The World's Laziest Functioning Alcoholic

Wednesday is recycling day in my neighborhood and this morning I found myself carrying not one, not two, but three (3!!) bags of empty bottles to the curb for pick-up by Mr. Recycle. Granted this was one of the best basketball weekends EVER with comebacks and overtime galore, but three bags? That is a little much even for me.

I knew I was in trouble when I was l was laying on the couch trying to decide whether or not to get up to get another drink or stay and watch TV. That is drunken laziness at its best ladies and gentleman.

In my defense March Madness only comes ‘round once a year and it’s almost over (Sangria season will being in June). And Marc, if you are reading this I need you know that, like you, I rarely ever drink alone.

Get a living will!

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I really wish Terri Schiavo would pass on soon. Everytime I turn on the television or the computer or open a newspaper I am exposed to Terri.

It annoys me that so many people feel like they have the right to impose their thoughts on a PRIVATE family matter. It annoys me that my government can't/won't take care of the shit on their to do list, but take time to discuss whether or not to stop "the killing of Terri" (REPUBLICANS: you can't have it both ways. How is the death penalty OK, but removing Terri's feeding tube not OK?).

Please let this be a lesson to you. Write a will, sign a DNR, buy some life insurance and above all else, inform your family of your wishes.

A Whole Bunch of Unrelated Stuff

1. On my way to work this morning Russell Simmons lectured me via the radio about financial responsibility. This wasn’t such a big deal, but the part that stuck with me was when he said that the bible had 2300 mentions of financial responsibility, 700 mentions of faith and 500 mentions of love. Can this be correct?
2. Damn you Snoop and Justin Timberlake – every time I hear your new song I want to shake my ass!
3. It almost looks like Alias is turning into a good show again. The show came completely off of the rails during Season 3, even by it’s own standards, but it looks like you are finally heading back to where you should be. Now if only we could get a little Irina Derevko and more of my Sark-a-licious honey we’d be back in business!
4. Like most of the women I know I consider myself very informed when it comes to STDs (or, in this case, HIV) and pregnancy prevention, etc. However, this story in Slate had me completely alarmed. Why have I never heard of this stuff before? More importantly, why isn’t this already on the market? Maybe if more women knew about the “good goop” we could push to get it out.
5. March Madness has arrived. The Sweet Sixteen has been set and I can’t wait! I generally have a hard time watching sport on television, but the madness match-ups are the exception.

Filling the void

So, you know how you have those days where you drag yourself into work doing your best impression of a refugee from the Betty Ford Clinic? You just can’t bring yourself to do any actual work related tasks and you tell yourself that your employer should just be happy you even bothered to show up. Yeah, I’m having one of those days. Things I have done today to fill the void:

1. Call my grandfather
2. Eat breakfast at my desk
3. Purchase books for my son from Amazon
4. Spend entirely too much time thinking about coffee (which I have started to refer to as the “sweet, sweet nectar of the gods”)
5. Online banking
6. Print pictures of my son for my parents
7. Design birthday party invitation
8. Make doctor appointment
9. Make dental appointment
10. Make grocery list
11. Book plane tickets for upcoming vacation
12. Searched for homes to purchase on the Internet
13. Read propaganda-free foreign news
14. Buy movie tickets to see Robots
15. Check for new Veronica Mars spoilers (I heart Veronica Mars, ya’ll and I want to find out who killed Lilly Kane and who drugged and raped Veronica….it’s sad, I know)

A not so passive aggresive rant

I am one of these people that generally doesn’t pay for things with cash. I honestly believe that the debit card is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. Every Monday morning I stop by the ATM and take out enough to pay for tolls and coffee for the week. Everything else I purchase goes on the debit card.

I don’t have a hard time keeping up with my receipts and I can always double check via online banking if necessary. That is why the following scenario irks the hell out of me:

I am standing in line at the grocery store having a lovely little conversation with the cute kid (who shall hereafter be known as the cute kid) that is bagging my groceries. The cashier (who shall hereafter be known as the old heifer) finishes ringing me up and gives me my total. I then proceed to swipe my debit card and enter my pin. The cute kid asks me a question, at which point I turn and answer her, but I see the cashier doing something to the debit key pad. Apparently, the old heifer didn’t appreciate me taking the time to answer the cute kid’s question and took it upon herself to complete my transaction (please note there was no one in line behind me). She decided that I didn’t need any money back and that the amount displayed on the keypad was the correct amount. Now, here is where I just about lost it. Old heifer, why would you do something like this? You had no idea whether or not I needed any cash back or even if I agreed with what the keypad displayed. Also, when I told you so you seemed annoyed that I’d said anything at all. If my bank statement comes back incorrectly I will be unbelievably annoyed.