Weed-O-Rama

This is a special little note to everyone who has ever felt the need to smoke weed in public: DON'T

I had to make a beer run for the guys at work last Friday. Every Friday, come 5 pm everyone wants to crack open a cold one, whether the work day has ended or not. We are good customers of this particular LQ (thats how we refer to liquor stores at Niles Towers) and they know that every Friday afternoon one of us will show up.

As I'm walking into the store I note that there is a young man leisurely perched against the building, paper bag in hand. For some unknown reason he reminded me immensely of CT. I get our beer and pay and commence to leave. It's getting a wee bit cold here in New Jersey and it was windy today so as soon as I stepped over the store's threshold I smelled it: the unmistakeable scent of cannibis sativa.

I've never been a weed smoker. That sort of thing never held any interest for me, but I very briefly lived in a dorm when I was a college and once you smell it you'll never forget it. I braced myself for a contact high (I may be exaggerating the tiniest bit), but I wasn't sure just where the weed was coming from.

And then I spotted him; the CT look alike, sitting his car. Brown paperbag in one hand and glass pipe in the other. Coincidentally, this sounds alot like something CT would have done prior to getting bogged down with a wife, child and mortgage.

And the thing is this has been happening to me alot lately. I smell weed in the oddest places. Am I imagining this or are people become more brazen with their drug use? And before you even suggest it, it's not a reflection of the neighborhood I'm in.

Regarding Christmas: Mr. Little Man is, in fact, getting a Wii. His occupational therapist thinks it will help his motor skills as long as he doesn't play more than 30 minutes a day. I am in no way ashamed to tell you that I added Guitar Hero to his Amazon wish list. Together we will rock out to the dulcet tones of Heart's "Barracuda". I also briefly toyed with the idea of adding Dance Dance Revolution, but we'd never leave the house if we owned that.
What I am listening to: The Quiet Storm on the radio. Right now they are playing Luther Vandross, Anyone Who Had A Heart. Sample lyrics: Anyone who ever loved could look at me / And know that I love you / Anyone who ever dreamed could look at me /And know I dream of you. Burt Bacharach wrote this song, which I didn't know before tonight. He also wrote "A House Is Not A Home". I bow before the master of the love song.

Conundrum

Very few of my friends know that this blog exists. There are many reasons behind this decision and I joke that mainly its because I will eventually talk about them here. It's a joke because if I have anything mean to say about someone it will come in the form of a full frontal verbal assault, but hey, you never know.

I started blogging just because I needed a place to vent and also to save money on my therapy bill. It's worked out for me. I've also made alot of new friends because of this blog. And now I have a problem. I have no place to go when I want to talk about my internet friends.

Ignore the full frontal attack habit for a moment and think about it. Sometimes you just need a spot to work out your aggression without being mean. Sometimes you need to say something like, "I slept with my ex-boyfriend's sister", but both your ex-boyfriend AND his sister read the blog so where can you go? Also, just so you know I never slept with my ex-boyfriend's sister.

Or maybe you meet someone new and you figure the easiest way for them to get to know you is to read your blog. And you know what? They love your blog and then they ask you to never, EVER, write about them because they are smart enough to know that when you're a blogger everything is fair game and every little thing has the potential to become a feature story. Like your friend making a sandwich out of the pre dinner salad and bread.

All of these things come together and facilitate the need for a second, super secret blog. Fellow bloggers, what do you say? I think we should make it a group effort.

On an unrelated note I LOVE this shoe:


These are Louboutins and they cost $770.00. Now, I am notoriously cheap, but even if I wasn't I have better things to spend $770.00 on (plus, I'd have to put the same amount of money in Mr. Little Man's college fund). So, what I need is a knock off because I adore this shoe. Tell me where to find them. Also, if you could direct me to the same shoe in maybe a champagne color (oooh, perhaps in a slingback), that would be awesome.

What I am reading: I just bought a bunch of books for Mr. Little Man for Christmas....all Caldecott winners.
What I am listening to: The National - Available

Retro Video of the Week

This video is from 1986. And honestly, I have no idea how I am going to top it because it contains one of the greatest lines ever recorded: "You without me is like cornflakes without the milk."

The Stalker

From the age of 17 to the age of 19 I was in an abusive relationship. It has taken me a very long time to say that. It has taken me longer to come to terms with it.

