The Subpoena

Last night I got a call from my landlady telling me that there "is a man downstairs that wants to serve you court papers".

A brief dip into my memory banks confirmed that as far as I knew I had not committed, or been privy to, any crime. So my options were to walk downstairs and actually get the subpoena or right away jump to conclusions about the nature of the subpoena. I did both. Simultaneously.

My staircase consists of 15 steps. Here is how the thought process unfolded (Do I love making a list or what?):

The first 3 steps:
"OH HELL MOTHERFUCKING NO!!! I KNOW MR. LITTLE MAN'S FATHER IS NOT EVEN TRYING TO GET CUSTODY." (Sidebar - When I first gave birth I was really worried that eventually we'd go to court over custody; that his father would decided that he did want him. That feeling went away after the first year when I told my mother that I had come to the conclusion that the only way I was going to loose him is if I injected crack in front of a judge. My mother took that opportunity to explain to me that crack is smoked, not injected.) If he wanted to see Mr. Little Man, he'd send me an email, not go through the drama of hiring a lawyer and getting the court involved. He knows I want him to get involved, but I am not giving up custody.
At this stage I realized the following:
A. I don't have to worry about that because he doesn't want to see Mr. Little Man.
B. He's a Jackass.


Step 4:
"Based solely on principle I'm now gonna have to drive to his house stab him in the eye with a fork." Then I remembered that I don't really care, however, for old times sake I took a moment and hoped that he'd get a venereal disease and that his dick would fall off.

Step 5-8:
"Am I out on bail and so in denial that I have pushed it to the furthest recesses of my mind?" No, seriously, I did wonder.

Step 9-10:
"The school district is going to hit me with a pre-emptive strike." Mr. Little Man's placement at his out of district school is being re-evaluated and I have let it be known that we will go to court if he is put in an in district school.

Step 11-14:
Came to the conclusion that this is all a part of an elaborate prank set up by my friend Anthony.

Step 15:
"Is it too late to go back upstairs and sneak out of the back door?" Neither an Anthony prank nor an actual subpoena were sounding very welcoming at that point.

It turns out that I am being subpoenaed (that word is spelled correctly; I checked) as witness in a personal injury case. Damn ambulance chasers.

What I am reading: The weather report....a blizzard is brewing.
What I am listening to: Landslide - Fleetwood Mac. Keith came for the weekend a while ago and I imported his entire Fleetwood Mac collection into my iTunes.