Resolution (or "How to Stop Being an ASS")

In general I hate the idea of New Year's Resolutions. You can make a resolution anytime but people constantly procrastinate until the new year. It all strikes me as kind of backward.....you want to make a change in your life, but not right now....you'll do it at the new year.

Guess what I do every year? Make a resolution. Last year I resolved to (finally)loose the pregnancy weight (I promptly gained it all back this Christmas season).

This year will be a challenge. The last few months have been really stressful for me. I've noticed that when I am stressed or frustrated I have the incredibly nasty habit of lashing out towards whoever is around at that moment and taking my anger out on them. Actually, I am really good at doing this via email as well....the person on the receiving end doesn't necessarily have to be in my presence. I can be incredibly mean (sometimes even cruel). Its not fair to the other person and most often its unwarranted. I usually cool down after about 5 minutes so the idea is to learn to take a breather and then talk (or type). I don't even think about what I am doing; it's just a knee jerk reaction.

The biggest problem is that the people around me (my friends, family, bosses) know that this is SOP for me and they deal with it. For them its pretty much the cost of being around me. It's not a good thing that they accept it. Never once has someone told me to pipe down and stop being an asshole. Which always strikes me as being wierd because if I was on the receiving end of one of my freakouts I'd be all, "Bitch, please. Don't say another fucking word to me until you calm down and can treat me with some respect. Now apologize."

So, maybe we should make this resolution together. If I start yelling at you or I send you a nasty email, don't ignore me. Tell me to stop being an ass. Tell me to calm down. Tell me how you feel. What ever you do don't let me get away with it because people have been doing that for years and I don't want to skate any more.

What I am reading: The Travelocity website. Theoretically we were supposed to be on vacation last week, but we had to cancel. We had to stay home an interview nannies. My office was also incredibly busy so I had to go in and Mr. Little Man had to tag along. It was a challenge. I have resolved to go on at least 1 golf vacation with Jules this year. A long weekend in a tropical location where I walk around a golf course overlooking an ocean or sea. Yep, that sounds about right.
What I am listening to: James Taylor - Her Town. He is, hands down, one of my favorites.

Transcripts, Pt. 5

Also known as "Sometimes it's better if your friends don't read your blog".

With JL, via e-mail:

JL: OK - seriously.
You have a YEAR to go on ONE DATE?
That is ridiculous.
I have changed the time frame to 2 months. Please update the bitch posse.
You need to get laid. I need to live vicariously through you.
Me: OMG, I would DIE (abslutely DIE!!!) if anyone tried to touch me in that way.
JL: me too. only i would die in a good way.

I Think I Have Just Been the Victim of an Intervention

I was having Christmas breakfast when I was accosted (honestly, there is no other word) with the question, "When are you gonna start to date again"?

There is a fair amount of talk amongst the bitch posse about what exactly makes me shun (their word) men. Ordinarily this wouldn't faze me, but these people know how to get to me. They have thrown down the gauntlet in the form of a challenge. I am naturally a competitive person so I can't back down. It all has me feeling like I am on the receiving end of a very well thought out plan.

The challenge is for me to go OUT (in public), give a man my number and go on at least 1 date with him. Now, I will completely admit that I agreed to this whilst drinking champagne so there is a slight chance that my initial judgement was clouded. I mean, I have no idea where men hang out. A sports bar? I seem to meet an awful lot of men in the grocery store....but I think the point here is to leave my comfort zone. On the other hand, I have been given a year to complete my little project so I have some time to figure it out.

I was relaying this story to my friend Ala (she of the "I'm an engineer, I don't do math" fame) who then asks me why I continually dwell on what a relationship will take from my life versus what it can add. Ummmm, do I do that? This entire time I've just been thinking that I don't have time for another person in my life. And I wanted to fix some things that were, for lack of a better word, wrong with me. In the end I just realized that I was happier alone. And significantly more focused and productive.

But, I think I am going to give it an earnest try. Re-evaluate my stance on dating....perhaps go on a couple of dates......maybe with different people. The girls have never steered me wrong before.

What I am reading: I am in between books right now, but I received "The Known World" as a Christmas gift. I'll be luxuriating with that this week.
What I am listening to: Toni Braxton - Take This Ring.