Ex-boyfriend week kind of came to a screaming halt when I realized that I probably should be writing about this, and I spent 5 days trying to figure out a way to make the story light hearted or funny. But, this story will never be light hearted and it certainly will never be funny.

No one wants to be in an abusive or controlling relationship and when I look back I'm not even sure how I got there. But before I knew it I was living with this man and I was estranged from my family and a large majority of my friends. It's so classic right down to the fact that he would buy me expensive gifts (For my 18th birthday he bought me a Firebird Formula 350....with T tops)and discourage me from getting an education.

I will spare you the really ugly details of the relationship except to say that the thing that made me realize that it was time to go was him trying to kill me. And when I left I told him I was going to visit a friend and I'd be right back...and I left EVERYTHING behind. All of my clothes, my class ring, my toothbrush; essentially everything that I owned that wasn't in my purse. And while I think that it would be nice to have my high school yearbooks and my letter jacket and all that sentimental stuff I don't miss it when I realize I was just lucky to get out of there alive.

I moved 1200 miles away, I started college, I was comfortable and happy and then one day, 6 months later, my unlisted telephone rang. And guess who it was? It was hell all over again. My room mates left for winter break and I couldn't even take a shower in my own house because I was scared that he'd see it as an opportune time to kill me. I did eventually get a restraining order, but let's face it...if someone wants to kill you then a piece of paper will do little to stop them.

The mental hold an abuser has on his "victim" (for lack of a better word, because I don't ever want to be thought of that way) is insurmountable. It took me years to stop looking over my shoulder and feel safe in my own home. But I got through it and I can't imagine anyone ever having that kind of control over me again. And I do realize that people that know me that read this entry are going to wonder why I put up with it or why I allowed certain things to happen. But I am the person that I am NOW because of all of the things that happened to me then. The person that I am now would not, for a second, stay in that type of situation.

Statistics tell me that 20% of women have been assaulted by an intimate partner. I don't know what the percentage is for men. All I know is that if you are in this situation please, please, please, get help. Go to your friends, go to your teacher, go to your parents, go to the cops. There are so many people who will help you.

A good place to start:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

And once you decide to be done with the relationship you need to go to therapy. Or a support group. Because the number of people that have lived through relationships like yours are vast. And you are definitely not alone.

The Story of Joe

Ex boyfriend week continues with the story of Joe. Now, Joe wasn't really a boyfriend, but this is a good story. It's also a story within a story so you may have to re-read.

Mr. Little's Man's first birthday party was a big affair. 25 people came from 4 states to attend and I was telling the following story in my kitchen as I was making dinner. In the kitchen with me were: my mother, Jules, Eric, Anthony (and his then fiance Barb) and the Big E.

Joe worked for a company that my place of business employed as a vendor. We talked on the phone everyday for about 15 months before we actually met. I had just had my son and he used to call me at home while I was on maternity leave to check on me and see how I was doing. One day he suggested that maybe I needed to get out of the house so he invited me out and I happily accepted. I was not thinking this was a date, because, again, I was born without the ability to tell when a man is interested in me.

So, he comes over and he brings gifts for Mr. Little Man....the most beautiful baby clothes that I have ever seen in my life. Joe is from an old world Sicilian family and he asked his sister for help (she is a clothing buyer for a boutique in NYC). I got all these gorgeous handmade Italian baby things, including a cashmere jumper. I just felt really blessed that he'd made such a huge effort.

We go out, have a great time and close the place down. It was the most fun I had in a year. We did this for three consecutive weeks and each time we ended up closing the place down. We just told stories and laughed. And then I went back to work and didn't have time anymore to hang out. We continued to talk on the phone everyday because of work. I didn't think anything of it.

10 months went by and we both happened to be going on vacation at the same time. We were both going to be flying out of the same airport so we decided to meet for coffee while we waited for our planes. Joe used to be a big guy and when I saw him at the airport I almost fell over. The man had lost over 100 lbs. The difference was dramatic to say the least. I was amazed; he looked really good.

I mentioned the weight loss and the asked why he decided to loose weight. He told me that the previous summer he'd gone on a couple of dates with a girl. They'd had a great time and laughed and at the end of each date he took her home and nothing happened. No hug, no kiss, nothing. He said he really liked her but she didn't reciprocate and he felt like she was turned off by his weight. I went on to say that this wasn't possible and that the girl was just shallow and didn't deserve him.

