived. I needed to get out of the office if I had any hope of checking out the bracket.

The Gue wrote an entire blog post about it. I agree with a lot of the arguments.....Billy Packer really works my last nerve (Dickipedia entry here. And, no, they aren't paying my to mention them here). I've been torn for a very long time about whether more teams need to be included.

One thing I am not torn about is the fact that I hate the Duke University men's basketball team with enough fury to burn 10,000 suns. I am tired of their winning streak. I am tired of their attitudes. I can not warm up to them; I never could. And to quote this article in Slate Magazine, "As every college hoops fan knows, the one shining moment of the NCAA Tournament isn't when your favorite team wins. It's when Duke loses".

Last night they were playing against Belmont University. And to be completely honest with you when the game began I turned to the person I was watching with and asked, "Where the hell is Belmont University? Do you know ANYTHING about these guys? Are they any good"?

I was pleasantly surprised. I was rooting for them the entire game and those guys played with alot of heart. They lost by one point. Granted, that 1 point loss made me almost shed a tear for a team (or even a university) that I hadn't even heard of before.

And thats what the tournament is about. Without the selection process being what it is we'd never see a team from a small school in Tennessee almost beat a basketball powerhouse school like Duke. It was a good game. And I hope the tournament produces many more.

This is exactly like that time I discovered there was no more wine in the house.

2008-03-19T19:26:00.002-04:00

I had planned on putting my apartment on a diet. Really. I swear.

The plan was to go room to room and throw out or sell anything that I didn't want. I prepared myself because I knew it would be hard. I was raised by children of the war, for Pete's sake. I collect things; it's in my nature!

And then, out of nowhere, I run across this quote:
Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful. --William Morris

I am so confused. And I didn't even see it coming.

Now that I'm not thinking of boys anymore we have the return of:
What I am reading: I will confess that I am not reading....I am online buying tickets to the Kahlo exhibit. I go next week!
What I am listening to: Miles Davis - All Blues

I Love You, Le Creuset.

2008-03-14T11:09:00.004-04:00

Last Wednesday I received a very large package at my office. I didn't open it immediately because I thought it was office stuff. I could not have been more wrong. It was 3 (THREE!!!) gorgeous pieces of red Le Creuset.

I searched the box...there is no packing list, no bill, nothing. The goods came directly from Le Creuset, but I don't who ordered them. Since I've never received $500 worth of cookware in one shot I'm guessing someone out there loves me very, very much. I just don't know who.

These items didn't come from my Amazon wish list so it has to be someone that knows I collect red Le Creuset. This narrows the pool of suspects down considerably. I've called them all (starting with my mother) but no one will fess up.

I want to thank you. Hell, I want to cook you delicious food using them.

Just tell me who you are.

P.S. Would I be completely out of line if I mentioned that should you feel like dropping another 5 bills on me I really, really like the Louboutin Prive Cork Slingbacks? I wear a 41 and my birthday is next month. You know, in case.

Retro Video of the Week

2008-03-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

Inspired by Mr. Little Man. We were watching PBS this morning.

And I apologize because if you are a part of my generation you will have this song stuck in your head all damn day.

Oh, Governor

2008-03-11T21:50:00.000-04:00

Let's be like the rest of the country and talk about the governor of New York for a minute, shall we?

For those of you that don't know, it was recently discovered that Governor Spitzer has been seeking the company of prostitutes. This is the video of the statement he gave to the press:

My issue isn't with what he said...or even what he did. I'm much more interested in Mrs. Spitzer. I've long wondered about the bubble in which political wives are bred. It doesn't matter if the politician is holding a press conference to announce that he has been soliciting a male prostitute, or a female prostitute or even if he is announcing that he is a "gay American"; the wives are always always by their side. Stone faced and sullen.

I can assure you that if my (non existent) husband ever chooses to stick his penis inside a prostitute I will be far too busy getting an HIV test to even remotely consider standing by his side at a press conference. Or anywhere else for that matter. Except maybe down the hall giving my own press conference. Or perhaps meeting with my attorneys in an effort to bleed that low down motherfucker dry. Don't misunderstand; I'm not vindictive. I'm just worried about disease.

I do realize that the only people that truly know what goes on inside a relationship are the people living that relationship everyday. Maybe the governor and his wife have an open marriage. Maybe she doesn't care that he regularly uses prostitutes (although judging by the way she looked at the press conference I'm going to say she was clueless. She just looked shell shocked). The issue is that no matter what your obligation to your wife was you also had an obligation to your children.

And you know what? Your kids had to get up this morning and go to school. Children are notoriously cruel and not matter what kind of agreement you had with your wife (if any at all) I'm guessing your kids were clueless.

In short I'm guessing I'm going to see your Dickipedia entry any minute now.

The Commute from Heaven to Hell is only 30 minutes

2008-03-11T21:05:00.000-04:00

This morning Jules came over super early (she came in on an early flight and needed to kick up her heels before heading back to the airport). For breakfast I had a salmon and cream cheese frittata. With blood orange mimosas. It was pure heaven.

Now I'm sitting at my desk at work getting a ton of bullshit dumped on me. It's pure hell.

And the commute from heaven to hell is only 30 minutes.

How I know I'm getting old, Part #837

2008-03-10T10:23:00.003-04:00

I was online this morning buying tickets to see Tina Dico (May 5, 7:30 pm, Joe's Pub) when I noticed that Adele (that would be 2008's Amy Winehouse) would be playing there as well.

Then I noticed she was playing 2 shows (YAY!). Things quickly went downhill when I noticed that both shows were on weeknights. At 9:30 pm. In NYC. Again, on a weeknight.

In my previous life I could have gone out after the show, come home, showered and gone straight to work. Now that I'm old all I can think about is how impossible it is for me to go to a 9:30 pm show since it interferes with my bedtime.

Retro Video of the Week (or in my case, weak)

2008-02-25T14:27:00.002-05:00

The Chuck Heston Plague-a-thon continues at my house. I am sick. Again.

Thankfully, whenever I hear this song it puts me in a good mood:

Craig's List: Who's Who of Mental Illness

2008-02-21T15:52:00.003-05:00

A play, in 3 parts (alternate title: Flaky. I suppose if I wanted to name it something more creative we could also go with I hate Craig's List with enough fury to burn 10,000 suns).

Part 1, December 2007: The Gue calls me to ask if I'd like to go see The National with him on February 8, 2007. I check my calender; I have no plans and heartily agree to attend.

Part 2, January 2008: The Gue calls to tell me that he made a mistake. The concert is in fact on February 22, not February 8. Do I still want to go? I check my schedule, things aren't looking good so I flake. Shortly thereafter The Gue flakes as well (mainly because he knows that seeing The National in concert without me will be no fun. It's a lot like riding in first class; once you've been there coach class is unacceptable).

But what to do with the tickets? The show is now sold out and people have suddenly discovered what we've known for years: The National are awesome. Tickets are in high demand.

Part 3, February 2008: The Gue advertises them on Craig's List. He gets a good response and finds a buyer that is willing to pay substantially more than face value. The Gue lives in Philly, I live outside of NYC, so he mails me the tickets and I agree to make the exchange on his behalf. The buyer is flaky and can not agree to a time, a date or even a meeting location. I'm not the most patient of people so after a week (that patience thing may have been a joke) I decide to re-list them on Craig's List. Granted I just wanted to get rid of the tickets and didn't put too much thought into my ad, which reads as follows:

2 tickets to see The National on February 22, 2008 at 8 pm at the Howard Gilman Opera House in Brooklyn

Mezzanine Level Row L

BEST OFFER

You must pick these tickets up in New Jersey. You must bring cash. And yes, I will meet you in a brightly lit area to make the exchange.

I get responses from 12 people asking if the tickets are still available. 9 of these people ask me if the seats are orchestra (read the ad). 5 of the these people ask me when the show is (dude, read the ad). 3 of these people ask me where the show is (dude, read the fucking ad). NONE of the people are able to commit to a price. Or a time to meet to exchange money for tickets. A combination of all these factore leads me to believe that Craig's List attracts the Who's Who if Mental Illness. Well, that or illiterate. Or people that can't comprehend simple statements.

The Gue is willing to just write the whole thing off because by now both of us are exasperated. We're tired of Craig's List. And the people that frequent Craig's List. I abhorr the thought of letting the tickets go to waste and keep trying to nudge The Gue into biting the bullet and just going to see the damn show.

This morning I get up to find 6" of snow on my doorstep and more on it's way. This is all just a very nice way of saying that we will not be heading to Brooklyn to see The National.

See you in hell Craig's List.

Have I ever told you about my obsession with the Fibonacci sequence?

2008-02-21T13:42:00.006-05:00

I am a geek. I have said it before. When I was a kid I looked for patterns in everything. My mother was always into arts and crafts and she tried to get me involved but most of my projects ended up looking like geometric puzzles.

I'm good at math and science. I'm analytical. I still look for patterns in everything. Do you remember the TV show Alias? It is solely responsible for me looking for prime numbers in anything for 2 whole years. In high school it was square roots. Right now I have a slight obsession with the Fibonacci sequence.

And when I see cartoon such as this I feel VALIDATED:

The fact that this cartoon exists proves that there are others like me out there and it makes me feel good to know I'm not the only freak.

What I am listening to: Vampire Weekend - A-Punk
Current shoe obsession:

Retro Video of the Week

2008-02-19T21:35:00.003-05:00

I defy you to not like The Beastie Boys.

I'm not sure how anything from 1994 classifies as retro, but just go with it.

Also, I did say that I was not cut out to watch reality television. Let's clarify that because I do watch Project Runway. And this is the biggest reason why:

Please note that I will not be responsible for the 9 minutes and 37 seconds of your life that you will never get back.

Just another day at the sweatshop

2008-02-18T10:30:00.004-05:00

Today is President's Day and most of you are enjoying a leisurely day hanging out at home. I am enjoying a leisurely day in the sweatshop where I am seriously questioning all the choices that brought me here (in general; let's not limit it to today).

Anyway I do what everyone else in my position does at a time like this; surf the web. I have discovered what is quite possibly the best website ever: DICKIPEDIA

It's how I've been able to entertain myself here all morning. Well, that and copious amounts of emailing with The Gue who says:

Hmmm...grading, or read all the entries in "Dickipedia"? You decide.

