The Year in Review

2005 was one of the oddest years of my life. I say odd because so many good things happened to me and so many bad things happened. I have always known that those bad things would happen and I was as prepared as one can be for those things. I was so busy preparing for the events themselves that I totally forgot to think about the aftermath.

The bad:
I dealt with the death of 2 of my favorite people.

My half sister was driving her 2 children to soccer practice one morning when she had a heart attack and wrecked her car. The paramedics came and revived her, but she was already brain dead. After a couple of weeks her family decided to take her off of life support, but she continues to hang on only to have her children visit her in a nursing home for the rest of her life.

I waged war on my school district with regard to my son’s education and won a particularly ugly battle; although I do realize that this is only the beginning. I haven’t won the war. My son is only 3; this is merely the first battle.

The company I work for grew. We see so many of our competitors close their doors, so when you manage to not only avoid their fate, but grow a little as well you manage to breathe a huge sigh of relief.

The good:
My son is in a great school. The staff is very supportive and are willing to try anything. No matter how crazy my ideas are they attack them with gusto. I realize how lucky I am.

I didn’t loose any loved ones or property in any natural disasters. I realize how lucky I am.

I am not a millionaire, but I realize that I have a roof over my head, that we eat well and if my son wants or needs something I go to the store and buy it without having to check if it will fit into my budget. I realize how lucky I am.

There are people that love us and care about us and go out of their way to accommodate us. I realize how lucky I am.

In short, I guess 2005 is the year in which I grew up. I know I am not done. I looked at all of the things in my life that were weren’t quite right or didn’t fit and I made a conscience effort to change them. I stopped blaming myself and I stopped punishing myself for past mistakes and made the effort to fix certain situations. I know that not everyone I know is going to agree with my decisions but I finally got to the point where I realize that that is OK.

Beautiful New Furniture

My friend Danny is one of the most creative people I know. He is an amazing cook, an amazing gardener, an amazing photographer; Oh, I didn’t mention he also builds furniture?

Seriously ya’ll, check out the tables he made me for Christmas.

Soundtrack

Last night I was doing some work on the computer. It was pretty late and Mr. Little Man was already sleeping. Whenever I am doing any work I usually have music playing in the background. For some reason I was feeling particularly sentimental and I was reminded how certain music reminds of certain times of my life.....kind of like a soundtrack.

Cowboy Junkies, Depeche Mode and the Cure take me straight back to Junior High. I listened to a lot of U2 back then as well. I still listen to a lot of U2 and I always think of Tom Campbell when I hear “With or Without You”. I don’t know why, but it is safe to say I was a little moody in Junior High. Tom was a boy in my class who I had a huge crush on. He was Scottish and had a great accent and always listened to U2. Clearly, he was gay, because my feelings were not reciprocated.

Whenever I hear Salt and Pepa’s Blacks’ Magic or Snoop’s Doggy Style I always think of my first year in college. A friend of mine taped those 2 CDs for me so that I could listen to them on my way to college (back in those days nobody had CD players in their cars) I remember driving from NJ with the windows down, hair blowing in wind, listening to Snoop discuss the merits of both gin and unprotected sex.

Anything by Charlie Musselwhite, BB King, Jonny Lang or any other Blues artist reminds me of all of the great weekends I spent of Beale Strret when I was in college. Those were some of the best nights of my life. Great music, lots of dancing, cold beer. Everything you need in life.

Lauryn Hill’s Miseducation of Lauryn Hill ....God, That album takes me back to a weird time in my life. “Tell Him” and “Ex-Factor” both remind me of McDreamy because “Tell Him” always wanted me to admit my feelings and “Ex-Factor” explained every single feeling I ever had about us. When this CD came out, I listened to an interview with Wyclef Jean where he said that he and Lauryn Hill had that Tammy Terrell and Marvin Gaye kind of love. When things were good they were phenomenal and that they could speak without talking, but when things were bad they were “in the gutter” bad. He explained every feeling I had perfectly.

R. Kelly - Chocolate Factory. One of my favorite R & B albums of all time. Clearly even perverts can write amazing music. The album is a masterpiece; “Forever” reminds me of everything that could have been. I listened to this a lot when CT lived with me. It is a little unnerving having your brother sing these songs as loud as possible on your way home from the beach (just imagine Eddie Murphy singing Roxanne in Beverly Hills Cop. Its a lot like that)

Sheryl Crow’s “My Favorite Mistake” reminds me of every single man I’ve ever slept with. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Not because I regret sleeping with anyone, but in their own ways each of them was a good mistake.

John Mayer - Reminds me of cold crisp fall mornings when I take Mr. Little Man on hay rides or apple picking. We always listened to JM when we went on our fall expeditions.

James Taylor. James Taylor, Ella Fitzgerald and Miles Davis are - HANDS DOWN - my favorite musicians ever. Whenever I hear James Taylor’s “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight” I am instantly transported to 1998 when I slow danced in a church parking lot in South Carolina to that song. That was easily one of the most romantic moments of my life.