Now at this point everyone in the kitchen starts laughing. I'm not sure I am in on the joke because I don't know what they are laughing at. Jules says, "You know you're the girl, right?" Everyone in the room agreed that I was the girl. And my mother thinks this is the funniest thing ever.

FUCK! It was a possibility that hadn't even crossed my mind, but the more I considered it the more I saw it as an option. I may be the shallow girl. I wasn't turned off by the weight...I just wasn't thinking romance; hello, I'd just had a baby.

The thing is Joe and I still hang out, we still talk on the phone everyday. He left his place of employment and started his own company (which is THRIVING. He really got his mogul on...and is looking to open an office in Baltimore) and I brought my business to him. And I have never, EVER, gotten up the nerve to ask him if I was the girl.

Incidentally: I was in Starbucks yesterday and they had a caramel pecan muffin that was low fat. How is this even possible? Real caramel + pecans does NOT equal low fat.
What I am listening to: Prince - Pink Cashmere

I know this is NaBloPoMo, but this whole "I have to post everyday" thing is not working out for me. I had a super busy weekend and this morning I spent all my time IMing with a friend. This afternoon my friend Mark from Germany arrived, so blogging hasn't really been at the top of the list of priorities.

This week there are 2 videos. One from me and one from The Gue. Both by A-ha. I won't tell you which is my selection, but I hope you enjoy both.

Ex-Boyfriend Week

You know how The Discovery Channel has Shark Week and TBS has Bond Week? Well, I am officially declaring this Ex Boyfriend Week. OK, I probably don't have enough ex boyfriends to fill up an entire week...but I could probably keep this up for 3 or 4 days.

The Exes have been coming out of the woodwork for about a month or two. It's completely out of the blue and it's gotten to the point where I can't ignore them. And honestly, I'm so blindsided by their sudden re-appearance that my desire to figure out why they are making their presence known outweighs any common sense I can muster. The common sense would tell me to turn and run, but, like a moth to the flame I'm stuck there.

So, I'm going to do what any self respecting woman I know would do; I've decided to tell stories about them on my blog.

Day 1 - McJackass

OK, he isn't called McJackass because we had a bad break-up. We had as amicable a break-up as was possible. We really, really, tried to stay friends, because first and foremost thats what we were. It was hard work, but we were making a lot of headway...and then we had the mother of all knock-down drag-outs. And I said some horrible, horrible things to him (things I won't even repeat here because you'll never think of me in the same way).

Anyway, McJackass was damn near bald. He was 10 years older than me and I've got a thing for bald guys, so I was good to go. He, on the other hand, hated being bald. I had really, really long hair at that time.

Also, despite the beginning of the next line let me assure you that this is NOT a sex story. I have no sex stories because I am still a virgin (ignore the fact that I have a child and go with it).

So anyway, at night when we went to bed he would wait until he thought I was asleep. He'd snuggle really close to me; back to back. And then he would put all of my hair on top of his head and pretend it was his. No, really.

At the time I thought it was kind of endearing. Now I just think it's funny. Because I am the meanest queen in the cafeteria.

And because it's only fair...if McJackass had a blog he would tell you that I: snored, ate liverwurst and wouldn't shave my legs for a week in the winter.

What I am reading: The Business of Fancydancing - Sherman Alexie. I've read this about 20 times, but I grabbed it off the bookshelf last night. I needed something quick that I could get into before the Nyquil kicked in.
What I am listening to: Arcade Fire - No Cars Go

Subliminal Christmas Starts Early This Year....and unrelated topics

I am currently stuck in the hell dimension known as "I have the flu land". It's kicking my ass left and right, but it's the racist's birthday so I ran into work hoping that maybe I could sneeze on her and transmit.

I kid, I kid. The cold meds are making me crazy.

Trust me when I tell you that this post is gonna be all over the map.

So, anyway, I was at Starbucks on Saturday and I noticed the red cups are back. Then I realize the gingerbread latte is also back (Oh sweet heaven, thank you). Subliminal messages to purchase Christmas items abound. I grab my coffee and walk over to the Target to buy super glue. Christmas stuff is everywhere and my brain is going into subliminal message overdrive.

This is also, coincidentally the same day that I am supposed to meet The Gue, so I get back in the car and start driving to Princeton. Because The Gue and I are both.....what is the word I am looking for...eccentric? weird? clueless? we don't really have a plan on where to meet other than "Princeton". It's not exactly a town with 1 streetlight, you know?