You are not helping me out at all. I wish you had a real job, with real work and the like. From what i gather, this is what your job entails:

1. Surfing the internet
2. Bringing a "Reign of Terror" upon your office
3. Abusing your boss into giving you more money for I-have-no-idea what
4. Drinking, oops, I mean "entertaining" clients on the weekend, then complaining about drinking for free
5. Flirting with boys much younger than you, and giving them nicknames
6. Writing in your blog about said flirting and discoveries on the internet
7. E-mailing me 20 times a day

Ummm, yeah, I think he's got it right.

Ace of Cakes and other TV news.

2008-02-14T14:32:00.004-05:00

Occasionally I enjoy an episode of Ace of Cakes on the Food Network. I like the show; I think they make amazing cakes. Some of them are engineering marvels. They make planes! Out of cake! With airbrushed clouds! They made Hogwarts Castle! And drove it across the country! I am always amazed at what they can pull together. And now for the good part.

Would I ever eat one of their creations? Hell the fuck no. And let me tell you why:

1. Fondant. On everything. Fondant is essentially a mixture of sugar and water. It's super sweet and super disgusting and eating any amount of fondant will fast track you straight to diabetes land. No one wants that.
2. Germs. Whenever anyone that is decorating a cake on this show they breathe ALL OVER the cake. Whilst they narrate what they're doing. I can't stand it because my mind starts to work overtime and I start thinking about germs. And what they've done with their mouth in the last 24 hours. And why on God's green Earth are they spitting and breathing all over the cake.
3. More germs. The people working on these cakes will scratch their nose and then touch the cake. Then they'll run their fingers through their hair and then touch the cake. Dude, they're called rubber gloves. You guys should look into it.
4. If you bake a cake on Tuesday and it takes you all week to decorate it is it still edible by Saturday.....shouldn't it be stale? And gross?

Honestly, you folks have no idea how much time I spend thinking about cake.

In other news the Writer's Strike is over and I couldn't be happier about it. As discussed above I was just not meant to watch any reality TV. I realize I'll have to wait for fall for new episodes but finally, there'll be more Gossip Girl! JL turned me onto it and yes, it's a guilty pleasure. I need to see the queen of colored tights (that would be Blair Waldorf) exact her revenge on everyone and I need to see Chuck Bass worship at her feet. However, secretly all I really need to know is when is that damn Serena van der Woodsen going to start endorsing hair care products because seriously ya'll, both she and her hair are so very pretty.

What I am listening to: Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone
Current shoe obsession:

I think I may have to buy them for myself for Valentine's Day.

Doing Battle

2008-02-01T12:49:00.000-05:00

For the last couple of months I've been lackadaisical about things that I should have paid a bit more attention to. I'm not sure why I didn't, but I just kind of got into a phase of denial and didn't want to deal with them. This is so unlike me but I became complacent and now I have problems to deal with.

Things just kind of built up to the point where they couldn't be ignored any longer and they were weighing heavy on my shoulders. Which I dutifully ignored while I plunged into an even deeper river of denial.

I am putting everyone on notice: I AM READY TO DO BATTLE.

I woke up this morning and apparently had a revelation over coffee and pancakes. I am letting people walk all over me. And I'm not fighting back. And I can't believe it's come to this. So, I am going to revert back to my old "get things done" persona so that I don't have to spend 3 more months avoiding my issues.

There are things that I've needed to do that I just haven't felt like dealing with: I need to make some adjustments to my 401K, I need to evict some tenants that haven't paid rent in 6 months, I need to do battle with my taxes, I need to seriously consider sending Mr. Little Man back to daycare and I need to de-clutter my house. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The short list of folks / entities that should probably avoid me in the coming days:
my child (if he doesn't clean his room), my boss, my brother, my tenants, the taxman (but only because I am feeling defensive) and the manufacturer of my vehicle.

What I am reading: According to the Boston Globe women think Eli Manning will look better in HD than Tom Brady. Seriously, who thought this was important information to know?
What I am listening to: OneRepublic - Come Home

The 3 date HIT & RUN

2008-01-31T19:27:00.000-05:00

Lately my friends and I have been talking about relationships. This in and of itself constitutes a bad situation, but what I've learned from listening to all of them is that none of them know what they want.

They are walking the fine line between wanting to date and wanting a "semi-permanent" relationship and being happily single. No one really wants to get married and very few are looking for a serious relationship. The problem is where does one go to meet someone who also just wants a part time relationship? I'm not talking a "friends with benefits" type of situation or even a "I need a date to my best friend's 3rd cousin's wedding" situation.

I'm thinking someone you can go out with 2 or 3 times a month for a couple of (consecutive) months. Someone that will inspire a Steve Jobs type reality distortion field, where everything is magical and nothing is impossible before you realize that you're basically single anyway. Then you can go back to being full time single for another 6 or 7 months before you do it all over again. I am going to term this scenario as a "3 date hit & run". You do understand what I am referring to when I say "hit & run", right?

Where does one go to meet like minded people? I suppose you could try an online dating service, but the idea here is to be fair. A lot of folks on Match, et al are marriage minded and will not bend to the whim of a 3 date hit and run-ner. And it's just not right to ask them to. The other party needs to know what they are getting into and since so many people are into this idea why not start a site exclusively for hit & run daters? It could totally catch on.

Sidenote: I am having one of those days where I would kill someone to get my hands on a taco. Or a quesadilla. Or a burrito. Or any combination of meat, cheese and tortilla.

Video of the week

2008-01-30T09:45:00.000-05:00

Definetly not retro, but I am on a Kate Nash kick so forgive me. "Made of Bricks" is in heavy rotation at Niles Towers and I can't stop listening to this CD.

Plus, I kind of love how at the end of the video even their toothbrushes can't face each other.

Election '08

2008-01-29T10:10:00.000-05:00

Unless you've been living under a rock you may have heard that 2008 is an election year. And for those that are confused (you know who you are) the big election this year is for the President of the United States.

I majored in Political Science in college and I think it would be safe to say that politics are a bit of a hobby for me.

I don't want sound all ominous when I tell you to carefully consider your choice because you will select the person that will rule the country for the next 4 years, because it's much more complicated than that. I'm also not going to tell you my choice because I wouldn't want to take votes away from my candidate, but I do want people to make informed decisions. Inform yourself, learn about the candidates, go to their websites, go to some political rallies in your area, find out which issues will make the greatest impact on your life; even if those decisions don't align with what I think is right. All I want is for you to educate yourself, so I've rounded up a few websites that I think will help.

First, we have a handy chart that tells you how the candidates feel about key issues. This should help you narrow things down.

This site will match you up with a candidate after answering a couple of questions.

This site does basically the same thing, however, I suggest giving both sites a try to see if you get the same candidate.

And when you're all done selecting your candidate you can get out your Trapper Keeper and write both your names on the outside. More than likely prefaced by "Mr. and Mrs." (or however you would like you and your partner to be known).

On a personal note: I'm adding this site because folks are constantly asking me what the big deal is regarding civil unions (versus marriage). Oddly enough only 1 candidate supports same sex marriage.

The Weekend

2008-01-28T11:21:00.001-05:00

...which actually started on Wednesday.

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like I was coming down with the flu. Again. It wasn't a full blown flu but I felt like if I stayed home and slept I could nip it in the bud. I did, and woke up Thursday morning feeling great so I trudged off to the sweatshop...

...only to receive a call mid morning that Mr. Little Man had gotten sick at school. He had swim class that morning and had thrown up in the pool (nice, right?). The teacher just thought he'd swallowed too much water and didn't think too much about it. By the time they got back to their classroom he (according to one of the kids in his class) "puked big time". So, I went to pick him up and we spent the remainder of the day on the couch watching Disney movies and napping.

Friday, the ever nagging flu was back and Mr. Little Man was still not up to eating so we stayed home. Again.

Sunday, during brief moments of coherence, I prayed for a swift death. I'm not sure what came over me but I slept for most of the day. I did not get out of bed at all. I had severe chest pains and, for lack of a better explanation, my kidneys hurt like a mother. It was not a normal kind of pain. It was crippling and I just wanted to lay in bed and cry. But then I repeatedly fell asleep? Passed out? No idea, but a visit to the doctor will be completed before the end of business today.

For those of you keeping score at home I have been sick for almost 5 consecutive weeks. I had the pneumonia for almost 3 weeks but at this stage in the game things are getting a bit ridiculous. I feel like whatever illness I have is sidelining me from my life. And its really beginning to annoy me.

What I am reading: Mistress Ruby Ties It Together - Robin Shamberg
What I am listening to: Feist - I Feel It All. Have you seen this video? This time there are no awesome background dancers, but there are awesome timed fireworks.

Nadine does battle with immaturity. And looses. AGAIN.

2008-01-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

I want to grow up. I really do. My immature side is constantly doing battle with my adult side. It doesn't help that I have surrounded myself with people who not only share my sense of humor but, encourage it as well.

When I first saw this at the grocery store my adult side thought, "Apparently male chickens taste different". My immature side giggled and thought, "BLOG POST"!!

I guess you know which side won.

What I am listeneing to: Kate Nash - Foundations. Kate Nash is Lily Allen 2.0
Current favorite commercial:

Just Doing My Civic Duty

2008-01-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago a friend sent me a link to this posting on List of the Day which showcases what are essentially other people's bad photos from back in the day. The post made me giggle so I forwarded it to The Gue. The Gue thought it was easily the funniest thing he'd seen this month so he called me and we spent the next 15 minutes making fun on the pictures. Because we are immature 12 year olds (honestly though I think we may be band geeks who probably have no business making fun of anyone).

Anyway, now I see that List of the Day is asking folks to submit their bad photos for inclusion in a book. I am so there. I have CT going through my parents photo albums looking at our pictures from the 70s and 80s. I assure you I already have one that I can not imagine being rejected from the book (I'm wearing HUGE glasses and polka dots. And, yes, my braids are uneven. AGAIN. CT is wearing SMURF shoes.). And no, I did not tell CT why I needed the pictures.

I can not stop watching Project Runway

2008-01-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

Bravo TV is currently airing season 4 of Project Runway. I've never really paid much attention to the show although my friends regularly rave about it. They always have heated discussions about who should be "in" and who should be "out". I am now officially addicted. A look at the candidates, according to me:

Christian - "If I were a diva my name would be Ferosh", "OH MY GOD, she is so high fashion", "OH MY GOD, she is so gorgeous", "All he does is costumes", "I'm young and I don't have a lot of press yet". I swear, this man says something to make me laugh out loud at least 3 times every episode. And his facial expressions are awesome! And the hair! And I am going to make all of my friends address me as Ferosh.