The Music Post

The top 10 albums in 2006, according to me. After reading and re-reading this I have come to the conclusion that I am not, nor will ever be, a music critic.

It took me almost 2 weeks to compile a list that I was happy with. I keep shifting things around and I had about 20 honorable mentions, but I think that this is a list I argue about.

In no particular order:
1. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat. I must have listened to this CD a million times. The Watson Twins really balance her out and the songs are so heartfelt and well written. I loved Rilo Kiley but I think she's almost better on her own (also, speaking of RK...I was completely disappointed by The Elected).
2. Ghostface Killah - Fishscale. First off, this man is a really good story teller. The best thing about his rhymes is that his attitude comes across. On "Back Like That" you can hear how hurt and annoyed and pissed off and betrayed he feels when he talks about how his girlfriend cheated on him (and with whom), despite the fact that he cheated on her first. Every single song sounds different and that is a good thing.
3. Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds. God, I don't want to include this CD, but here it is. Timberlake (with Timbaland) is just so damn good; I hate to love him, but I sing and dance right along everytime I hear anything by him. He kills it and brings it back to life. Fucker has me doing choreography in my mind.
4. Lupe Fiasco - Food and Liquor. Lupe is like hip-hop lite. His analogies are brilliant and he proves that you don't have to push drugs (or hos) to be a great rapper. Plus, there's dancing.
5. The Decemberists - The Crane Wife. First off, there is the fued with Stephen Colbert. Second off, their lyrics are great (very old school....like 1800s). Third, they are consistent, despite the fact that some of the songs are like 12 minutes long.
6. Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. I can't think of anyone else that sounds remotely like Neko. "Star Witness" is one of my favorite songs of the year. It's country, but not. It's rock, but not.
7. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black. Damn. This CD is listed because at her age she is writing and singing about things that most people her age know nothing about. "Love is a Loosing Game" should be sung by someone much, much older, but she pulls it off believably and beautifully. She sings jazz/funk/soul fusion better than anyone and I can't wait to see what she is gonna do next.
8. Mew - And The Glass Handed Kites. Obscure Danish Band who occasionally sing songs in Japanese. Ummmm, yeah. Also? AWESOME.
9. Cat Power - The Greatest. A recovery from alcoholism and recording with Al Green's Band (You have no idea how much I love Al Green) made this an immensly enjoyable album. I had never heard anything from her before, but now I just want more. And let's just be honest for a second here: if the Reverend Al blesses you with his band then you know its gonna be good.
10. Robin Thicke - The Evolution of Robin Thicke. This CD was a gift, so I wasn't really expecting too much. I have a friend who would refer to this album as "baby making music", which is pretty much what it is. If Robin manages to keep up with his evolution he may one day be as good as Luther.


Honorable Mentions
1. Kate Havnevik - Melankton
2. We are Scientists - With Love and Squalor
3. Amos Lee - Supply and Demand
4. Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit (disclaimer: I love all things Scottish. Except Haggis.)
5. Sia - Colour the Small One

Happy Chrismukkah

We all know about the St. Nicholas Day Debacle during which Mr. Little Man opened all his gifts. The thing about that is that if you are Mr. Little Man and you relay this little fact to your grandparents, in a short matter of time a whole new slew of gifts will appear at the front door. Just like magic!

The gifts will also come with instructions that you may open 1 gift each day until Christmas, leading us to refer to the season as Chrismukkah (We have been opening gifts for 10 days, which is a wee bit longer that the Hannukah season, but go with it).

I'd always planned that my parents gift to Mr. Little Man would be from them and that I would buy gifts from "Santa". It has become clear that Santa can NOT compete with Omi and Grandpa. It can not be done. Just can't. Those folks are out of control.

In other news, Mr. Little Man has been asked to leave his second daycare in 2
months. As one can imagine this can be a wee bit stressful so now I am looking into hiring a nanny. I absolutely hate the idea of a nanny, but we are going to try to make it work.

I am trying to compile a list of interview questions and that isn't going so well. Its very wierd to think that there will be a complete stranger in my house taking care of my child. Despite the fact that I broadcast my business to the Internet I am (in some regards) a private person. I've lived with people who didn't know I dyed my hair, have 4 half sisters or speak more than 1 language.