James Taylor also reminds me of cleaning out my grandparents house after they died. The rest of my family viewed it as a task that the needed to complete as soon as possible whereas I tried to hold on to everything I could because I felt like if I held on to their stuff I’d hold on to them. Sad, but true.

This list could go on forever, but I’ll leave it at that and not even attempt to tell the story of how TLC’s “Creep” reminds me of my stalker and why I was scared to take a shower when I was home alone.

CONFIDENTIAL TO THE GUE: I have started my diet and exercise program, but I desperately need to know why “Mr. Pib + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious”. I dislike both red vines and Mr. Pib, but is the combination so crazy delicious that I should throw caution to the wind, forget about diet and exercise and exist solely for these two things?

New Year's Resolution

Between Halloween and Thanksgiving of this year I accidentally lost 14 lbs. I say "accidentally" because I was not actively looking to loose any weight. I didn't diet or exercise….the weight just kind of disappeared. Between Thanksgiving and today I have gained 17 lbs.

I partially blame the many, many wedges of (sometimes baked) Brie I have eaten this holiday season. I also blame the constant flow of food into my office. People keep sending me dried meat and luscious chocolates and full fat cheeses (you KNOW I can't turn down the cheese). Not to mention my gingerbread latte habit; those things have to be packing serious fat/calories/carbs/all the other crap that is bad for me. In my culture it would be completely unheard of to send back food. You have to eat all of it by yourself. It's like a rule or something.

To top the whole thing off I "accidentally" (again, that word) caught a glimpse of my thighs in the mirror this morning and I actually shuddered. Seriously. They have never looked that bad before (OK, maybe when I was pregnant, but I had other things to worry about then and I was much to depressed to actively try to look at my thighs).

So, as much as I hate to admit it I am going to have to (for the first time in my life) make the New Years Resolution to loose the weight. I’m gonna have to cut down on the cheese and chocolate and do a little exercise.

Exercise isn’t that bad, right? Ya’ll, I may need a prayer or two.

Time to scale down

For Christmas I received the most luxuriously beautiful purse in the history of the universe. It is luscious suede the color of butter. Usually I carry a purse and a “bag” that carries all of the stuff I can’t fit in my purse. Essentially, I carry 2 purses. The new bag is big enough for everything.

I have had the bag for 4 days and already it feels like I’ve lived there forever. Ladies and gentleman, the contents of my purse:

1. 8 CDs: Air, Zero 7, Ivy, James Taylor’s Greatest Hits Vol. 2, 2 CDs with pictures and 2 blank
2. cell phone
3. 1 digital camera and 2 digital camera cases (please note that camera is not in either case)
4. 2 boxes of cookies that CV sent me from Japan
5. iPod
6. 1 tin of Altoids (sour apple)
7. 1 checkbook
8. random cables (I have no idea what they are for)
9. 1 flash drive (no idea what is on it…….possibly porn?)
10. 3 sets of keys
11. 4 lip liners (all the same color), 1 lipstick, 4 chapsticks, 1 Carmex and 1 lip glass. I don’t wear any of this and I have no idea why I carry it.
12. $4.87 in change……all hanging out in the bottom of the bag (Have I mentioned that I have only owned this bag for 4 days? Also, I suspect that the $4.87 may be all the money I have)
13. 1 wristlet (lets not even talk about what is hanging out in there)
14. 1 watch that needs to be taken to the jeweler for a new battery
15. 3 hair clips and 3 ouchless rubber bands
16. 1 envelope full of pictures of Mr. Little Man that I need to send to my parents.
17. 1 pair of glasses, 1 case for said glasses (please note glasses are not in case)
18. 1 framed picture of my mother with her siblings and father circa 1961

This list establishes that I did not, in fact, need a new super luscious big ass suede bag. I needed to get rid of all of the crap that I do not use on a daily basis and maybe put a few pens in there since I never have anything to write with.

Christmas Past

CT is almost 8 years younger than I am and we essentially hated each other while I was growing up. They only thing that we ever had in common was that neither of us could wait until Christmas. Every year we would band together and search the house for our presents. Once my parents caught on they would shop and wrap on the same day. CT & I just viewed this as a challenge and as the years went on we just perfected ways to unwrap and re-wrap gifts without my parents knowing. We’ve tried steaming (only works with certain kind of paper), blow drying (sometimes melts the tape) and our all time favorite: a knife (you just slit the tape and use glue to hide your tracks.....WORKS EVERY TIME).

Clearly, we are impatient, ungrateful and a couple of years without gifts would not have killed us.

How to leave a party

I have been feeling a little bit anti-Christmas this year and I thought that by going to my company Christmas party I'd feel a little better. I went. I felt better. The party was a lot of fun. It is so rare for any of my colleagues to get together at a social event.

The bigger picture always reminds me that for the most part we spend more time with each other than we do with our children, spouses, significant others or parents. We are a tight knit group and for the most part we get along. This is where the story gets interesting.