Jillian and Victorya; the 2 most boring contestants (Team Monochrome) were able to come up with an amazing coat (It was a black satin trench with a train....and pink plaid backing. Seriously. If my name were Ferosh I could totally pull it off) which they referred to as "80s punk/post apocolyptic". Ummmm, they do get that after the apocalypse no one will care about who is wearing what based solely on the fact that most of us will be dead, right? No matter what this team also brought out the jodphurs (JODPHURS!); and I just can't get mad about that.

Rami - I love your dresses. They're incredibly feminine and they hang beautifully, but every design is a variation of the same dress. Also, your type A personality and need to mentally beat up on people with a weaker personality than your own has outed you as an asshole.

Ricky - Dude, you have GOT to stop crying every episode. You need to go home. Also please note that you have to stop making your dresses look like lingerie and most importantly, NOT EVERY WOMAN IS A SIZE 2.

Sweet P - Your ready-to-wear dress this week was super cute and appropriate for women of different ages and sizes. Which is something that I appreciate immensely. Plus, I want us to discuss your tattoos and our boy problems while we drink coffee.

Chris - You got kicked off and them they brought you back. You are the lesson that 1 bad dress will banish you.

Also, I will never get tired of telling Michael Kors to shut up. I thought it would get old, but it has not. Has he done anything of significance lately?

bonus reason - my love for Tim Gunn and his christening of the team of Chris/tian as "TEAM FIERCE".

What I am listening to: Best For Me - Tyler James and Amy Winehouse. OK, here is another example of brilliant (blue eyed soul) music you can only get in the UK. What gives?

Retro Video of the Week

2008-01-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

Everyone that knows me knows I distrust anyone who does not love funk music. I am suspicious of those people....how can you not like funk? My parents were huge proponents of funk and thats what I grew up listening to.

I am about to introduce you to a band called Rufus. They formed in the 1970s and they were multi-racial.....a big thing in the 70s (and some would argue its still a big thing today. Most of you are familiar with Chaka Khan; or at least Chaka's voice.

I present to you a medley of Rufus songs:

Pasted on a tollbooth right by Giants Stadium

2008-01-18T12:03:00.000-05:00

This weekend's playoff game is in Green Bay, but you just know the Giants fans are gonna be pissed off when they see this.

P.S. No, that isn't my handwriting.

Long Time Coming

2008-01-15T17:30:00.001-05:00

All of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian Countess into a white, middle class, Baptist family in Mississippi, and you'll see what I mean. - The Countess, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues

So, some of you may have noticed that I haven't blogged a great deal lately. I have a big old case of writer's block. There are 2 reasons for this:

1. I have things that I do want to write about but I have come to the conclusion that maybe my blog isn't the place for it (see post about second, super secret blog). I have suddenly become a private person. Its almost like I've developed a sense of decorum and don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
2. I'm still trying to come to terms with all these developments myself.

The good news is that I'm over all of the above. I really need to vent and I just don't have the time to devote to therapy. And yes, I totally realize that I may regret this, but again, I think I'm over it.

What to do when the object of your affection cancels a date. 2 nights in a row.

2008-01-09T22:54:00.000-05:00

The Irish Roommate and I had plans for a hot date yesterday, but there was an emergency at work and he had to go in. We rescheduled our (now even hotter date) for today. Work committments again made the scenario impossible. I need to point out that I am not mad about this at all because it could just as easily have been me with the work emergency. Life happens.

Initially I was bummed, but then I remembered that I had:

1. a babysitter
2. manicured nails
3. a really good hair day
4. shaved legs
5. taken the time to actually iron clothes

Do you know the sheer number of things in the universe that have to converge in order to make all 5 of those things happen? I couldn't let it go to waste so I called up some of my girlfriends. Surely we could think of several ways to entertain ourselves for a couple of hours. We (naturally) decided that shoe shopping and margaritas were the way to go.

The margaritas were tasty, the company was great, but the shoe shopping was unsuccessful. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I did manage to pick up a dress that looks so good on me that the object of my affection will yearn to see it crumpled up at the foot of his bed.

I'm just saying.

Current shoe obsession:

What I am listening to: Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Retro Video of the Week? I don't think so.

2008-01-01T13:52:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted a retro video in about 2 weeks; I apologize for being otherwise detained (DRAMA!). Anyway, I figured why post a retro video when these PSAs (all the way from Canada) are clearly superior?

Please note that these are not for the squeamish.

Oh, Heavens to Betsy

2007-12-29T13:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a slow Saturday at Niles Towers and I've been reading The Gue's blog. He's been writing a series of "retro blogs" that tell stories from his misbegotten youth. I decided to take a page from him and also tell a story....from his misbegotten youth.

About 7 or 8 years ago, when The Gue first bought his house in New Jersey he had a rather large housewarming party. Even though I'd known The Gue for a few years this was going to be the first chance I'd had to meet many of his friends. I'd heard stories about most of them and I was familiar with their antics (and vice versa) so I was really looking forward to the party.

One of the couples at the party were The Gue's best friend and his wife. For the purpose of this story we will call them Jim and Betsy. We're also going to call them that because those are their actual names. I do not know what The Gue had told them about me prior to the party and more importantly, even now, years later, I am convinced I do not want to know. It's fair to say that The Gue likes to keep everyone informed.

The party was a huge hit and I met alot of people. The Gue was mingling and telling jokes (as he does), the liquor was flowing and I was spending a good portion of time with Jim and Betsy. Now this party came at the height of my illustrious career as a smoker. And I spent some time on the patio doing what I did best. Betsy was my sidekick. She was such a sweet girl and she kept paying me compliments (at one point she told me I had gorgeous hair and she kept running her fingers through it and asking me what kind of conditioner I used because my hair was incredibly soft).

I go back to mingling and I happen to bump into The Gue in his kitchen and he remarks that he's noticed that Betsey and I have hit it off. And, of course, we had. I didn't have a single bad thing to say about her; she was totally sweet. At this point The Gue decides to drop a bomb on me and tell me that Jim and Betsy are swingers. I started to feel like a lonely gazelle wandering through a field of lions. Betsy was a predator and I had become the prey without even realizing it. Honestly, how many times has one of your female friends run her fingers through your hair? None. Why? Because that's only done when you're trying to seduce someone. Again, I just can't tell when someone is interested me.

What I am reading: I've ordered books. I did thumb through the latest issue of "The Economist" but I'm not sure that counts as reading.
What I am listening to: Badly Drawn Boy - Promise

How much of this craziness can I blame on hormones?

2007-12-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

So, you know how it's been a very long time since I've had the company of a man? Well, apparently I don't remember alot about what it means to keep the company of a man. And now I am confused. Not by him, but by me. I am turning into a girl.

I've always heard my girlfriends complain about how so and so isn't calling or he was late or he did XYZ and OH MY GOD the world is gonna end. And whenever that happens I always give the same advice, which is essentially to stop being such a girl and quit:

A. Expecting him to read your mind
B. Taking a very small thing and blowing it completely out of proportion
C. Telling him that everything is "fine" when it clearly is not

It always breaks my heart a little to see women that are smart, sexy and funny reduced to former shadows of themselves because a man couldn't read their mind. It's a rule of the universe that men, as a whole, are not clairvoyant. If you tell him what's bothering you the two of you can usually work it out in under 5 minutes, instead of you stewing about it for days. But you know what; I'm turning into one of these women (see option B above. OK, maybe a combination of options A and B). It's making me uncomfortable, but I don't know how to stop. My girl hormones are taking over.

And now, I want to talk about my feelings. I am turning into everything I abhorr. God, help me.

What I am listening to: Fleetwood Mac
What I am playing on the Wii: Golf. Mr. Little Man got a Wii for Christmas and holy crap, that is the greatest invention ever.

Top 10 music picks of 2007

2007-12-26T11:51:00.000-05:00

Last year I made a list of my favorite music of 2006. I liked making the list so I made another one for 2007. The problem was I had a hard time coming up with 10 CDs. I don't know if the music that was released in 2007 wasn't as good as previous years or if I just didn't buy as many complete CDs this year as in years past. Either way, here is the list:

1. Undiscovered - James Morrison. I downloaded this is 2006, but it wasn't released in the US until 2007 which is why it made this list. A solid first effort by the young Mr. Morrison. I don't know what they're putting in the water in the UK but they've got an extraordinarily large proportion of great soul singers.
2. Our Love to Admire - Interpol. They moved up to a major label and yet sound the same as they always do. It's a good thing because I was a little worried. this is just an all around good CD.
3. Under the Blacklight - Rilo Kiley. RK albums are pretty much all the same for me. That is to say that I generally hate 2 or 3 (15, Smoke Detector)of the songs on each CD with a burning passion but love the rest so absolutely that they CDs will consistently make the "Best Of" list. Jenny Lewis is, as usual, awesome and Blake Sennet really steps up his game (I hated the last The Elected CD). Hooray, Hooray, I'm your silver lining.
4. Twelve Stops and Home - The Feeling. I am a sucker for British pop. And music that makes me happy. The Feeling makes me inexplicably happy (just go listen to "Fill My Little World").
5. Boxer - The National. I always have a hard time describing The National to anyone. I want to call them "melancholy" or "depressing", but they are neither. I suspect the word I am looking for is subtle. This is not in your face music. It's subtle, it sneaks up on you and you'll love it.
6. Graduation - Kanye West. It's a good ass shaking CD. 'Nuff said.
7. Wincing the Night Away - The Shins. I'll admit it; I have a soft spot for The Shins. Always have, always will. And no, they still don't make sense.
8. The Con - Tegan and Sara. I was introduced to Tegan and Sara via Grey's Anatomy...and I am ashamed. They're so good I can't believe I didn't hear about them earlier. They sound better on The Con than they did on previous albums...and they have retained their "too honest" lyrics.
9. Reminder - Feist. Everybody knows "1,2,3,4", but the rest of the CD deserves a listen. It would be a shame if Feist was only branded into our memory because of an iPod commerical...she's much better than that.
10. Challengers - The New Pornograhers. I stumbled upon TNP when I learned it was a sideline project of my beloved Neko Case. These folks just write damn good songs. "We are the challengers of the unknown!" Indeed.

Honorable Mentions
Kala - M.I.A.
Volta - Bjork
Victorious - The Perishers
New Moon - Elliot Smith

Lets talk Christmas commercials, shall we?

