The Condensed Version

Many, many, many moons ago I met the love of my life. And it scared the living shit out of me, so, of course, as I am wont to do in those situations I completely ruined everything and left him. For the sake of this story let us call him McDreamy.

At that time I knew I was making a huge mistake but I did it anyway because I always took for granted that sometime in the future we would be able to just pick up where we left off. And by "sometime" I mean when I had completed working through all of my issues and became comfortable in my own skin. In my completely screwed up mind it made total sense to me that McDreamy would never love anyone as much as he loved me and would wait for me until the end of time. Clearly that isn't happening.

This morning I had my first encounter with McDreamy in almost 4 years. Damn, I have known this man for almost half of my life and it finally hit home today that the damage I did can not be undone. That as much as I want to fix the situation I can't do it alone; he has to be on board. He clearly is not. The funny thing is that it isn't even about getting back together at this point. More than anything I just want him to be a part of my life because of all of the good things that came along with him being a part of my life.

Can I blame him? No. If I were in his shoes would I do the same thing? Probably. Do I think I will ever get over my past mistakes? No. Do I think that this pain is justice? I think that I am getting back what I dished out tenfold. Karma will always come back around.