What I am reading: Craigslist. Craigslist is like the who's who of freaks (shut up, I love The Best of Craig). I once read an ad there written by 2 fashion designers that were looking for a model. There were explicit in advising that although they were gay they were only "occassionally" together. They essentially wanted a model that was a size 12 who they could "spoil". I am not sure what that meant, but I thought about it for months.
What I am listening to: Zero7 - The Garden. I know I have mentioned my love for Zero7 before, but this album is weak at times. I miss Sophie Barker (The Christine McVey to Sia's Stevie Nicks) and Tina Dico. Also, Jose Gonzalez is the poor man's Mozez. Gonzalez is great as a folk singer, but he needs more soul to pull off some of these songs and he just doesn't have it.

Christmas with the Family

OK, first, the picture:



I am not sure exactly when this picture was taken but I suspect that it was either 1977, 1978 or 1979. Notice how I am not looking particularly thrilled? That is the story of my childhood, folks.

Other things to notice:
1. The tree........I have no explanation for the Stars of David. My mother was probably trying to show solidarity with opressed peoples. She spent a large part of the 70s wearing a dashiki and a headwrap, so that is the most likely explanation.
2. Again, look at the tree. Yes, those are real candles. On a tree that is probably drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Clinic. My parents do not fear a fire hazard.
3. My stumpy legs. I've still got those. On the other hand, my clothes do match so I should at least be happy about that.

All in all though, it is one of the only pictures that I have of me AND both of my parents, which is why, despite all of the above, I love it.

What I am reading: Wikipedia!
What I am listening to: Neko Case - Star Witness

Fiend

I drink alot of coffee. Too much coffee in fact....2 to 3 pots a day. Most folks I know think, "I'm thirsty, I'll have a glass of water". My thought process is more along the lines of "I'm really thirsty; I think I'll have the iced coffee instead of a latte". Everything in my life is regimented and coffee is no exception.


My coffee machine is on a timer and as soon as I wake up the scent of coffee wafting from the kitchen beckons me. The first thing I do is pour myself a cup and head for the shower (yeah, the coffee tags along). Not a small cup, but a big ass cup.

I pour my second cup before I get dressed and my third as I mentally prepare myself to do battle with my child about his wardrobe. Lately I've noticed that I've been drinking my coffee quicker than usual...or so I thought until I discovered that I've been getting some help. Mr. Little Man is sipping right along. I didn't even know he liked coffee. And initially I didn't even suspect him because he doesn't usually ingest anything warm. I started keeping a closer eye on my cup because he is just way too young to drink coffee (he does not agree). I've also tried to placate him by giving him milk with the tiniest bit of coffee, but he isn't buying that in the least. He still tries to sneak and when that doesn't work he tries to bargain (which never works because what he offers is stuff that he is supposed to do regardless of whether or not he gets anything in return). He is exhibiting every possible sign of a coffee fiend.

This morning at Dunkin' Donuts he tried to steal (GRAB AND RUN) the coffee of the gentleman in line ahead of us. This is just one of those times where you try to explain things but strangers are already looking at you like you have 2 heads (its a look I know all too well).

What I am reading: Nothing, I am writing a blog entry about my favorite music released in 2006.
What I am listening to: Belle & Sebastian - to Be Myself Completely

College What? Jigga Who?

A couple of years ago I was all about the NBA. I knew nothing about college basketball and more importantly I didn't want to. Nothing exciting was going on there. Then I noticed that my beloved NBA took an ugly downturn. There was too much auxillary stuff happening with the players that wouldn't let me focus on the game. I was distracted by all the new ink, bad press, bling and the side careers as rappers (albeit, really bad rappers). I completely lost interest and switched to college ball, where I rediscovered my love of the sport. These kids were playing with so much heart and it amplified my annoyance at the NBA.

I am not sure what happened to make the tide turn again, but I have absolutely no idea what is happening with college ball right now. None. I don't know who the players are, I don't know team standings. Honestly folks, I got nothing. And I'm back in love with the NBA. I am following the sport like a maniac, which is why I have decided that once I win the lottery I will buy season tickets (in addition to, of course, to my beautiful Philadelphia apartment).

Not just regular season tickets. No folks, FLOOR SEATS. Perhaps next to Jay-Z and Beyonce...where I will:

A.) "Throw the diamond up one time" (While Keith sits next to me and sings the chorus to "99 Problems").
B.) Check out Beyonce's weave up close and personal because, honestly, her hair always looks great.

