Next Stop: VD!

Valentine's Day (hereafter referred to as VD) is just around the corner. I know this because every time I set foot into any retail establishment I am virtually slapped in the face by flowers and hearts and candy and all that other happy crap. I've also noticed that there seem to be more jewelry and flower commercials on television (the marketing on VD is OUT OF CONTROL).

I am suddenly compelled to help men make sense of the maze that is VD. Here goes, gentlemen.

1. It is a common misconception that when you buy something for your significant other (this is a general rule for the first 5 or so years of your relationship or until you get married) that you are buying it for your significant other. I know that line made no sense, but let me explain. You don't have to impress her friends. Or her family. Yes, I realize how stupid I sound, but it is totally true. Sometimes you think you have to impress her family and friends; sometimes she wants you to. Don't do either.

2. Romantic restaraunts and expensive gifts are nice, but you do not have to spend alot (or, any, for that matter) of money to make most women happy. Anybody with money can buy jewelry, but out of the box ideas usually impress us more than anything. For example, you could cook her a meal. This is extremely effective if you don't generally cook.(I am going to paraphrase Robert Rodriguez here: You have to eat for the rest of your life so you might as well eat well. Learn to cook 4 or 5 different meals really well because not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck)

3. If your significant other is on a diet DO NOT buy her chocolate. It isn't worth the arguement.

What I am reading: Special Topics in Calamity Physics
What I am listening to: James Morrison - One Last Chance.