We narrowed down our meeting place to Route 1, which is a major highway running through Princeton. Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you have an event that needs to be planned The Gue and I can only be entrusted to bring liquor; we should never be asked about contributing to the planning.

I'm driving down Route 1 and I know there is a Pottery Barn there so I stop to check it out. I'll be honest with you, I love the Pottery Barn; I don't want to, but I do. And yes, I heeded the siren call and found myself succumbing to their subliminal messages to purchase Christmas decorations. The Gue walked in (have you ever seen a manly man inside a Pottery Barn....it's like seeing an elephant walking down Main Street; a creature completely out of his native habitat) to find me with my arms full of super cute ornaments. I was buying them for Mr. Little Man's teacher, therapists, aide, bus driver and all the other folks that are currently in what I call "The Autism Army". I am going to tie them to their presents. Please note I have no idea what to get any of these folks, because honestly? How do you say thank you for what they do?

Now, back to the story about The Gue. After he narrowly escaped from the PB with his manhood intact we decided to go to Alchemist and Barrister. We ate, we drank, we watched football. I tried to take pictures but certain people would not cooperate. Alternately they decided they didn't want to be featured on the blog stuffing their face.

We've decided that Alchemist and Barrister will now be "our place". If you see us there you can say hi but don't be all blogerazzi.

What I am reading: I just read a Meme from my friend Lee:
72. Has anyone ever used you?
Yes. It was awesome.
What I am listening to: Otis Redding - Change is Gonna Come

Retro Video of the Week #2

I remember when this video first came out. People were calling it a cinematic masterpiece. I used to stare at the TV when it came on and try to figure out who the faces merged (when I show this to Mr. Little Man and explain to him that this fascinated me he will laugh because he was born in the digital age). With technology today I totally think someone should redo it to see what it looks like.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I present to you Godley and Cream "Cry":

Baking Advice

I got this email from a friend today and (with permission) I am reprinting it here:

Hey,

My sister has decided that she wants to start baking and could use some bake books for Christmas. My sister is a horror in the kitchen and you know my track record in that department. I know you bake alot and hoped you could suggest a couple of books. And some equipment.

OK, baking is equal parts luck and science. If you are a beginner I am going to make it really easy for you. Please note that what I am about to suggest will draw the ire of every baker I know, but I am suggesting this for a reason.

Go out and get your sister a copy of The Cake Mix DOctor. Serious bakers will consider this a sacrilege, but the recipes are idiot proof. She'll try a couple and then, once her confidence as a baker skyrockets she can move on to more serious books. I've made alot of the recipes in that book as last minute cakes or even coffee cake for the office and I have never gotten anything less than a rave review.

For the more serious baker I'd suggest The Pie and Pastry Bible or The Complete Book of Baking. Both are easy to follow and contain alot of workable recipes.

Once she goes pro I have a couple of others I'd recommend, but let's just begin with the starter kit.

As for equipment. Until she graduates to a something other than The Cake Mix Doctor I'd just stick with a plain old hand mixer, (2) 10" round pans (and, yes, you will need 2 pans for layer cakes. You can NOT bake the layers at different times because your leavening will fall flat), a 12 cup tube pan and perhaps a loaf pan. Baking can be a serious investment. I have this mixer; it was a gift, but it was ridiculously expensive. And worth every penny. I have a pan for every occassion.

Be patient. Learning to bake takes time. And alot of practice.

What I am reading: Sometimes I think I need to throw a copyright on my emails.What I am listening to: a-ha - The Living Daylights. a-ha used to be my favorite band when I was in Junior High. Their posters covered the walls in my room and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was gonna marry Morten Harket.

Not in my Lifetime

So you know how sometimes you get yourself into a situation and you find yourself asking, "What the hell just happened?", "What is going on?" or perhaps, "How the fuck did I get to this point in my life?". You know you've been there to; don't try to deny it.

I was there today. I caught myself watching Lifetime. Television for Women.

The thing is I don't even know how it happened. Mr. Little Man was feeling under the weather and I went into cook mode. I made 2 kinds of soup (for the freezer), a meatloaf for my landlady, 2 kinds of ravioli, 2 trays of lasagna (all for the freezer, except for, obviously, the meatloaf). I also made a cake to take to work. I finally sat down around 3 pm.