On second thought, maybe I should just stay home and watch the game.

What I am reading: 97 emails (received in the last 12 hours) from folks discussing the NJ Department of Education hearings.
What I am listening to: Bitches Brew - Miles Davis

Public Service Announcement

Regular readers: Excuse me for a bit, but this is the easiest way for me to reach a whole bunch of folks....many who know me through "education" sources.

(Special) Education announcement:

The New Jersey Department of Education has scheduled 3 public hearings to be held on Monday, December 18, 2006 to discuss the report on the cost of education which was just released by the DoE. If you have a child attending school in New Jersey that is receiving any type of special service it is imperative that you get involved!

The hearings will be held at Burlington County College in Mt. Laurel and Kean University in Union (the three remote locations are: Pomona, Randolph and Lincroft). Testimony will be limited to 5 minutes. If you would like to testify or you need additional information email me.

The report can be read here.
Press release for the hearings can be viewed here.

Stories I've been meaning to tell, Pt. 2

The Big E calls this Exhibit 248 of why I should not be allowed to leave the house on my own.

This all happened in 2002 and it is (HANDS DOWN) the most embarassing thing I have ever done. I had just given birth to Mr. Little Man and I was at the grocery store buying diapers and formula and baby cereal and in general ruminating on all things childlike. I was new to the whole parent thing and I was trying to figure out what type of baby cereal to buy. I guess this poor stranger walking down the aisle saw that I was completely lost and decided to offer up some help. He starts explaining the difference in cereals and he is asking what sounds like really intelligent baby questions (I say "sounds" because again, new parent, I had no idea). We end up having this very long conversation about babies and kids and it turns out that he is a doctor (a resident....in pediatrics, hence all the baby knowledge). We start talking about books and music and we find we have alot in common. So, he gives me his number and invites me to lunch and tells me to call him whenever I have a question. This was not a "I want to date you" type of situation; I was definetly not getting that vibe.

I look at the paper on which he wrote the number and I see that his name is Gary. Right away my mind zaps to the "Ambiguosly Gay Duo" from Saturday Night Live and I start singing the the theme song. The problem is that my hormones hadn't balanced themselves out yet and I was using my "out loud" voice instead of my "inside my head" voice. Gary asks me if I am singing the Ambiguously Gay Duo song. I know I have mentioned my campaign of brutal honesty in the past but I was so caught off guard at his question that I completly denied it and said, "no". Clearly that was a lie and I'd been caught, but I tried, to no avail, to deny it. Of course, I was both embarrassed and feeling like a complete ass, but thank god he had a sense of humor about it.

So I start to explain to him that I didn't think he was gay and that I have lots of gay friends so if he was gay I wouldn't care and that either way I had been harboring a secret desire to be someone's fag hag and that I hoped he wasn't offended by the term fag hag and then finally (FINALLY!) I was able to shut up for 2 seconds and stop digging myself further into a hole. He was laughing the entire time I was babbling. I took the piece of paper he gave me with his name written on it, turned it over and wrote my name and number on it and gave it to him. I figured that if he ever wanted to speak to me again he could call me. Long story short, he didn't. But can you really blame him?

What I am reading: Arabesque - Claudia Roden. Also, this Slate article......I am totally buying that book.
What I am listening to: Amy Winehouse - Love is a loosing game. I finally got around to downloading her newest album. I love Amy Winehouse....I love her honesty, I love her pain, I love her voice; I love that she is (essentially) a hot fucking mess. Oh, who am I kidding? If I were in my early twenties and we ran in the same social circle she'd be my best friend.

Pimp my best friend

Last night JL mentioned to me that she was holding "open auditions" for a date for her company Christmas party. My mind immediately ran a mental picture of her sitting behind a desk interviewing men. Of course the line stretched through her office building and down the street. Picture below (she's cute, right?):



She sent me this list of requirements:
1. must meet height requirement - 5'10" or taller
2. must have job
3. must have own car
4. must not be annoying
5. must not be obnoxious
6. must not talk about how much money he makes, etc., to impress
7. must be fun
8. cannot be outright ugly
9. no missing limbs
10. good in bed (optional, as sex is not guaranteed)

SIDEBAR: Do you know any man (any man at all) that will tell you he sucks in bed?
Also, I am adding something:
11. must have pulse

Now, while conversing about these open auditions she made mention that she thinks that men find her desperate, but looking at the list of requirements I don't think so. I mean, she hasn't progressed to dating ugly, annoying, unemployed men without limbs. And it isn't like she doesn't have something to offer in return (she owns a business, a car and her own home). Plus, she is funny.

