Recent comments from the folks in my life

From my boss:

“Let me tell you where you should go to meet a man”

Please note this was UNSOLICITED ADVICE. I work in a small, tight knit office with few social barriers. That said I should note that I have neither asked for advice on where to meet a man nor expressed an interest in wanting to meet a man. What was he really trying to tell me?

At the make-up counter:

“You’d be such a pretty girl if only you would do something with those eyebrows”

I always buy my make-up from the same person. She is great but never fails to admonish me for not plucking. As long as I don’t have a unibrow, who cares?

From my mother:

“I wish I had your disposition when it comes to cleaning the house”

My mother is a germ-o-phobe who comes to my house with white gloves. Seriously. She thinks it’s horrible that I only dust once a week.

From my father:

“Ya gotta test drive the car before you buy it”

I started hearing this phrase from my father at the age of 16, and yes, he was advocating sex much earlier than I ever considered having sex. OK, not “much” earlier.

From my other boss:

“Your Tourret’s is acting up again”

It’s true – I often make the mistake of saying exactly what is on my mind without thinking about other people’s feelings. Fuck them! See, there I go again.

From the Big E:

“You should go ahead, spend the money and buy another Accord. After all, that car lasted you longer than any of your relationships and was much more dependable than any boyfriend you ever had”

This was what he said when I asked him what kind of car he thought I should buy.