I grabbed a book, sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I kinda flipped through the channels, but nothing good was on (SIDEBAR: I have hundreds of channels....why is nothing on? I know you're saying Nadine, it's Sunday. You're a football fan, but honestly, I wasn't even in the mood for that). So, I settle on a channel, because I like the commercial thats on and I start to read. I'm soaking in the book and I'm halfway into the movie that's playing.

The movie was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute and I'm calling bullshit left and right, but I can't look away. It was like watching a traffic accident. Eventually we get more commercials, some of which are advertising equally stupid movies and thats when I realize. Fuck; I have allowed myself to be sucked in by Lifetime.

And, yes, I watched the rest of the movie.

What I am reading: Cookbooks. I think I may go completely non-traditional for Thanksgiving and make Moroccan food.
What I am listening to: Restless Heart - I'll Still Be Loving You.

How Men Feel About Women....all over New Jersey

Taken at the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel.



Taken in Princeton.

What I am watching: The Big Bang Theory (on CBS Innertube)

Cooking with Wine

Its Friday night in New Jersey and things are shaping up for a nice little weekend (Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time. Sorry, I felt the sudden compulsion to throw in an Old School joke).

Tonight I am racing home, cleaning my house, sorting the laundry. I'm gonna cook with wine (you can read between the lines on that one). I'll roast some root vegetables and make a couple of meals for the freezer.

Mr. Little Man will be out and about tomorrow so I'm gonna meet the Gue for lunch and maybe a movie. More than anything we just kind of need to hang out & bullshit. I did invite him out for a night in Hoboken tomorrow night, but apparently we (or more specifically HE) is getting too old for that. I, on the other hand, am still spry and will probably meet some friends from work there late (I say late because I don't go out until after Mr. Little Man is fast asleep. It just makes no sense to me that you would have someone other than yourself tuck your child in and read them their bedtime story. That's our fun time together).

Sunday, as always, is family day. Depending on the weather we may go to New York City. Or Liberty Science Center. Or we'll build a tent in the living room and watch TV.

Rock and Roll lifestyle, Indeed.

What are your weekend plans?

What I am listening to: George Michael and Mutya Buena - This Is Not Real Love.

Clarity Happens Overnight

OK, let's get one thing straight. I am a girl and as such I tend to overanalyze and let a small thing turn into a very large, all consuming thing. I overthink. This is exactly what happened to me last night. And you know what? It shouldn't have. I meant what I said, not what JL wrote.

A good nights sleep always helps me realize that I am an idiot.

What I am reading: TV Guide. I am not ashamed. I am going to watch TV while I still can. This strike ain't going nowhere...and it shouldn't.
What I am listening to: Tasha Taylor - If Tomorrow Never Comes

JL is right

There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week - Rilo Kiley "Portions for Foxes"

JL is right.
Vanilla sucks.

What I am listening to: James Morrison - The Letter

Amalgame

I am constantly thinking of blog topics at a time when it is inconvenient to post a topic. When I am in the car or making Mr. Little Man's lunch or when I'm at work in the middle of a business meeting. A lot of times I'll just jot the thought down and stick it in my purse. Oftentimes I forgot that I wrote something down or the time has passed for the topic to be relevant (the entire month of October I wanted to write about breast cancer awareness and I just never got around to it).

Eventually, I'll forget that said notes are in my purse and I'll end up with notes that say things like cabbage or running or condoms, but I'll be damned if I know what it is about condoms that I wanted to make you aware of. My memory is failing.

Today I dug 5 notes out of my bag (Jules bought me a new purse because clearly I am the best friend ever) and I found the following notes:

1. movies
2. strike
3. MySpace
4. razor
5. video

Let's see if I can remember what it is about these 5 things I wanted to make you aware of.

#1 - MOVIES
I am psyched about movies coming out this fall. Mainly because some of my favorite books have now been set to film. Actually now that I think about it I'm not that psyched because movies never live up to the brilliance of books.

His Dark Material is now The Golden Compass; early reviews for the film are bad. Maybe I'll wait for this to some on TV.

Persepolis - It's animated. I LOVED this book. I bought alot of copies of it as gifts and I've got high hopes.

Beowulf - Why can't I escape the feeling that the industry will fuck this film up beyond all recognition?

No Country for Old Men - Again, great book and there is lots of potential here to get it right. I'll probably go see this on opening day. Plus, Javier Bardem!