At this point in the entry I would ordinarily start to try to figure out why men and women are so different but i don't want to get all Sex and the City on you (I hated that show). And, in all reality, I don't know. No idea. At all. I want to know...it would help me tremendously in my personal life, but no one will tell me because I don't think anyone knows. Lets get back on track, shall we?

I would love to see her meet a nice, non-obnoxious member of the opposite sex and fall in love and get married. Hell, I'd love for any member of the the bitch posse to get married....not just me. I have been on dating hiatus for 5 years (except for Joe, but he doesn't count because that was more friendship than anything) and I'm still doing penance for past sins against Mr. Little Man's father.

First things first I guess - Lets Find a date for JL! So, ignoring her specifications and moving onto mine (the ability to fog up a mirror) I'm sure she'll have a date before the week is out.

What I am reading: The Zappos website. I do adore shoes, what can I say?
What I am listening to: Ella Fitgerald & Louis Armstrong - Stars Fell on Alabama

St. Nicholas Day

Today is St. Nicholas Day (this link was the closest approximation I could find to how we actually celebrate the day). In the German tradition today is the day that children get presents from Santa Claus. Sometimes Santa and his slave (yes, SLAVE......German folklore and fairytales are BRUTAL) come to visit and interrogate you about your behavior, but its actually a much nicer experience than they way it sounds. You put your boots outside your door before you go to bed and in the morning you have gifts. Christmas is celebrated on the 24th and 25th, but it is much more of a religous holiday.

I have been talking up St. Nicholas Day to Mr. Little Man for a little while now (omitting the portion about the slave for obvious reasons)and he seemed a bit excited. He never tried to open any gifts before and he always ignores what is below the tree. This morning when I came out of the shower I heard the unmistakable sound of wrapping paper (WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN WHILE I'M IN THE SHOWER?). I found him sitting at the dining room table unwrapping gifts (not just his). All in all he had a really good morning.



Also, click here to read David Sedaris' brilliant story "Six to Eight Black Men" which describes the Dutch tradition of St. Nicholas Day.

What I am reading: Please see the above link
What I am listening to: Kate Havnevik - Unlike Me

Just Because

Today would have been my grandparent's 53rd wedding anniversary. When I think of my grandparents now I realize that 18 months after their death I'm finally over the depression and I am more focused on the good stuff.

I thought I'd post their wedding picture just because:

Nothing but the Nets

Last Saturday Keith and I went to the Nets/Sixers game. I can't tell you how long I had been looking forward to both the game and hanging out with Keith. Highlights:

Greasy burgers before the game
Excellent seats (I can NOT go back to nosebleeds. I can't afford to always get the great seats. So, I am in a quandry).
Heineken
3 1/2 hours of non stop laughing
Awesome game.....my team (the Nets) wiped the floor with Keith's team (the 76ers).....by 5 whole points
ice cream

Pictures:




Please note that I asked the gentleman in the seat next to us to take our picture. When I handed him the camera I said, "Don't worry, the camera is idiot proof", which came out completely wrong, but totally explains the picture.


What I am reading: The Economist
What I am listening to: 10,000 Maniacs - In My Tribe

Attention Advertisers

I know that this is the Christmas season and every retail chain is advertising on television. However, I have to address this because it is DRIVING ME NUTS.

Diamond retailers have no business advertising during the same commercial break as the movie trailer for Blood Diamond. I see that ad and I can't even think about buying diamonds.

If you do not know what a blood diamond or conflict diamond is click HERE.

As cheesy as jewelery commercials are; they're also a bit romantic and I get all warm and fuzzy inside and two seconds later I am thinking of people being exploited for the sake of war and financial gain. It may not be the best strategy you can use for selling your wares. I'm just saying.

What I am reading: Vinegar Hill - A. Manette Mansay......y mother buys all of the books from Oprah's book club and then sends them to me.
What I am listening to: Reunion - Maxwell