Pimp my best friend

Last night JL mentioned to me that she was holding "open auditions" for a date for her company Christmas party. My mind immediately ran a mental picture of her sitting behind a desk interviewing men. Of course the line stretched through her office building and down the street. Picture below (she's cute, right?):



She sent me this list of requirements:
1. must meet height requirement - 5'10" or taller
2. must have job
3. must have own car
4. must not be annoying
5. must not be obnoxious
6. must not talk about how much money he makes, etc., to impress
7. must be fun
8. cannot be outright ugly
9. no missing limbs
10. good in bed (optional, as sex is not guaranteed)

SIDEBAR: Do you know any man (any man at all) that will tell you he sucks in bed?
Also, I am adding something:
11. must have pulse

Now, while conversing about these open auditions she made mention that she thinks that men find her desperate, but looking at the list of requirements I don't think so. I mean, she hasn't progressed to dating ugly, annoying, unemployed men without limbs. And it isn't like she doesn't have something to offer in return (she owns a business, a car and her own home). Plus, she is funny.

At this point in the entry I would ordinarily start to try to figure out why men and women are so different but i don't want to get all Sex and the City on you (I hated that show). And, in all reality, I don't know. No idea. At all. I want to know...it would help me tremendously in my personal life, but no one will tell me because I don't think anyone knows. Lets get back on track, shall we?

I would love to see her meet a nice, non-obnoxious member of the opposite sex and fall in love and get married. Hell, I'd love for any member of the the bitch posse to get married....not just me. I have been on dating hiatus for 5 years (except for Joe, but he doesn't count because that was more friendship than anything) and I'm still doing penance for past sins against Mr. Little Man's father.

First things first I guess - Lets Find a date for JL! So, ignoring her specifications and moving onto mine (the ability to fog up a mirror) I'm sure she'll have a date before the week is out.

What I am reading: The Zappos website. I do adore shoes, what can I say?
What I am listening to: Ella Fitgerald & Louis Armstrong - Stars Fell on Alabama