We have had our party at the same locale for the last 4 years. We order dinner and sometime around midnight the restaurant turns into a nightclub. We all (spouses and significant others included) had a great dinner, we mingled, we told stories. After the meal the chef brought out a suckling pig for us to eat (Seriously, AFTER dinner....WHY? You would think that a pig would be a part of the meal, however, clearly he had intended the pig to be dessert).



I left shortly before midnight because I saw the waitress bring out trays of shots. Shots are always my cue to leave a party, because I know my colleagues and that is a sure sign of the evening descending into a rather ugly abyss. True to form, this evening was no exception.

A member of our party got into what "everyone" agrees was a rather small disagreement with a bouncer. Another member of our staff tried to find out what the problem was by asking what he could do to help and somehow he was shoved onto the dance floor and stepped on. Upon seeing this everyone else decides to rush to his aid and, of course, fisticuffs ensue (On a completely unrelated note; how much do I love the word "fisticuffs"?). The police come, break up the fight, arrest some other bar patrons, etc. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY ONE MUST LEAVE A PARTY AS SOON AS THE SHOTS ARRIVE AT THE TABLE....you get to miss all of the excitement and avoid a lovely trip to the local holding cell. I am much too pretty to go to jail, not to mention my disdain for community soap.

Thank you

Thank you to whomever rather generously, although totally anonymously, just sent me the House DVD box set. Amazon did not include an order slip, but the box does have my name on it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Wicked

Joe and I went to the city (that would be New York City for the folks that do not live in the NY tri-state area. Around here we just call NYC “the city”) for dinner on Saturday night. On the way home we were talking about how gorgeous the city is at night and how much we love it there. I suspect I may have slightly annoyed him a little by constantly asking, “Why are all these 12 year old girls hanging out on street corners at 1 am drinking venti lattes? Where are their parents? Who lets their child do this? Have they never heard of child rapists? Without flinching he responded, “Like you never told your parents you were spending the night at a friends house and in reality gone somewhere that they would never have let you go”. (clearly the previous paragraph has some grammatical errors, I’m just too tired give a crap at the moment).

Anyway, as a result of seeing all the pretty lights we decided to see a Broadway show. Before I had Mr. Little Man I went as often as I could afford to go. Slowly but surely I have started taking MLM to see children’s show, but its time for me to go back to living in the adult world. We’ve settled on seeing Wicked. I had forgotten how long the wait is to get tickets to see these shows. Yes, there are several places that I could go to get last minute tickets, but everything I do has to be planned well in advance. Last minute “maybe” tickets are too sketchy for me to even attempt.

In five (5!!) short months Joe and I will be heading to Broadway to see Wicked for my 31^st birthday. Five months is a long time and I can not help but think of all of the things that could happen in 5 months. I don’t want to be all blatant and say that my commitment issues are rearing their ugly head, but damn, let’s be honest here.

Bah Humbug!

Last weekend I noticed that all of my neighbors had decorated their homes for Christmas. Usually I am the first person in the neighborhood to do this, but this year I just can’t make myself get into the spirit of the season. AT all. I am simply not ready for it to be Christmas yet.

In the past I have lived and breathed Christmas. I am the kind of gal that will drape garland over any inanimate object in the house. I have an 8 foot tree that stays up from mid November to January 6. I am ANAL about this, but this year NOTHING.

I just feel like it is a little too early. I finished my shopping about 6 weeks ago and most of the goods have been wrapped and even sent to their destination. Hell, I haven’t even made any cookies.

We are celebrating Christmas “the German way”, which is to say that tomorrow we will celebrate St. Nicholas Day and open some gifts (if you have not read David Sedaris account of Dutch Christmas, titled “Six to Eight Black Men”, you need to. This is pretty much exactly what we do. Plus, it’s a very funny story and I am secretly in love with David Sedaris. Even though he is openly gay. I have a soft spot in my heart for “adorkable” guys.) Christmas is much more of a religious holiday where you would go to church and exchange gifts with your family. December 6^th is specifically reserved for St. Nick.

This weekend Santa will visit Mr. Little Man’s swim and gym class, my company throws its annual Christmas party and we (Mr. LM & I) are going to see Slava’s Snowshow. The following weekend we are going to see the Christmas Spectacular. Maybe that will help.

For Pete's Sake, SHAVE!!

I've been kind of busy the last couple of weeks between getting ready for Thanksgiving and getting Mr. Little Man started on a couple of new activities and a sudden influx of difficult translations at my day job. I haven't had alot of "me" time.

Imagine my surprise when I sat down last night to watch the last 3 episodes of C.S.I.

GEORGE EADS - Please get rid of the porn mustache. You look HORRIBLE. You are a good looking man, but please, this is too much for even me to ignore.

I like facial hair more than most women but every time you were on screen I completely lost track of what was going on because I was too busy focusing in on the 'stache and wondering what ungodly presence possessed you into thinking that you needed to look like a circa 1970 porn star.