Oh, Heavens to Betsy

It's been a slow Saturday at Niles Towers and I've been reading The Gue's blog. He's been writing a series of "retro blogs" that tell stories from his misbegotten youth. I decided to take a page from him and also tell a story....from his misbegotten youth.

About 7 or 8 years ago, when The Gue first bought his house in New Jersey he had a rather large housewarming party. Even though I'd known The Gue for a few years this was going to be the first chance I'd had to meet many of his friends. I'd heard stories about most of them and I was familiar with their antics (and vice versa) so I was really looking forward to the party.

One of the couples at the party were The Gue's best friend and his wife. For the purpose of this story we will call them Jim and Betsy. We're also going to call them that because those are their actual names. I do not know what The Gue had told them about me prior to the party and more importantly, even now, years later, I am convinced I do not want to know. It's fair to say that The Gue likes to keep everyone informed.

The party was a huge hit and I met alot of people. The Gue was mingling and telling jokes (as he does), the liquor was flowing and I was spending a good portion of time with Jim and Betsy. Now this party came at the height of my illustrious career as a smoker. And I spent some time on the patio doing what I did best. Betsy was my sidekick. She was such a sweet girl and she kept paying me compliments (at one point she told me I had gorgeous hair and she kept running her fingers through it and asking me what kind of conditioner I used because my hair was incredibly soft).

I go back to mingling and I happen to bump into The Gue in his kitchen and he remarks that he's noticed that Betsey and I have hit it off. And, of course, we had. I didn't have a single bad thing to say about her; she was totally sweet. At this point The Gue decides to drop a bomb on me and tell me that Jim and Betsy are swingers. I started to feel like a lonely gazelle wandering through a field of lions. Betsy was a predator and I had become the prey without even realizing it. Honestly, how many times has one of your female friends run her fingers through your hair? None. Why? Because that's only done when you're trying to seduce someone. Again, I just can't tell when someone is interested me.

What I am reading: I've ordered books. I did thumb through the latest issue of "The Economist" but I'm not sure that counts as reading.
What I am listening to: Badly Drawn Boy - Promise

How much of this craziness can I blame on hormones?

So, you know how it's been a very long time since I've had the company of a man? Well, apparently I don't remember alot about what it means to keep the company of a man. And now I am confused. Not by him, but by me. I am turning into a girl.

I've always heard my girlfriends complain about how so and so isn't calling or he was late or he did XYZ and OH MY GOD the world is gonna end. And whenever that happens I always give the same advice, which is essentially to stop being such a girl and quit:

A. Expecting him to read your mind
B. Taking a very small thing and blowing it completely out of proportion
C. Telling him that everything is "fine" when it clearly is not

It always breaks my heart a little to see women that are smart, sexy and funny reduced to former shadows of themselves because a man couldn't read their mind. It's a rule of the universe that men, as a whole, are not clairvoyant. If you tell him what's bothering you the two of you can usually work it out in under 5 minutes, instead of you stewing about it for days. But you know what; I'm turning into one of these women (see option B above. OK, maybe a combination of options A and B). It's making me uncomfortable, but I don't know how to stop. My girl hormones are taking over.

And now, I want to talk about my feelings. I am turning into everything I abhorr. God, help me.

What I am listening to: Fleetwood Mac
What I am playing on the Wii: Golf. Mr. Little Man got a Wii for Christmas and holy crap, that is the greatest invention ever.

Top 10 music picks of 2007

Last year I made a list of my favorite music of 2006. I liked making the list so I made another one for 2007. The problem was I had a hard time coming up with 10 CDs. I don't know if the music that was released in 2007 wasn't as good as previous years or if I just didn't buy as many complete CDs this year as in years past. Either way, here is the list:

1. Undiscovered - James Morrison. I downloaded this is 2006, but it wasn't released in the US until 2007 which is why it made this list. A solid first effort by the young Mr. Morrison. I don't know what they're putting in the water in the UK but they've got an extraordinarily large proportion of great soul singers.
2. Our Love to Admire - Interpol. They moved up to a major label and yet sound the same as they always do. It's a good thing because I was a little worried. this is just an all around good CD.
3. Under the Blacklight - Rilo Kiley. RK albums are pretty much all the same for me. That is to say that I generally hate 2 or 3 (15, Smoke Detector)of the songs on each CD with a burning passion but love the rest so absolutely that they CDs will consistently make the "Best Of" list. Jenny Lewis is, as usual, awesome and Blake Sennet really steps up his game (I hated the last The Elected CD). Hooray, Hooray, I'm your silver lining.
4. Twelve Stops and Home - The Feeling. I am a sucker for British pop. And music that makes me happy. The Feeling makes me inexplicably happy (just go listen to "Fill My Little World").
5. Boxer - The National. I always have a hard time describing The National to anyone. I want to call them "melancholy" or "depressing", but they are neither. I suspect the word I am looking for is subtle. This is not in your face music. It's subtle, it sneaks up on you and you'll love it.
6. Graduation - Kanye West. It's a good ass shaking CD. 'Nuff said.
7. Wincing the Night Away - The Shins. I'll admit it; I have a soft spot for The Shins. Always have, always will. And no, they still don't make sense.
8. The Con - Tegan and Sara. I was introduced to Tegan and Sara via Grey's Anatomy...and I am ashamed. They're so good I can't believe I didn't hear about them earlier. They sound better on The Con than they did on previous albums...and they have retained their "too honest" lyrics.
9. Reminder - Feist. Everybody knows "1,2,3,4", but the rest of the CD deserves a listen. It would be a shame if Feist was only branded into our memory because of an iPod commerical...she's much better than that.
10. Challengers - The New Pornograhers. I stumbled upon TNP when I learned it was a sideline project of my beloved Neko Case. These folks just write damn good songs. "We are the challengers of the unknown!" Indeed.

Honorable Mentions
Kala - M.I.A.
Volta - Bjork
Victorious - The Perishers
New Moon - Elliot Smith

Lets talk Christmas commercials, shall we?

Every December retail stores take to the television to advertise their latest wares. And to send a message that you have to spend a lot of money to make women happy. It annoys the living fuck out of me.

Exhibit A: The Lexus "December to Remember sales event". OK, here is what I need to know: who buys their spouse a $70,000 car for Christmas? That pretty much makes topping next year's gift impossible. And more importantly, how do you spend that much money without first talking to your significant other? Should this not be a joint decision? Can we not keep the car we have and instead take a nice little vacation and put the rest of the money in our savings account? What if they're horrified....all large purchases should be discussed. Clearly, I don't know what it means to be rich.

The Victoria's Secret Christmas commercials. I need to take a survey; if you are a woman and you like receiving underwear for Christmas EMAIL ME. You should also email me if your husband / boyfriend / sadomasochistic lover knows your bra size; because in my mind that whole underwear for Christmas thing remains an enigma.

The Macy's commercials wherein Jessica Simpson acts like a complete idiot. There are 3 or 4 different ones and in every single one she is depicted as being dumber than dirt. Just stop; I can't take it anymore. Jess: You've built your career on being stupid. Your career sucks, so maybe it's time to try something new. It's an idea you should consider because I refuse to believe you are THAT stupid.

And then there is this commercial. The source of everything I loathe about the commercialization of Christmas.



First off what is wrong with being "that guy"? If I'm lucky enough to have a man that spends time with me and is willing to paint my toenails while I lay on the couch and drink coffee then I'm pretty much going to think that my life is perfect. Diamonds are not going to top that and every woman I know wants to be with "that guy" if she's lucky enough to find him. Shut up diamond industry (and be less annoying)! And also, to continue my rant: if you're a woman and you want something why do you need a man to purchase it for you?

What I am reading: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not. I stopped a while ago.
What I am listening to: Girlfriend - NSYNC and Nelly. Don't even try to pretend that you don't know the song.

Also, total disclaimer....and yes, I completely get that this may be hypocritical. There is something to be said for an engagement ring. One of these days I may get married again and the engagement ring will help to cushion the blow once he realizes that I may be crazy. The ring can be converted to cash once he leaves me and I can buy shoes to help myself get over the loss.

Retro Video of the Week

There are several videos for this song, however, I could not find the one I was looking for, so you're stuck with this.

The video makes little sense, what with the peregrine falcon just hanging out doing nothing. And yeah, in 1991 we all dance like that. And yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that because I don't remember us looking that stupid (although I now know what my mother feels like when she sees disco footage from the 70s).

Is there such a thing as feeling too comfortable too soon?

You know how you meet someone new and the first couple of months you date them you're in "the honeymoon period"? You make every effort to get them to see your best side. You're nice, you bite your tongue, you make every effort to look great all the time. I don't really believe in the honeymoon period because after the euphoria wears off and you start acting like the real you you sometimes find that you and your new guy don't really like each other as much as you thought you did.

I'm not good at the honeymoon period, which is the biggest reason why I refuse to bow to it. Why be someone that I am very clearly not? I don't look good all the time, I'm moody, I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't know how to bite my tongue. You either like and accept me the way I am or it becomes very clear, very quickly that I am not the girl for you.

I now find myself in a bit of a predicament. Things are going well with the Irish Roommate. He makes me laugh, he makes me think and he has never, ever questioned my love of shoes (Actually, he sent me a link to a website that had nothing at all to do with shoes....but they did sell shoes as a sideline. Of course, I zeroed in on that right away and when I asked him if that was wrong he said, "Of course, that's what you love". That was the first sign that made me realize that I really liked him).

