Retro Video of the Week (or in my case, weak)

The Chuck Heston Plague-a-thon continues at my house. I am sick. Again.

Thankfully, whenever I hear this song it puts me in a good mood:

Craig's List: Who's Who of Mental Illness

A play, in 3 parts (alternate title: Flaky. I suppose if I wanted to name it something more creative we could also go with I hate Craig's List with enough fury to burn 10,000 suns).

Part 1, December 2007: The Gue calls me to ask if I'd like to go see The National with him on February 8, 2007. I check my calender; I have no plans and heartily agree to attend.

Part 2, January 2008: The Gue calls to tell me that he made a mistake. The concert is in fact on February 22, not February 8. Do I still want to go? I check my schedule, things aren't looking good so I flake. Shortly thereafter The Gue flakes as well (mainly because he knows that seeing The National in concert without me will be no fun. It's a lot like riding in first class; once you've been there coach class is unacceptable).

But what to do with the tickets? The show is now sold out and people have suddenly discovered what we've known for years: The National are awesome. Tickets are in high demand.

Part 3, February 2008: The Gue advertises them on Craig's List. He gets a good response and finds a buyer that is willing to pay substantially more than face value. The Gue lives in Philly, I live outside of NYC, so he mails me the tickets and I agree to make the exchange on his behalf. The buyer is flaky and can not agree to a time, a date or even a meeting location. I'm not the most patient of people so after a week (that patience thing may have been a joke) I decide to re-list them on Craig's List. Granted I just wanted to get rid of the tickets and didn't put too much thought into my ad, which reads as follows:

2 tickets to see The National on February 22, 2008 at 8 pm at the Howard Gilman Opera House in Brooklyn

Mezzanine Level Row L

BEST OFFER

You must pick these tickets up in New Jersey. You must bring cash. And yes, I will meet you in a brightly lit area to make the exchange.

I get responses from 12 people asking if the tickets are still available. 9 of these people ask me if the seats are orchestra (read the ad). 5 of the these people ask me when the show is (dude, read the ad). 3 of these people ask me where the show is (dude, read the fucking ad). NONE of the people are able to commit to a price. Or a time to meet to exchange money for tickets. A combination of all these factore leads me to believe that Craig's List attracts the Who's Who if Mental Illness. Well, that or illiterate. Or people that can't comprehend simple statements.

The Gue is willing to just write the whole thing off because by now both of us are exasperated. We're tired of Craig's List. And the people that frequent Craig's List. I abhorr the thought of letting the tickets go to waste and keep trying to nudge The Gue into biting the bullet and just going to see the damn show.

This morning I get up to find 6" of snow on my doorstep and more on it's way. This is all just a very nice way of saying that we will not be heading to Brooklyn to see The National.

See you in hell Craig's List.

Have I ever told you about my obsession with the Fibonacci sequence?

I am a geek. I have said it before. When I was a kid I looked for patterns in everything. My mother was always into arts and crafts and she tried to get me involved but most of my projects ended up looking like geometric puzzles.

I'm good at math and science. I'm analytical. I still look for patterns in everything. Do you remember the TV show Alias? It is solely responsible for me looking for prime numbers in anything for 2 whole years. In high school it was square roots. Right now I have a slight obsession with the Fibonacci sequence.

And when I see cartoon such as this I feel VALIDATED:


The fact that this cartoon exists proves that there are others like me out there and it makes me feel good to know I'm not the only freak.

What I am listening to: Vampire Weekend - A-Punk
Current shoe obsession:

Retro Video of the Week

I defy you to not like The Beastie Boys.



I'm not sure how anything from 1994 classifies as retro, but just go with it.

Also, I did say that I was not cut out to watch reality television. Let's clarify that because I do watch Project Runway. And this is the biggest reason why:



Please note that I will not be responsible for the 9 minutes and 37 seconds of your life that you will never get back.

Just another day at the sweatshop

Today is President's Day and most of you are enjoying a leisurely day hanging out at home. I am enjoying a leisurely day in the sweatshop where I am seriously questioning all the choices that brought me here (in general; let's not limit it to today).