2007-12-20T10:51:00.000-05:00

Every December retail stores take to the television to advertise their latest wares. And to send a message that you have to spend a lot of money to make women happy. It annoys the living fuck out of me.

Exhibit A: The Lexus "December to Remember sales event". OK, here is what I need to know: who buys their spouse a $70,000 car for Christmas? That pretty much makes topping next year's gift impossible. And more importantly, how do you spend that much money without first talking to your significant other? Should this not be a joint decision? Can we not keep the car we have and instead take a nice little vacation and put the rest of the money in our savings account? What if they're horrified....all large purchases should be discussed. Clearly, I don't know what it means to be rich.

The Victoria's Secret Christmas commercials. I need to take a survey; if you are a woman and you like receiving underwear for Christmas EMAIL ME. You should also email me if your husband / boyfriend / sadomasochistic lover knows your bra size; because in my mind that whole underwear for Christmas thing remains an enigma.

The Macy's commercials wherein Jessica Simpson acts like a complete idiot. There are 3 or 4 different ones and in every single one she is depicted as being dumber than dirt. Just stop; I can't take it anymore. Jess: You've built your career on being stupid. Your career sucks, so maybe it's time to try something new. It's an idea you should consider because I refuse to believe you are THAT stupid.

And then there is this commercial. The source of everything I loathe about the commercialization of Christmas.

First off what is wrong with being "that guy"? If I'm lucky enough to have a man that spends time with me and is willing to paint my toenails while I lay on the couch and drink coffee then I'm pretty much going to think that my life is perfect. Diamonds are not going to top that and every woman I know wants to be with "that guy" if she's lucky enough to find him. Shut up diamond industry (and be less annoying)! And also, to continue my rant: if you're a woman and you want something why do you need a man to purchase it for you?

What I am reading: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not. I stopped a while ago.
What I am listening to: Girlfriend - NSYNC and Nelly. Don't even try to pretend that you don't know the song.

Also, total disclaimer....and yes, I completely get that this may be hypocritical. There is something to be said for an engagement ring. One of these days I may get married again and the engagement ring will help to cushion the blow once he realizes that I may be crazy. The ring can be converted to cash once he leaves me and I can buy shoes to help myself get over the loss.

Retro Video of the Week

2007-12-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

There are several videos for this song, however, I could not find the one I was looking for, so you're stuck with this.

The video makes little sense, what with the peregrine falcon just hanging out doing nothing. And yeah, in 1991 we all dance like that. And yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that because I don't remember us looking that stupid (although I now know what my mother feels like when she sees disco footage from the 70s).

Is there such a thing as feeling too comfortable too soon?

2007-12-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

You know how you meet someone new and the first couple of months you date them you're in "the honeymoon period"? You make every effort to get them to see your best side. You're nice, you bite your tongue, you make every effort to look great all the time. I don't really believe in the honeymoon period because after the euphoria wears off and you start acting like the real you you sometimes find that you and your new guy don't really like each other as much as you thought you did.

I'm not good at the honeymoon period, which is the biggest reason why I refuse to bow to it. Why be someone that I am very clearly not? I don't look good all the time, I'm moody, I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't know how to bite my tongue. You either like and accept me the way I am or it becomes very clear, very quickly that I am not the girl for you.

I now find myself in a bit of a predicament. Things are going well with the Irish Roommate. He makes me laugh, he makes me think and he has never, ever questioned my love of shoes (Actually, he sent me a link to a website that had nothing at all to do with shoes....but they did sell shoes as a sideline. Of course, I zeroed in on that right away and when I asked him if that was wrong he said, "Of course, that's what you love". That was the first sign that made me realize that I really liked him).

He has offered to make me dinner this week; I find that incredibly sweet because I've never had a man cook for me. The thing that makes me realize that I should perhaps take a step back and re-evaluate the honeymoon period is the following:

When I get home from work everyday the first thing I do is put on my sweats, t-shirt and fleece socks (my feet get cold and then I get miserable. No one wants that). I have every intention on doing the same when I go to his house for dinner.

Is it too soon for that? Am I already way too comfortable? I am picturing this man making me dinner while I have a glass of wine and relax in my sweats. The thing is normally this amount of comfort would freak me out, but I find it oddly comforting and I don't think he'll even give it a second glance.

At what point is it too soon to feel too comfortable?

By The Numbers: The Company Christmas Party

2007-12-09T10:17:00.000-05:00

Number of people in attendance: 34
Number of drinks consumed: 3 (in 6.5 hours)
Number of people whose blood alcohol level was above the legal limit: 30
Number of drunk people that tried to kiss me: 3
Number of sober people that tried to kiss me: 0
Number of drunk people who tried to touch me inappropriately: 1
Number of sober people who tried to touch me inappropriately: 0
Number of times I danced: 1 (in an effort to get away from the drunk, inappropriate toucher)

Unrelated: I belong to the PTA. On Tuesday we are throwing a holiday party for the teacher's at my son's school. Tuesday is also the same day that Order of the Phoenix comes out on DVD. My PTA duties are throwing off the geeky fangirl that lives and breathes inside my body because all I want to do is ship my child off to school and lay in bed and watch Harry Potter. The movie wasn't even that great, but Helena Bonham Carter plays a really great Bellatrix Lestrange (just look at how crazy she looks when she disapparates inside the fireplace after the battle at the Ministry of Magic).

Reason #157 why I think I might be on crack

2007-12-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

Every year I throw a Christmas Party. Sometimes its 30 people strong, sometimes there are only 6 of us.

This year I am goinng to make turducken. This involves deboning a turkey, a duck and a chicken and stuffing them inside each other.

It's gonna be awesome. What's scary is that I actually think I can do it.

What I am reading: The ABC Book by Dr. Seuss. We've added music. And a dance.
What I am listening to: The Feeling - Helicopter

These are the days

2007-12-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

You know how some days you just think to yourself, "It's been one of those days". Well, for me, today has not been one of those days. Days like this have never existed before in my life.

It's not a bad day. It's not a great day. It's a surreal day wherein I question if all of the things I think just happened actually happened. And they did. And I am cautiously optimistic.

To cap it off for dinner I had gingerbread, popcorn and applesauce (and watched Gossip Girl). That's what you eat (and watch) when you don't know whether to be happy or cringe in utter horror.

What I am reading: Nothing. Tomorrow is St. Nicholas Day and since Mr. Little Man is now fast asleep I am putting out the presents.
What I am listening to: The Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence. How did Taking the Long Way escape my best music of 1996 post?

Retro Video of the Week

2007-12-05T21:23:00.000-05:00

Retro video of the week, if nothing else, helps me rehash all the music I loved in the 1980s. I loved The Cure. I dated a guy that had hair exactly like Robert Smith (if Robert Smith had had shorter hair). The boy's name was Todd and he introduced me to The Cure and The Dead Milkmen. Thanks Todd; I haven't looked back since!

Either the best advice ever given, or the worst

2007-12-03T09:30:00.001-05:00

I am having drinks this afternoon with a friend that will henceforth be referred to as The Irish Roommate. Since he is the proud owner of both a pulse and a penis JL thinks he's fair game.

We were on the phone and she gave me a list of things I had to bring along with me and at the time I wasn't paying a lot of attention.

Our email conversation follows (I had to edit some portion of the convo):
Me: OK, so what do I have to bring with me tomorrow and more importantly why? Also, I know you want him to sleep with him but, no.
JL: If you're not sleeping with him you don't need to bring anything .....if you are sure you will not have sex you can just go and be yourself. Blah, blah, totally boring. I really think you should sleep with him. I need to live vicariously.
Me: And how do you suggest I even broach that subject?
JL: You're kidding me, right? Okayyyyy .... after the beers you will both be loosened up. Then you tell him you'd love to see his apartment. It's really THAT easy! Or, you can say that you'd like to keep talking to him, but maybe in a more private setting ... and suggest a nearby hotel?
Me: I refuse to talk to you about this any longer. Mainly because you make me laugh.
JL: Dude. I am entirely serious. And I can't believe i even have to give you a talk on this. I am telling you how to initiate sex ... YOU ... ummm ... why don't you just tell him you want to ride him till his knees buckle and he pops like warm champagne?

All of my friends are like this. All of them. I think I may need new friends.

Weed-O-Rama

2007-11-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

This is a special little note to everyone who has ever felt the need to smoke weed in public: DON'T

I had to make a beer run for the guys at work last Friday. Every Friday, come 5 pm everyone wants to crack open a cold one, whether the work day has ended or not. We are good customers of this particular LQ (thats how we refer to liquor stores at Niles Towers) and they know that every Friday afternoon one of us will show up.

As I'm walking into the store I note that there is a young man leisurely perched against the building, paper bag in hand. For some unknown reason he reminded me immensely of CT. I get our beer and pay and commence to leave. It's getting a wee bit cold here in New Jersey and it was windy today so as soon as I stepped over the store's threshold I smelled it: the unmistakeable scent of cannibis sativa.

I've never been a weed smoker. That sort of thing never held any interest for me, but I very briefly lived in a dorm when I was a college and once you smell it you'll never forget it. I braced myself for a contact high (I may be exaggerating the tiniest bit), but I wasn't sure just where the weed was coming from.

And then I spotted him; the CT look alike, sitting his car. Brown paperbag in one hand and glass pipe in the other. Coincidentally, this sounds alot like something CT would have done prior to getting bogged down with a wife, child and mortgage.

And the thing is this has been happening to me alot lately. I smell weed in the oddest places. Am I imagining this or are people become more brazen with their drug use? And before you even suggest it, it's not a reflection of the neighborhood I'm in.

Regarding Christmas: Mr. Little Man is, in fact, getting a Wii. His occupational therapist thinks it will help his motor skills as long as he doesn't play more than 30 minutes a day. I am in no way ashamed to tell you that I added Guitar Hero to his Amazon wish list. Together we will rock out to the dulcet tones of Heart's "Barracuda". I also briefly toyed with the idea of adding Dance Dance Revolution, but we'd never leave the house if we owned that.
What I am listening to: The Quiet Storm on the radio. Right now they are playing Luther Vandross, Anyone Who Had A Heart. Sample lyrics: Anyone who ever loved could look at me / And know that I love you / Anyone who ever dreamed could look at me /And know I dream of you. Burt Bacharach wrote this song, which I didn't know before tonight. He also wrote "A House Is Not A Home". I bow before the master of the love song.

Conundrum

2007-11-29T19:12:00.000-05:00

Very few of my friends know that this blog exists. There are many reasons behind this decision and I joke that mainly its because I will eventually talk about them here. It's a joke because if I have anything mean to say about someone it will come in the form of a full frontal verbal assault, but hey, you never know.

