Who said anything about getting pregnant?

In my never ending quest to find an answer to my hormonal problems my doctor sent me to get an ultrasound. Ultrasounds are usually a rather quick affair. The doctor just wanted to get a few pictures of my ovaries; nothing terribly exciting. She promised me it would be fast ("in and out in under 5 minutes") so I made the appointment to coincide with my lunch hour.

I've been seeing these doctors since I got pregnant. They delivered my son and everyone in the office is really nice and accommodating. Because I had a high risk pregnancy I had an ultrasound every month. The technician and I go way back and we've bonded. Afterall, she did take the first pictures of Mr. Little Man.

So, I get to my appointment and the tech and I make small talk and she commences with the 'sound. Five minutes pass. Ten minutes pass. Fifteen minutes pass. By the 20 minute mark I am staring to think that my doctor is a big fat liar; five minutes my ass. The technician is measuring everything and taking furious notes. I'm all kinds of confused because I've been thinking that things really should be going just a tad faster than they actually are. Things are completed at the 30 minute mark and then she launches into her spiel about things I can do to increase my chances of getting pregnant.

What I am thinking:
Thought #1 - Would it be rude of me to run from this room?
Thought #2 - Dude, I know all this. I took health. In high school.
Thought #3 - Wait a minute, why does she think I'm trying to get pregnant?

I finally ask her why she is giving me advice that will be completely lost on me.
Me: Ummmm, is there a specific reason that makes you think I'm trying to get pregnant?
Her: Your chart says you are.
Me: WHAT? WHY? I JUST NEED MY OVARIES MEASURED.
Her: Yes, because you are trying to get pregnant.
Me: No, I'm not.
Her: Let's get the doctor.
Me: I think thats a brilliant idea; lets.

It turns out she had the wrong file. No, really. I'm just glad I was there for an ultrasound and not, lets say, in vitro fertilization. Because that would have been awkward.

Now, the icing on the cake comes today. I go to Walgreen's to have my prescription filled. While I am there I pick up a few incidental things (toothbrushes, conditioner, nail polish). The cashier rings everything up and I head out the door with my bag and a smile.

When I get home I discover that something inadvertently made it into my bag that I did not purchase. That something was....wait for it....a pregnancy test.

Honestly? I'm beginning to feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.


What I am listening to: Ray Lamontagne - Shelter