Anyway I do what everyone else in my position does at a time like this; surf the web. I have discovered what is quite possibly the best website ever: DICKIPEDIA

It's how I've been able to entertain myself here all morning. Well, that and copious amounts of emailing with The Gue who says:

Hmmm...grading, or read all the entries in "Dickipedia"? You decide.

You are not helping me out at all. I wish you had a real job, with real work and the like. From what i gather, this is what your job entails:

1. Surfing the internet
2. Bringing a "Reign of Terror" upon your office
3. Abusing your boss into giving you more money for I-have-no-idea what
4. Drinking, oops, I mean "entertaining" clients on the weekend, then complaining about drinking for free
5. Flirting with boys much younger than you, and giving them nicknames
6. Writing in your blog about said flirting and discoveries on the internet
7. E-mailing me 20 times a day

Ummm, yeah, I think he's got it right.

Ace of Cakes and other TV news.

Occasionally I enjoy an episode of Ace of Cakes on the Food Network. I like the show; I think they make amazing cakes. Some of them are engineering marvels. They make planes! Out of cake! With airbrushed clouds! They made Hogwarts Castle! And drove it across the country! I am always amazed at what they can pull together. And now for the good part.

Would I ever eat one of their creations? Hell the fuck no. And let me tell you why:

1. Fondant. On everything. Fondant is essentially a mixture of sugar and water. It's super sweet and super disgusting and eating any amount of fondant will fast track you straight to diabetes land. No one wants that.
2. Germs. Whenever anyone that is decorating a cake on this show they breathe ALL OVER the cake. Whilst they narrate what they're doing. I can't stand it because my mind starts to work overtime and I start thinking about germs. And what they've done with their mouth in the last 24 hours. And why on God's green Earth are they spitting and breathing all over the cake.
3. More germs. The people working on these cakes will scratch their nose and then touch the cake. Then they'll run their fingers through their hair and then touch the cake. Dude, they're called rubber gloves. You guys should look into it.
4. If you bake a cake on Tuesday and it takes you all week to decorate it is it still edible by Saturday.....shouldn't it be stale? And gross?

Honestly, you folks have no idea how much time I spend thinking about cake.


In other news the Writer's Strike is over and I couldn't be happier about it. As discussed above I was just not meant to watch any reality TV. I realize I'll have to wait for fall for new episodes but finally, there'll be more Gossip Girl! JL turned me onto it and yes, it's a guilty pleasure. I need to see the queen of colored tights (that would be Blair Waldorf) exact her revenge on everyone and I need to see Chuck Bass worship at her feet. However, secretly all I really need to know is when is that damn Serena van der Woodsen going to start endorsing hair care products because seriously ya'll, both she and her hair are so very pretty.

What I am listening to: Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone
Current shoe obsession:

I think I may have to buy them for myself for Valentine's Day.

Doing Battle

For the last couple of months I've been lackadaisical about things that I should have paid a bit more attention to. I'm not sure why I didn't, but I just kind of got into a phase of denial and didn't want to deal with them. This is so unlike me but I became complacent and now I have problems to deal with.

Things just kind of built up to the point where they couldn't be ignored any longer and they were weighing heavy on my shoulders. Which I dutifully ignored while I plunged into an even deeper river of denial.

I am putting everyone on notice: I AM READY TO DO BATTLE.

I woke up this morning and apparently had a revelation over coffee and pancakes. I am letting people walk all over me. And I'm not fighting back. And I can't believe it's come to this. So, I am going to revert back to my old "get things done" persona so that I don't have to spend 3 more months avoiding my issues.

There are things that I've needed to do that I just haven't felt like dealing with: I need to make some adjustments to my 401K, I need to evict some tenants that haven't paid rent in 6 months, I need to do battle with my taxes, I need to seriously consider sending Mr. Little Man back to daycare and I need to de-clutter my house. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The short list of folks / entities that should probably avoid me in the coming days:
my child (if he doesn't clean his room), my boss, my brother, my tenants, the taxman (but only because I am feeling defensive) and the manufacturer of my vehicle.


What I am reading: According to the Boston Globe women think Eli Manning will look better in HD than Tom Brady. Seriously, who thought this was important information to know?
What I am listening to: OneRepublic - Come Home