Woody

About 9 years ago I started to date McJackass. McJackass was on a pool team and occasionally I'd tag along with him to some of Union County's seedier establishments to play pool. On my first of these visits I sauntered up to the bar and ordered myself a Guinness. The man sitting next to me just stared and eventually he struck up a conversation with me. It turned out he was also on the pool team and he and I just hit it off. By the end of the night we were old friends. He introduced himself as Woody. I told McJackass that if I wasn't dating him Woody could not run fast enough from me.

And over the years our friendship grew. Every year we'd go to sporting events and the Springsteen concert became our summer ritual. Woody was like a little brother even though he was a couple of years older than me. He was an ex-Marine that valued his friends and his family above all else. Giants Stadium seats about 78,000 people and every time we went there we'd bump into 5 or 6 people that he knew. Everyone loved him.

Woody nursed me through 2 break-ups. After my break-up with McJackass I spent a week sleeping on his floor. When I found out I was pregnant I spent a week sleeping on his couch. I hadn't made a decision about what I was going to do and he very patiently and very impartially helped me weigh all my options. When I decided I could raise a child on my own he became my biggest cheerleader.

After my grandparents died he would often show up unannounced and press his bare ass against my glass door. He did immature things to make me laugh. When I complained that I need Mr. Little Man's father to be a functioning adult for the sake of his child he'd point out that I was incorrect because I never needed him before. He also had a talent for reminding me of the things I already knew.

Woody died on Tuesday. He had a stroke and was taken off of life support. Broken hearted does not even remotely begin to describe the way that I am feeling.

I will miss our annual arguments about who will win the Army / Navy game. I will miss discussing the college basketball brackets. I will miss playing fantasy sex camp with him (a story for another time). I will miss karaoke (he was an amazing singer), I will miss his stupid t-shirts and his stupid Marvin the Martian socks. I will even miss my life flashing before my eyes every time I get into a car with him.

I wonder who will now provide the entertainment at my Christmas party. I wonder who will now call my son by his actual given name and plow him full of chocolate when I'm not looking. I wonder who I'll call to come have "hangover breakfast" with me. Who will call me Schmoopie and send me texts with pictures of their conquests? Who will call me when I'm driving home and ask me to stop for a beer?

More than anything I will just miss his friendship, his love of life (and no one lived life to fullest more than he did and for that I am grateful) and his infectious laugh.



Donald Fallon
February 23 1968 - October 7 2008

Ex-Boyfriend Week

You know how The Discovery Channel has Shark Week and TBS has Bond Week? Well, I am officially declaring this Ex Boyfriend Week. OK, I probably don't have enough ex boyfriends to fill up an entire week...but I could probably keep this up for 3 or 4 days.

The Exes have been coming out of the woodwork for about a month or two. It's completely out of the blue and it's gotten to the point where I can't ignore them. And honestly, I'm so blindsided by their sudden re-appearance that my desire to figure out why they are making their presence known outweighs any common sense I can muster. The common sense would tell me to turn and run, but, like a moth to the flame I'm stuck there.

So, I'm going to do what any self respecting woman I know would do; I've decided to tell stories about them on my blog.

Day 1 - McJackass

OK, he isn't called McJackass because we had a bad break-up. We had as amicable a break-up as was possible. We really, really, tried to stay friends, because first and foremost thats what we were. It was hard work, but we were making a lot of headway...and then we had the mother of all knock-down drag-outs. And I said some horrible, horrible things to him (things I won't even repeat here because you'll never think of me in the same way).

Anyway, McJackass was damn near bald. He was 10 years older than me and I've got a thing for bald guys, so I was good to go. He, on the other hand, hated being bald. I had really, really long hair at that time.

Also, despite the beginning of the next line let me assure you that this is NOT a sex story. I have no sex stories because I am still a virgin (ignore the fact that I have a child and go with it).

So anyway, at night when we went to bed he would wait until he thought I was asleep. He'd snuggle really close to me; back to back. And then he would put all of my hair on top of his head and pretend it was his. No, really.

At the time I thought it was kind of endearing. Now I just think it's funny. Because I am the meanest queen in the cafeteria.

And because it's only fair...if McJackass had a blog he would tell you that I: snored, ate liverwurst and wouldn't shave my legs for a week in the winter.

What I am reading: The Business of Fancydancing - Sherman Alexie. I've read this about 20 times, but I grabbed it off the bookshelf last night. I needed something quick that I could get into before the Nyquil kicked in.
What I am listening to: Arcade Fire - No Cars Go

Thank God Thats Over

Last night I was driving Mr. Little Man to Swim Club and (due to an accident) I opted for a different route than what we usually drive.

So, anyway, we are leisurely driving down the street when I see a man in the distance wearing a wife beater, jeans and a fedora. And I immediately think to myself that:

A. Its 102 degrees
B. A fedora and a wife beater? WHO? WHAT? WHY?
C. That there is never a fug girl around when you need one

Then I get closer and I realize that it is an exboyfriend of mine (the same one who christened me Layzbugs; whom we shall refer to as "McJackass" in the future). Then I immediately thought, "Oh, thank God thats over".

What I am reading: Lately, I've only been reading to Mr. Little Man. We've been going to swim club almost every day so there isn't alot of time for reading.
What I am listening to: Summer Breeze - The Isley Brothers