I started blogging just because I needed a place to vent and also to save money on my therapy bill. It's worked out for me. I've also made alot of new friends because of this blog. And now I have a problem. I have no place to go when I want to talk about my internet friends.

Ignore the full frontal attack habit for a moment and think about it. Sometimes you just need a spot to work out your aggression without being mean. Sometimes you need to say something like, "I slept with my ex-boyfriend's sister", but both your ex-boyfriend AND his sister read the blog so where can you go? Also, just so you know I never slept with my ex-boyfriend's sister.

Or maybe you meet someone new and you figure the easiest way for them to get to know you is to read your blog. And you know what? They love your blog and then they ask you to never, EVER, write about them because they are smart enough to know that when you're a blogger everything is fair game and every little thing has the potential to become a feature story. Like your friend making a sandwich out of the pre dinner salad and bread.

All of these things come together and facilitate the need for a second, super secret blog. Fellow bloggers, what do you say? I think we should make it a group effort.

On an unrelated note I LOVE this shoe:

These are Louboutins and they cost $770.00. Now, I am notoriously cheap, but even if I wasn't I have better things to spend $770.00 on (plus, I'd have to put the same amount of money in Mr. Little Man's college fund). So, what I need is a knock off because I adore this shoe. Tell me where to find them. Also, if you could direct me to the same shoe in maybe a champagne color (oooh, perhaps in a slingback), that would be awesome.

What I am reading: I just bought a bunch of books for Mr. Little Man for Christmas....all Caldecott winners.
What I am listening to: The National - Available

Retro Video of the Week

2007-11-28T15:29:00.000-05:00

This video is from 1986. And honestly, I have no idea how I am going to top it because it contains one of the greatest lines ever recorded: "You without me is like cornflakes without the milk."

The Stalker

2007-11-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

From the age of 17 to the age of 19 I was in an abusive relationship. It has taken me a very long time to say that. It has taken me longer to come to terms with it.

Ex-boyfriend week kind of came to a screaming halt when I realized that I probably should be writing about this, and I spent 5 days trying to figure out a way to make the story light hearted or funny. But, this story will never be light hearted and it certainly will never be funny.

No one wants to be in an abusive or controlling relationship and when I look back I'm not even sure how I got there. But before I knew it I was living with this man and I was estranged from my family and a large majority of my friends. It's so classic right down to the fact that he would buy me expensive gifts (For my 18th birthday he bought me a Firebird Formula 350....with T tops)and discourage me from getting an education.

I will spare you the really ugly details of the relationship except to say that the thing that made me realize that it was time to go was him trying to kill me. And when I left I told him I was going to visit a friend and I'd be right back...and I left EVERYTHING behind. All of my clothes, my class ring, my toothbrush; essentially everything that I owned that wasn't in my purse. And while I think that it would be nice to have my high school yearbooks and my letter jacket and all that sentimental stuff I don't miss it when I realize I was just lucky to get out of there alive.

I moved 1200 miles away, I started college, I was comfortable and happy and then one day, 6 months later, my unlisted telephone rang. And guess who it was? It was hell all over again. My room mates left for winter break and I couldn't even take a shower in my own house because I was scared that he'd see it as an opportune time to kill me. I did eventually get a restraining order, but let's face it...if someone wants to kill you then a piece of paper will do little to stop them.

The mental hold an abuser has on his "victim" (for lack of a better word, because I don't ever want to be thought of that way) is insurmountable. It took me years to stop looking over my shoulder and feel safe in my own home. But I got through it and I can't imagine anyone ever having that kind of control over me again. And I do realize that people that know me that read this entry are going to wonder why I put up with it or why I allowed certain things to happen. But I am the person that I am NOW because of all of the things that happened to me then. The person that I am now would not, for a second, stay in that type of situation.

Statistics tell me that 20% of women have been assaulted by an intimate partner. I don't know what the percentage is for men. All I know is that if you are in this situation please, please, please, get help. Go to your friends, go to your teacher, go to your parents, go to the cops. There are so many people who will help you.

A good place to start:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

And once you decide to be done with the relationship you need to go to therapy. Or a support group. Because the number of people that have lived through relationships like yours are vast. And you are definitely not alone.

The Story of Joe

2007-11-20T05:32:00.000-05:00

Ex boyfriend week continues with the story of Joe. Now, Joe wasn't really a boyfriend, but this is a good story. It's also a story within a story so you may have to re-read.

Mr. Little's Man's first birthday party was a big affair. 25 people came from 4 states to attend and I was telling the following story in my kitchen as I was making dinner. In the kitchen with me were: my mother, Jules, Eric, Anthony (and his then fiance Barb) and the Big E.

Joe worked for a company that my place of business employed as a vendor. We talked on the phone everyday for about 15 months before we actually met. I had just had my son and he used to call me at home while I was on maternity leave to check on me and see how I was doing. One day he suggested that maybe I needed to get out of the house so he invited me out and I happily accepted. I was not thinking this was a date, because, again, I was born without the ability to tell when a man is interested in me.

So, he comes over and he brings gifts for Mr. Little Man....the most beautiful baby clothes that I have ever seen in my life. Joe is from an old world Sicilian family and he asked his sister for help (she is a clothing buyer for a boutique in NYC). I got all these gorgeous handmade Italian baby things, including a cashmere jumper. I just felt really blessed that he'd made such a huge effort.

We go out, have a great time and close the place down. It was the most fun I had in a year. We did this for three consecutive weeks and each time we ended up closing the place down. We just told stories and laughed. And then I went back to work and didn't have time anymore to hang out. We continued to talk on the phone everyday because of work. I didn't think anything of it.

10 months went by and we both happened to be going on vacation at the same time. We were both going to be flying out of the same airport so we decided to meet for coffee while we waited for our planes. Joe used to be a big guy and when I saw him at the airport I almost fell over. The man had lost over 100 lbs. The difference was dramatic to say the least. I was amazed; he looked really good.

I mentioned the weight loss and the asked why he decided to loose weight. He told me that the previous summer he'd gone on a couple of dates with a girl. They'd had a great time and laughed and at the end of each date he took her home and nothing happened. No hug, no kiss, nothing. He said he really liked her but she didn't reciprocate and he felt like she was turned off by his weight. I went on to say that this wasn't possible and that the girl was just shallow and didn't deserve him.

Now at this point everyone in the kitchen starts laughing. I'm not sure I am in on the joke because I don't know what they are laughing at. Jules says, "You know you're the girl, right?" Everyone in the room agreed that I was the girl. And my mother thinks this is the funniest thing ever.

FUCK! It was a possibility that hadn't even crossed my mind, but the more I considered it the more I saw it as an option. I may be the shallow girl. I wasn't turned off by the weight...I just wasn't thinking romance; hello, I'd just had a baby.

The thing is Joe and I still hang out, we still talk on the phone everyday. He left his place of employment and started his own company (which is THRIVING. He really got his mogul on...and is looking to open an office in Baltimore) and I brought my business to him. And I have never, EVER, gotten up the nerve to ask him if I was the girl.

Incidentally: I was in Starbucks yesterday and they had a caramel pecan muffin that was low fat. How is this even possible? Real caramel + pecans does NOT equal low fat.
What I am listening to: Prince - Pink Cashmere

2007-11-19T20:14:00.000-05:00

I know this is NaBloPoMo, but this whole "I have to post everyday" thing is not working out for me. I had a super busy weekend and this morning I spent all my time IMing with a friend. This afternoon my friend Mark from Germany arrived, so blogging hasn't really been at the top of the list of priorities.

This week there are 2 videos. One from me and one from The Gue. Both by A-ha. I won't tell you which is my selection, but I hope you enjoy both.

Ex-Boyfriend Week

2007-11-16T11:27:00.000-05:00

You know how The Discovery Channel has Shark Week and TBS has Bond Week? Well, I am officially declaring this Ex Boyfriend Week. OK, I probably don't have enough ex boyfriends to fill up an entire week...but I could probably keep this up for 3 or 4 days.

The Exes have been coming out of the woodwork for about a month or two. It's completely out of the blue and it's gotten to the point where I can't ignore them. And honestly, I'm so blindsided by their sudden re-appearance that my desire to figure out why they are making their presence known outweighs any common sense I can muster. The common sense would tell me to turn and run, but, like a moth to the flame I'm stuck there.

So, I'm going to do what any self respecting woman I know would do; I've decided to tell stories about them on my blog.

Day 1 - McJackass

OK, he isn't called McJackass because we had a bad break-up. We had as amicable a break-up as was possible. We really, really, tried to stay friends, because first and foremost thats what we were. It was hard work, but we were making a lot of headway...and then we had the mother of all knock-down drag-outs. And I said some horrible, horrible things to him (things I won't even repeat here because you'll never think of me in the same way).

Anyway, McJackass was damn near bald. He was 10 years older than me and I've got a thing for bald guys, so I was good to go. He, on the other hand, hated being bald. I had really, really long hair at that time.

Also, despite the beginning of the next line let me assure you that this is NOT a sex story. I have no sex stories because I am still a virgin (ignore the fact that I have a child and go with it).

So anyway, at night when we went to bed he would wait until he thought I was asleep. He'd snuggle really close to me; back to back. And then he would put all of my hair on top of his head and pretend it was his. No, really.

At the time I thought it was kind of endearing. Now I just think it's funny. Because I am the meanest queen in the cafeteria.

And because it's only fair...if McJackass had a blog he would tell you that I: snored, ate liverwurst and wouldn't shave my legs for a week in the winter.

What I am reading: The Business of Fancydancing - Sherman Alexie. I've read this about 20 times, but I grabbed it off the bookshelf last night. I needed something quick that I could get into before the Nyquil kicked in.
What I am listening to: Arcade Fire - No Cars Go

Subliminal Christmas Starts Early This Year....and unrelated topics

2007-11-15T12:49:00.001-05:00

I am currently stuck in the hell dimension known as "I have the flu land". It's kicking my ass left and right, but it's the racist's birthday so I ran into work hoping that maybe I could sneeze on her and transmit.

I kid, I kid. The cold meds are making me crazy.

Trust me when I tell you that this post is gonna be all over the map.

So, anyway, I was at Starbucks on Saturday and I noticed the red cups are back. Then I realize the gingerbread latte is also back (Oh sweet heaven, thank you). Subliminal messages to purchase Christmas items abound. I grab my coffee and walk over to the Target to buy super glue. Christmas stuff is everywhere and my brain is going into subliminal message overdrive.