He has offered to make me dinner this week; I find that incredibly sweet because I've never had a man cook for me. The thing that makes me realize that I should perhaps take a step back and re-evaluate the honeymoon period is the following:

When I get home from work everyday the first thing I do is put on my sweats, t-shirt and fleece socks (my feet get cold and then I get miserable. No one wants that). I have every intention on doing the same when I go to his house for dinner.

Is it too soon for that? Am I already way too comfortable? I am picturing this man making me dinner while I have a glass of wine and relax in my sweats. The thing is normally this amount of comfort would freak me out, but I find it oddly comforting and I don't think he'll even give it a second glance.

At what point is it too soon to feel too comfortable?

By The Numbers: The Company Christmas Party

Number of people in attendance: 34
Number of drinks consumed: 3 (in 6.5 hours)
Number of people whose blood alcohol level was above the legal limit: 30
Number of drunk people that tried to kiss me: 3
Number of sober people that tried to kiss me: 0
Number of drunk people who tried to touch me inappropriately: 1
Number of sober people who tried to touch me inappropriately: 0
Number of times I danced: 1 (in an effort to get away from the drunk, inappropriate toucher)

Unrelated: I belong to the PTA. On Tuesday we are throwing a holiday party for the teacher's at my son's school. Tuesday is also the same day that Order of the Phoenix comes out on DVD. My PTA duties are throwing off the geeky fangirl that lives and breathes inside my body because all I want to do is ship my child off to school and lay in bed and watch Harry Potter. The movie wasn't even that great, but Helena Bonham Carter plays a really great Bellatrix Lestrange (just look at how crazy she looks when she disapparates inside the fireplace after the battle at the Ministry of Magic).

Reason #157 why I think I might be on crack

Every year I throw a Christmas Party. Sometimes its 30 people strong, sometimes there are only 6 of us.

This year I am goinng to make turducken. This involves deboning a turkey, a duck and a chicken and stuffing them inside each other.

It's gonna be awesome. What's scary is that I actually think I can do it.

What I am reading: The ABC Book by Dr. Seuss. We've added music. And a dance.
What I am listening to: The Feeling - Helicopter

These are the days

You know how some days you just think to yourself, "It's been one of those days". Well, for me, today has not been one of those days. Days like this have never existed before in my life.

It's not a bad day. It's not a great day. It's a surreal day wherein I question if all of the things I think just happened actually happened. And they did. And I am cautiously optimistic.

To cap it off for dinner I had gingerbread, popcorn and applesauce (and watched Gossip Girl). That's what you eat (and watch) when you don't know whether to be happy or cringe in utter horror.

What I am reading: Nothing. Tomorrow is St. Nicholas Day and since Mr. Little Man is now fast asleep I am putting out the presents.
What I am listening to: The Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence. How did Taking the Long Way escape my best music of 1996 post?

Retro Video of the Week

Retro video of the week, if nothing else, helps me rehash all the music I loved in the 1980s. I loved The Cure. I dated a guy that had hair exactly like Robert Smith (if Robert Smith had had shorter hair). The boy's name was Todd and he introduced me to The Cure and The Dead Milkmen. Thanks Todd; I haven't looked back since!

Either the best advice ever given, or the worst

I am having drinks this afternoon with a friend that will henceforth be referred to as The Irish Roommate. Since he is the proud owner of both a pulse and a penis JL thinks he's fair game.

We were on the phone and she gave me a list of things I had to bring along with me and at the time I wasn't paying a lot of attention.

Our email conversation follows (I had to edit some portion of the convo):
Me: OK, so what do I have to bring with me tomorrow and more importantly why? Also, I know you want him to sleep with him but, no.
JL: If you're not sleeping with him you don't need to bring anything .....if you are sure you will not have sex you can just go and be yourself. Blah, blah, totally boring. I really think you should sleep with him. I need to live vicariously.
Me: And how do you suggest I even broach that subject?
JL: You're kidding me, right? Okayyyyy .... after the beers you will both be loosened up. Then you tell him you'd love to see his apartment. It's really THAT easy! Or, you can say that you'd like to keep talking to him, but maybe in a more private setting ... and suggest a nearby hotel?
Me: I refuse to talk to you about this any longer. Mainly because you make me laugh.
JL: Dude. I am entirely serious. And I can't believe i even have to give you a talk on this. I am telling you how to initiate sex ... YOU ... ummm ... why don't you just tell him you want to ride him till his knees buckle and he pops like warm champagne?

All of my friends are like this. All of them. I think I may need new friends.