This is also, coincidentally the same day that I am supposed to meet The Gue, so I get back in the car and start driving to Princeton. Because The Gue and I are both.....what is the word I am looking for...eccentric? weird? clueless? we don't really have a plan on where to meet other than "Princeton". It's not exactly a town with 1 streetlight, you know?

We narrowed down our meeting place to Route 1, which is a major highway running through Princeton. Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you have an event that needs to be planned The Gue and I can only be entrusted to bring liquor; we should never be asked about contributing to the planning.

I'm driving down Route 1 and I know there is a Pottery Barn there so I stop to check it out. I'll be honest with you, I love the Pottery Barn; I don't want to, but I do. And yes, I heeded the siren call and found myself succumbing to their subliminal messages to purchase Christmas decorations. The Gue walked in (have you ever seen a manly man inside a Pottery Barn....it's like seeing an elephant walking down Main Street; a creature completely out of his native habitat) to find me with my arms full of super cute ornaments. I was buying them for Mr. Little Man's teacher, therapists, aide, bus driver and all the other folks that are currently in what I call "The Autism Army". I am going to tie them to their presents. Please note I have no idea what to get any of these folks, because honestly? How do you say thank you for what they do?

Now, back to the story about The Gue. After he narrowly escaped from the PB with his manhood intact we decided to go to Alchemist and Barrister. We ate, we drank, we watched football. I tried to take pictures but certain people would not cooperate. Alternately they decided they didn't want to be featured on the blog stuffing their face.

We've decided that Alchemist and Barrister will now be "our place". If you see us there you can say hi but don't be all blogerazzi.

What I am reading: I just read a Meme from my friend Lee:
72. Has anyone ever used you?
Yes. It was awesome.
What I am listening to: Otis Redding - Change is Gonna Come

Retro Video of the Week #2

2007-11-13T03:26:00.000-05:00

I remember when this video first came out. People were calling it a cinematic masterpiece. I used to stare at the TV when it came on and try to figure out who the faces merged (when I show this to Mr. Little Man and explain to him that this fascinated me he will laugh because he was born in the digital age). With technology today I totally think someone should redo it to see what it looks like.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I present to you Godley and Cream "Cry":

Baking Advice

2007-11-12T17:57:00.000-05:00

I got this email from a friend today and (with permission) I am reprinting it here:

Hey,

My sister has decided that she wants to start baking and could use some bake books for Christmas. My sister is a horror in the kitchen and you know my track record in that department. I know you bake alot and hoped you could suggest a couple of books. And some equipment.

OK, baking is equal parts luck and science. If you are a beginner I am going to make it really easy for you. Please note that what I am about to suggest will draw the ire of every baker I know, but I am suggesting this for a reason.

Go out and get your sister a copy of The Cake Mix DOctor. Serious bakers will consider this a sacrilege, but the recipes are idiot proof. She'll try a couple and then, once her confidence as a baker skyrockets she can move on to more serious books. I've made alot of the recipes in that book as last minute cakes or even coffee cake for the office and I have never gotten anything less than a rave review.

For the more serious baker I'd suggest The Pie and Pastry Bible or The Complete Book of Baking. Both are easy to follow and contain alot of workable recipes.

Once she goes pro I have a couple of others I'd recommend, but let's just begin with the starter kit.

As for equipment. Until she graduates to a something other than The Cake Mix Doctor I'd just stick with a plain old hand mixer, (2) 10" round pans (and, yes, you will need 2 pans for layer cakes. You can NOT bake the layers at different times because your leavening will fall flat), a 12 cup tube pan and perhaps a loaf pan. Baking can be a serious investment. I have this mixer; it was a gift, but it was ridiculously expensive. And worth every penny. I have a pan for every occassion.

Be patient. Learning to bake takes time. And alot of practice.

What I am reading: Sometimes I think I need to throw a copyright on my emails.What I am listening to: a-ha - The Living Daylights. a-ha used to be my favorite band when I was in Junior High. Their posters covered the walls in my room and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was gonna marry Morten Harket.

Not in my Lifetime

2007-11-11T17:21:00.000-05:00

So you know how sometimes you get yourself into a situation and you find yourself asking, "What the hell just happened?", "What is going on?" or perhaps, "How the fuck did I get to this point in my life?". You know you've been there to; don't try to deny it.

I was there today. I caught myself watching Lifetime. Television for Women.

The thing is I don't even know how it happened. Mr. Little Man was feeling under the weather and I went into cook mode. I made 2 kinds of soup (for the freezer), a meatloaf for my landlady, 2 kinds of ravioli, 2 trays of lasagna (all for the freezer, except for, obviously, the meatloaf). I also made a cake to take to work. I finally sat down around 3 pm.

I grabbed a book, sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I kinda flipped through the channels, but nothing good was on (SIDEBAR: I have hundreds of channels....why is nothing on? I know you're saying Nadine, it's Sunday. You're a football fan, but honestly, I wasn't even in the mood for that). So, I settle on a channel, because I like the commercial thats on and I start to read. I'm soaking in the book and I'm halfway into the movie that's playing.

The movie was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute and I'm calling bullshit left and right, but I can't look away. It was like watching a traffic accident. Eventually we get more commercials, some of which are advertising equally stupid movies and thats when I realize. Fuck; I have allowed myself to be sucked in by Lifetime.

And, yes, I watched the rest of the movie.

What I am reading: Cookbooks. I think I may go completely non-traditional for Thanksgiving and make Moroccan food.
What I am listening to: Restless Heart - I'll Still Be Loving You.

How Men Feel About Women....all over New Jersey

2007-11-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

Taken at the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Taken in Princeton.

What I am watching: The Big Bang Theory (on CBS Innertube)

Cooking with Wine

2007-11-09T16:24:00.000-05:00

Its Friday night in New Jersey and things are shaping up for a nice little weekend (Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time. Sorry, I felt the sudden compulsion to throw in an Old School joke).

Tonight I am racing home, cleaning my house, sorting the laundry. I'm gonna cook with wine (you can read between the lines on that one). I'll roast some root vegetables and make a couple of meals for the freezer.

Mr. Little Man will be out and about tomorrow so I'm gonna meet the Gue for lunch and maybe a movie. More than anything we just kind of need to hang out & bullshit. I did invite him out for a night in Hoboken tomorrow night, but apparently we (or more specifically HE) is getting too old for that. I, on the other hand, am still spry and will probably meet some friends from work there late (I say late because I don't go out until after Mr. Little Man is fast asleep. It just makes no sense to me that you would have someone other than yourself tuck your child in and read them their bedtime story. That's our fun time together).

Sunday, as always, is family day. Depending on the weather we may go to New York City. Or Liberty Science Center. Or we'll build a tent in the living room and watch TV.

Rock and Roll lifestyle, Indeed.

What are your weekend plans?

What I am listening to: George Michael and Mutya Buena - This Is Not Real Love.

Clarity Happens Overnight

2007-11-08T18:28:00.000-05:00

OK, let's get one thing straight. I am a girl and as such I tend to overanalyze and let a small thing turn into a very large, all consuming thing. I overthink. This is exactly what happened to me last night. And you know what? It shouldn't have. I meant what I said, not what JL wrote.

A good nights sleep always helps me realize that I am an idiot.

What I am reading: TV Guide. I am not ashamed. I am going to watch TV while I still can. This strike ain't going nowhere...and it shouldn't.
What I am listening to: Tasha Taylor - If Tomorrow Never Comes

JL is right

2007-11-07T20:37:00.000-05:00

There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week - Rilo Kiley "Portions for Foxes"

JL is right.
Vanilla sucks.

What I am listening to: James Morrison - The Letter

Amalgame

2007-11-06T15:45:00.000-05:00

I am constantly thinking of blog topics at a time when it is inconvenient to post a topic. When I am in the car or making Mr. Little Man's lunch or when I'm at work in the middle of a business meeting. A lot of times I'll just jot the thought down and stick it in my purse. Oftentimes I forgot that I wrote something down or the time has passed for the topic to be relevant (the entire month of October I wanted to write about breast cancer awareness and I just never got around to it).

Eventually, I'll forget that said notes are in my purse and I'll end up with notes that say things like cabbage or running or condoms, but I'll be damned if I know what it is about condoms that I wanted to make you aware of. My memory is failing.

Today I dug 5 notes out of my bag (Jules bought me a new purse because clearly I am the best friend ever) and I found the following notes:

1. movies
2. strike
3. MySpace
4. razor
5. video

Let's see if I can remember what it is about these 5 things I wanted to make you aware of.

#1 - MOVIES
I am psyched about movies coming out this fall. Mainly because some of my favorite books have now been set to film. Actually now that I think about it I'm not that psyched because movies never live up to the brilliance of books.

His Dark Material is now The Golden Compass; early reviews for the film are bad. Maybe I'll wait for this to some on TV.

Persepolis - It's animated. I LOVED this book. I bought alot of copies of it as gifts and I've got high hopes.

Beowulf - Why can't I escape the feeling that the industry will fuck this film up beyond all recognition?

No Country for Old Men - Again, great book and there is lots of potential here to get it right. I'll probably go see this on opening day. Plus, Javier Bardem!

Love in the Time of Cholera - This is my favorite book of all time. I completely identify with it (sad, right?), but I don't know how I feel about turning this into a movie. With Marquez you need to start slow and build and I don't think they made a 4 hour movie. They should have started with something slow like "The Trail of your Blood in the Snow". As a side bonus you've got another delicious serving of Javier Bardem! On the downside Mike Newell directed it and I still feel like he completely screwed up Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

I Am Legend - I have no plans on seeing this. I'm just mentioning it because it's a take on The Omega Man. Charlton Heston always brings Soylent Green to mind and there was no way in hell that I was gonna pass on an opportunity to say "Soylent Green is PEOPLE".

#2 - STRIKE
Ahh, yes, the writer's strike (I'm hoping thats what I wanted to write about because I haven't been bowling since what feels like the dawn of time).

So, if you've been living under a rock the last few days then you haven't heard that the Writer's Guild of America is on strike. Specifically, if your write for a movie or a TV show you should be on strike. Now, I completely understand why they are on strike. Back when VHS tapes first came out the writer's wanted a bit of the residuals from VHS sales, but they didn't get it because they were told that VHS was new technology and untested and the sales wouldn't amount to anything. This time around they've learned their lesson and they want residuals from DVD sales and internet downloads. It's only fair. Why should studios make all the money? I need to see some trickle down (and honestly I am a teamster baby hiding in a non-teamster family)!

So, now everything that hasn't been pre-filmed is down and out. No more Tonight Show, no more Daily Show (although I think it's awesome that John Stewart is paying his writing staff for 2 weeks....out of his own pocket). And once the scripted TV shows run out of pre-taped episodes we will all be stuck watching reality TV or actually getting off our lazy asses and doing something else.

Plus I am convinced that it will give writer's some extra time to think of ways to fix their shows. HEROS - I am looking at you. The Wonder Twins need to do something (anything) or get off the TV; and thats just for starters because the show is dragging. See also, Grey's Anatomy.

#3 - MySpace
JL created a MySpace profile for me a long ass time ago. I still have no idea how to use MySpace. Apparently, it is NOT idiot proof as previously hoped. The thing is people find me on there all the time. It's weird to hear from the kid that used to but his boogers on you in first grade (It wasn't funny then and its not funny now. You've left my psyche permanently scarred. FUCKER.).

#4 - RAZOR
I can not imagine that I wanted to deliver a lecture about leg shaving, so I am guessing I wanted to talk about the Battlestar Galactica Razor movie. The movie is supposed to air on Sunday, November 24 at 9 pm. Thats Thanksgiving weekend. Lots of out-of-towners will be around so the bar scene will be hopping. Where will I be? Getting my BSG fix. Maybe some of the out-of-towners will be dorks and will want to come over and eat chocolate and watch BSG. If I get a crowd maybe I'll make cupcake shaped like robots (I'm picturing it and man, are they going to be awesome. If things go really well I'll make some R2D2 ones as well...even if they don't necessarily fit the theme).

#5 - VIDEO
Ahh, yes. The pièce de résistance! The Gue and I (of course) were talking about things we'd be blogging. He always blogs whats at the top of his iTunes rotation. When I went to visit him a couple of months ago we spent a large portion of the day watching music videos from the 80s. A idea was born: the retro video of the week (please note that when I say "week" I really mean whenever I think of something. You can't place unfair time restraints on someone who regularly forgets damn near everything).

I present to you one of the greatest videos of the 80s:

And yes, the quality really was that bad in 1984.

What I am listening to: Tapes 'n Tapes - Omaha

CD Baby!

2007-11-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

I am a music aficionado. I can not help it. Some folks become drug addicts...I am a music addict.

The digital age has allowed me to stop buying CDs. I download everything. Occasionally I fall in love with an artist who is not on a major label. This makes downloading difficult, and I have to revert back to the CD.

Yesterday I bought a CD off one such the site; CD Baby. They sent me this email:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Sunday, November 4th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby

These folks are such smart asses and I love them for it. I may have to go back to buying CDs just to see what kind of email they will send me next.

An unrelated word about downloads: I download from several different sites. JL has the password to one such site and occasionally I'll log on and see that "someone" has downloaded some weird ass shit using my account. I'm talking about things like the Legally Blond soundtrack or The Spice Girls.
What I am listening to: Cansei der Ser Sexy - Hot Hot Sex. The name of the band (hereafter referred to as CSS) means "I'm tired of being sexy" in Portuguese. And you know what? I AM tired of being sexy all the time. It's hard work. I am here to testify that I am living proof that its a very short journey from being sexy all the time to walking around in sweat pants with unbrushed hair. Ummm, not that I would EVER do that.

Weekend Update

2007-11-04T17:39:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up my father was in the military so we lived all over the world. You move around; you collect friends. It was a way of life. I went to college; I collected friends. I've lived in 6 counties in New Jersey. Guess what? I collected friends. Its safe to say I've got friends all over the place.

I always feel bad when they call me up and ask me to fill them in on what has been going on in my life. My friends are doing exciting things like dropping out of law school and having multiple children and hiking Machu Picchu. My idea of excitement is buying several family packs of chicken and going home to divide it into 2 person portions for the freezer. You can't compare that to going to the lost city of the Incas.

This post is for all my friends. I'd hoped to delay you finding out how completely boring I am, but in all honesty I can't hide in any longer.

Mr. Little Man Update - He is doing really, really well. No matter what happens I can always gush about my child. He is going for individual speech therapy twice a week and it has made a huge difference. His diction and articulation has improved to the point where people are remarking that he is understandable. No, he still doesn't willingly speak, nor does he have a large vocabulary, but this is already such a huge step for him.

He is also starting to spell 3 letter words and he thinks rhyming is the funniest thing ever. Cat, Mat, Bat, Hat....that sort of thing.

The Cookie Dough update - CD & I haven't spoken in several weeks. With the exception of my grandfather I have never in my life met someone who is so much like me. It's almost like looking in the mirror. We had a huge blow out about something stupid. He says he won't speak to me until I apologize. I won't speak to him until he apologizes. The thing is that now whenever we lay eyes on each other we just start laughing because we're both waiting for something that is never going to happen. This may be the week that we finally get over it and go back to be friends.

Other personal stuff - Filet Mignon was on sale this week. I bought a huge one and cut it up into individual portions for the freezer.

Work is good. The racist is still there & she is hanging in. No matter how much crap we give her. And we all do. I almost feel bad for her.

Yeah, my family is still insane. I may be going to visit for Thanksgiving and I've broken out all my old psychology notes so that I can diagnose them all at the dinner table. I figure it will save them a couple of bucks and time spent at the shrink's. It's times like this I really wish I could write prescriptions. Or at least get some meds myself for the impending visit. Don't get me wrong; I love my family. I sometimes just feel like I only love them because they live 800 miles away.

CT is well. My nephew (hereafter to be referred to as Baby X) is awesome and just celebrated his first birthday. My sister in law.....well, let's talk about something more pleasant like syphillis or herpes.

And, no, I still haven't fulfilled my lifelong dream of winning the lottery. But I am totally considering selling my body on the street to finance Mr. Little Man's college fund. The problem is that I just don't think I get more than 2 bits for it.

What I am listening to - Tasha Taylor - Stand. If you don't know who she is you should check her out here or here.

Let me tell you about my snake

2007-11-03T08:01:00.000-04:00

The powers that be have blessed me with a child that has a hatred of all 4 legged mammals (and most things that qualify as 2 legged mammals as well). As such the purchase of a pet is somewhat difficult. We used to have a goldfish named "Hollywood". Mr. Little Man always attempted to hand feed him and I think that honestly the poor thing finally just died of a heart attack. We flushed him and Mr. Little Man gave him an enthusiastic wave and screamed, "Goodbye Hollywood". It's possible he has seen Finding Nemo one too many times.

Every year we take a trip to Baltimore to the Aquarium, which he loves. He could care less about the fish what he really loves are the reptiles and amphibians. He has taken a very keen interest in frogs and turtles.

For the last 6 months or so I've really gotten interested in getting him a pet. Every 5 year old boy should have a pet, right? I have never been to keen on the idea of a cat. It's probably fair to say they creep me out and I hate them with the burning fury of 1,000 suns; so that is not an option. Lots of folks in the neighborhood have dogs and every single time one crosses out path Mr. Little Man screams in terror; so that isn't an option either. What we've got here folks leads straight down the path of the "nontraditional pet".

I settled on a turtle. I was going to name her "Truly Scrumptious"....just like in that cinematic masterpiece, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Alas, turtles are illegal in my state (salmonella). Our next stop was a frog, but I didn't want a boring old tree frog; I was looking for something carnivorous. They, too are hard to come by (side bar: my room mate and I had an Argentine Horned frog in college. His name was ROcket and he did not eat for 15 months).

I finally settled on getting some type of lizard. Preferably a vegetarian species. An iguana or chameleon would be pretty cool. Perhaps even a gecko (they have awesome toe pads or setae or whatever they're called). The chameleon would have been awesome, but was disqualified due to it's status as a meat eater. What I ended up with was a snake.

My friends Nick and Ray are leaving New Jersey for the bright lights of Las Vegas. Nick has a snake that he found in his yard 2 years ago that he has adopted as a pet. It didn't have a name so I've decided to call her Rick. A mash-up of Nick and Ray, since I am going to miss them tremendously. Rick is a very small snake; only about 8" long. Considering Nick had her for such a long time I feel like she should be bigger, but she has been eating regularly so I'm not gonna worry about it. Honestly, my days of taking care of 15' snakes are over.

And yes, I'll save that story for another time.

If this were Grey's Anatomy: I would be the Christina Yang to JL's Meredith Grey.
What I am listening to: Matt Nathanson - Car Crash

2007-11-02T10:00:00.000-04:00

This weekend I took my car for an oil change. I hate this chore; it is one of my least favorite things to do.

I used to change my own oil, which was much more convenient for me because I could do it at my leisure, without having to wait in line, but time is a luxury I no longer have. Back to the story.

In addition to my oil change I also asked for a tire rotation. I always go to the same place to get this stuff down. They have a long driveway with the garage sitting on top of a little hill. When you back out of the garage bays you are essentially going downhill.

So, the technician changes the oil and then does the tire rotation. He completes the whole thing and proceeds to back my car out of the bay. It suddenly becomes clear to me that the tech does not know how to drive a car with a standard transmission because as the car is rolling down the hill the engine is revving much more than it should...it's also not moving forward in any way. I'm not even going to mention the extremely panicked look on his face. He made it about halfway down the hill before he had the good sense to step on the brakes. He took a minute to get his composure before he attempted to once again move the car up the hill. It didn't work and he ended up rolling further down the hill and hitting a woman who was walking down the sidewalk. No, really. He didn't hit her hard; it was more like a "tap", but it was still enough to freak me out.

As though this wasn't enough after she got done yelling at him he attempted moving the car a third time. This time the car just rolled into the street into oncoming traffic. Honestly, my heart damn near stopped as I was thinking about what my liability would be in all of this. Luckily no one hit him, but there were enough people honking and yelling (this is Jersey after all) that it attracted the attention of the manager who came out to move the car (because I was still frozen in place picturing the inevitable lawsuits).

The placated me with some strong coffee and the offer to "bum a smoke". Sometimes I am just too easy to pacify.

What I am reading: Once again it is November.....that's NaBloPoMo so my brain only has room to think about posts.
What I am listening to: The Perishers - Get Well Soon

A Brief Conversation with my mother

2007-11-01T09:13:00.000-04:00

The phone rings I RUN to answer it.

Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Ummm, talking to you on the phone. I had to run to catch it in time.
Mom: Are you in your underwear?
Me: Ummm, yes. But only because I had to run to catch the phone.
Mom: Are your blinds open?
Me: (with annoyance in my voice) Yes, mother.
Mom: Close them, nobody wants to see you in your underwear.
Me: Stop calling me.

That conversation should explain everything about me.

What I am reading: EW
What I am listening to: Borne - The Guide

This ruins my entire Halloween costume

2007-10-30T16:30:00.000-04:00

So, I broke my finger:

Please note: I am not doing the "live long and prosper" on purpose....that's just the only way my hand moves.

To make a long drawn out story really short I will only say that some jackass slammed my finger into a metal door. The damn thing swelled up to 3 times its original size and the good doctor burned (BURNED! WITH FIRE!) a hole into my fingernail to drain the excess blood. That was 24 hours ago and I am still bleeding.

Anyway, the thing I am most upset about is the fact that this ruins my awesome Halloween costume. I was going to dress up as Rogue from the X-Men. My hair looks awesome with the white streak (yet it doesn't look good with the natural gray; go figure). The biggest problem I have is that I can't fit the damn glove over my bandaged hand.

Any ideas on what I can dress up as (while still hiding my hand)? I suck at short notice stuff like this. And no Gue, I am not going as the guy from the Wendy's commercials.

What I am reading: The Cupcake Round-Up results are in!
What I am listening to: The Perishers - Come Out of the Shade.

Sleepy Time Strife

2007-10-28T19:19:00.000-04:00

I know that right about now you are looking at this picture and thinking that Mr. Little Man doesn't look too happy with my choice of (weird) Halloween costume for him. You would be wrong.

That is not any part of a costume. He is wearing his PJs and his swim gear; flippers and paddles folks! What he is unhappy about is the fact that it's bedtime, not beach time. Although I do see how the two are easily confused.

What I am reading: Duh, Dr. Seuss' Sleep Book
What I am listening to: Giuseseppino - Fuggi, fuggi, fuggi da questo cielo. Its one of our favorite bedtime songs.

Christmas season starts today

2007-10-28T08:56:00.000-04:00

The Toys 'R Us BIG Christmas catalog arrived in today's paper. Apparently it's that time of the year again.

For the last 4 hours Mr. Little Man has been sitting very patiently thumbing through the catalog. He has taken particular interest in the video games.

Everytime we see a commercial for the Sony Wii Mr. Little Man plays along to whatever is going on on the screen. If the gamers are golfiing so is he, if they are playing tennis so is he, if they are jumping rope so is he; you get the point.

As far as hints go I would venture to say this a big one. My father has been wanting to buy him a Wii since this summer but there is still a huge part of me that thinks a 5 year old should be playing outside, not sitting in front of the TV playing video games.

Mr. Little Man does play commputer games...but only educational computer games that teaching spelling and math. He likes it. Does Wii have something like that? Am I over reacting and putting too much thought into this? I need advice. Shoot me an email and tell me what you think if you have both a Wii and a small child.

What I'm secretly hoping will happen: The producers of Heros will realize that Nichelle Nichols is tragically underused in their show. Wake up - this woman played Uhura!! She is sci fi royalty and all the geeks will tune in just to see her (and that crazy circa 1978 Farrah Fawcett hair you've got her rockin'). It's a fanboy's wet dream.
What I am listening to: Kendall Payne - I Will Show You Love. I heard it on a TV show last week, liked it, downloaded it.

New York Confidential

2007-10-16T11:53:00.000-04:00

Confidential to the man that accosted me on 7th Avenue in Manhattan on Saturday night: Initially I thought you were a little bit weird because you serenaded me; I knew you were an absolute psychopath when you threatened to burn me with a cigarette if I didn't give you my phone number. I believe you realized I was the nuttiest of all when I threatened to kick you in the nuts and light your sorry ass on fire if you didn't get the fuck away from me. Seriously, don't try to intimidate women you do not know. There are a lot of crazy people out there. And now you know I am one of them.

Confidential to the powers that be: I think it would be awesome if you would allow me to find my gray matte jersey cardigan. I have rockin' new boots and they'd match so beautifully together.

Confidential to Dillon Campbell: Thanks so much for inviting me to your show. I had a Gala and couldn't attend, but you're awesome, so I'll catch your next show.

Confidential to everyone at the conference: It is so nice to see everyone again. I love hanging out and laughing with you all, but you need to go home. I have gone out 4 nights in a row. I can not continue to live this rock and roll lifestyle. I miss my son, I miss sleep, I miss eating less that the guy who died of gluttony in the movie "Seven". The sooner you go home the sooner I can continue my quiet suburban life. And give my liver time to heal...before the next convention.

What I am reading: All my energy is focused on the conference. What little time I have left goes to Mr. Little Man. We still get to eat breakfast together and I still put him on the bus every morning, but for the last 4 days the nanny has made him his dinner and that makes me sad.
What I am listening to: Lots of accents. Those Scotsmen could honestly just come to my house and read me the phone book and I'd be happy.

I need Tim Gunn

2007-10-12T15:55:00.000-04:00

The industry I work in has an annual conference that attracts thousands of people from all over the world. Its actually a fun affair. This year (for the first time ever) the conference will be held in New York. Since this is our home territory we are playing host of several affairs. And I have NO idea what to wear.

I am able to dress myself for most occasions, but because we'll be going out and about with folks from several countries I am trying to conform and I have lost all sense of normality. The Europeans generally tend to overdress and the Asians arrived a week ago to shop the latest in what I will only describe as "denim couture"...and actual couture. The folks from South America just dress boldly.

My schedule:
Friday night - dinner in NYC
Saturday - dinner in NYC, followed by a Broadway show
Sunday - Football game, Gala convention kick off (black tie)
Monday - dinner in NYC
Tuesday - cocktail reception starting at 11. In the morning.

I'm not sure what is happening for the rest of the week because after 5 days of continual going out I will be bowing out of the festivities for sleep.

It is non stop action and I have considered so many outfits that I think my head is about to explode. I don't lack clothes; I've got lots to choose from (63 pairs of pants alone). I just don't know what to wear.

My biggest problem is the Gala. A week ago I narrowed my selection to 6 dresses (all hanging in my closet). Last night I sent pictures of the final 3 possibilities to the bitch posse and all of the dresses got an equal number of votes. (SIDEBAR: In a freakish twist of fate the strapless dress is actually the dress that shows the least amount of cleavage. Also, depending on water retention it may or may not make me look like a linebacker. I have tried in vain to find a way to hide my breasts, including, but not limited to, searching for a turtleneck dress, but that just makes things worse.)

I need to find Tim Gunn and he needs to dress me. I also have a little bit of a crush on him, but that is beside the point. MAKE IT WORK!

What I am reading: New shipping regulations to Africa. No, really.
What I am listening to: Stronger - Kanye West. The Gala will feature a band. I'm pretty sure the band won't perform any Kanye songs.

Who said anything about getting pregnant?

2007-10-10T16:37:00.000-04:00

In my never ending quest to find an answer to my hormonal problems my doctor sent me to get an ultrasound. Ultrasounds are usually a rather quick affair. The doctor just wanted to get a few pictures of my ovaries; nothing terribly exciting. She promised me it would be fast ("in and out in under 5 minutes") so I made the appointment to coincide with my lunch hour.

I've been seeing these doctors since I got pregnant. They delivered my son and everyone in the office is really nice and accommodating. Because I had a high risk pregnancy I had an ultrasound every month. The technician and I go way back and we've bonded. Afterall, she did take the first pictures of Mr. Little Man.

So, I get to my appointment and the tech and I make small talk and she commences with the 'sound. Five minutes pass. Ten minutes pass. Fifteen minutes pass. By the 20 minute mark I am staring to think that my doctor is a big fat liar; five minutes my ass. The technician is measuring everything and taking furious notes. I'm all kinds of confused because I've been thinking that things really should be going just a tad faster than they actually are. Things are completed at the 30 minute mark and then she launches into her spiel about things I can do to increase my chances of getting pregnant.

What I am thinking:
Thought #1 - Would it be rude of me to run from this room?
Thought #2 - Dude, I know all this. I took health. In high school.
Thought #3 - Wait a minute, why does she think I'm trying to get pregnant?

I finally ask her why she is giving me advice that will be completely lost on me.
Me: Ummmm, is there a specific reason that makes you think I'm trying to get pregnant?
Her: Your chart says you are.
Me: WHAT? WHY? I JUST NEED MY OVARIES MEASURED.
Her: Yes, because you are trying to get pregnant.
Me: No, I'm not.
Her: Let's get the doctor.
Me: I think thats a brilliant idea; lets.

It turns out she had the wrong file. No, really. I'm just glad I was there for an ultrasound and not, lets say, in vitro fertilization. Because that would have been awkward.

Now, the icing on the cake comes today. I go to Walgreen's to have my prescription filled. While I am there I pick up a few incidental things (toothbrushes, conditioner, nail polish). The cashier rings everything up and I head out the door with my bag and a smile.

When I get home I discover that something inadvertently made it into my bag that I did not purchase. That something was....wait for it....a pregnancy test.

Honestly? I'm beginning to feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.

What I am listening to: Ray Lamontagne - Shelter

Dude, I am old

2007-10-06T15:08:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling old lately. I'm not sure why, but before you say it let me just stop you by telling you it isn't because of CD. He is the one that is wise beyond his years and I am the immature child.

Because I love lists, here you go:

1. I had lunch with my boss today. After splitting a bottle of Pinot Noir (Coppola 1996) he ordered the port wine flight for each of us and I think I am tanked. This will also explain any / all grammatical & spelling errors in this entry.
2. Mr. Little Man has been accepted to a new program for autistic kids in our area. I just met with the director this morning to complete all the paperwork. The entire time he was speaking to me I could only think about how he couldn't possibly be old enough to grow facial hair. Seriously? I own shoes that are older than that kid.
3. I nap on the weekends. Sleep. During the day. Not because I stayed out late the day before, but because I am tired.
4. Premature ovarian failure
5. There are 6 children in Mr. Little Man's class. I am the oldest parent. I was 28 when I had him but apparently I am throwing off the curve.
6. I no longer remember what my natural hair color is (you know, other than the gray), because I haven't seen it in about 17 years.
7. Had I stayed married yesterday would have been my 11th wedding anniversary.

What I am reading: Entertainment Weekly. Kat got me a subscription a couple of months ago.
What I am listening to: Placebo - Running Up That Hill