Love in the Time of Cholera - This is my favorite book of all time. I completely identify with it (sad, right?), but I don't know how I feel about turning this into a movie. With Marquez you need to start slow and build and I don't think they made a 4 hour movie. They should have started with something slow like "The Trail of your Blood in the Snow". As a side bonus you've got another delicious serving of Javier Bardem! On the downside Mike Newell directed it and I still feel like he completely screwed up Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

I Am Legend - I have no plans on seeing this. I'm just mentioning it because it's a take on The Omega Man. Charlton Heston always brings Soylent Green to mind and there was no way in hell that I was gonna pass on an opportunity to say "Soylent Green is PEOPLE".


#2 - STRIKE
Ahh, yes, the writer's strike (I'm hoping thats what I wanted to write about because I haven't been bowling since what feels like the dawn of time).

So, if you've been living under a rock the last few days then you haven't heard that the Writer's Guild of America is on strike. Specifically, if your write for a movie or a TV show you should be on strike. Now, I completely understand why they are on strike. Back when VHS tapes first came out the writer's wanted a bit of the residuals from VHS sales, but they didn't get it because they were told that VHS was new technology and untested and the sales wouldn't amount to anything. This time around they've learned their lesson and they want residuals from DVD sales and internet downloads. It's only fair. Why should studios make all the money? I need to see some trickle down (and honestly I am a teamster baby hiding in a non-teamster family)!

So, now everything that hasn't been pre-filmed is down and out. No more Tonight Show, no more Daily Show (although I think it's awesome that John Stewart is paying his writing staff for 2 weeks....out of his own pocket). And once the scripted TV shows run out of pre-taped episodes we will all be stuck watching reality TV or actually getting off our lazy asses and doing something else.

Plus I am convinced that it will give writer's some extra time to think of ways to fix their shows. HEROS - I am looking at you. The Wonder Twins need to do something (anything) or get off the TV; and thats just for starters because the show is dragging. See also, Grey's Anatomy.

#3 - MySpace
JL created a MySpace profile for me a long ass time ago. I still have no idea how to use MySpace. Apparently, it is NOT idiot proof as previously hoped. The thing is people find me on there all the time. It's weird to hear from the kid that used to but his boogers on you in first grade (It wasn't funny then and its not funny now. You've left my psyche permanently scarred. FUCKER.).

#4 - RAZOR
I can not imagine that I wanted to deliver a lecture about leg shaving, so I am guessing I wanted to talk about the Battlestar Galactica Razor movie. The movie is supposed to air on Sunday, November 24 at 9 pm. Thats Thanksgiving weekend. Lots of out-of-towners will be around so the bar scene will be hopping. Where will I be? Getting my BSG fix. Maybe some of the out-of-towners will be dorks and will want to come over and eat chocolate and watch BSG. If I get a crowd maybe I'll make cupcake shaped like robots (I'm picturing it and man, are they going to be awesome. If things go really well I'll make some R2D2 ones as well...even if they don't necessarily fit the theme).

#5 - VIDEO
Ahh, yes. The pièce de résistance! The Gue and I (of course) were talking about things we'd be blogging. He always blogs whats at the top of his iTunes rotation. When I went to visit him a couple of months ago we spent a large portion of the day watching music videos from the 80s. A idea was born: the retro video of the week (please note that when I say "week" I really mean whenever I think of something. You can't place unfair time restraints on someone who regularly forgets damn near everything).

I present to you one of the greatest videos of the 80s:


And yes, the quality really was that bad in 1984.

What I am listening to: Tapes 'n Tapes - Omaha

CD Baby!

I am a music aficionado. I can not help it. Some folks become drug addicts...I am a music addict.

The digital age has allowed me to stop buying CDs. I download everything. Occasionally I fall in love with an artist who is not on a major label. This makes downloading difficult, and I have to revert back to the CD.

Yesterday I bought a CD off one such the site; CD Baby. They sent me this email:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Sunday, November 4th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby



These folks are such smart asses and I love them for it. I may have to go back to buying CDs just to see what kind of email they will send me next.

An unrelated word about downloads: I download from several different sites. JL has the password to one such site and occasionally I'll log on and see that "someone" has downloaded some weird ass shit using my account. I'm talking about things like the Legally Blond soundtrack or The Spice Girls.
What I am listening to: Cansei der Ser Sexy - Hot Hot Sex. The name of the band (hereafter referred to as CSS) means "I'm tired of being sexy" in Portuguese. And you know what? I AM tired of being sexy all the time. It's hard work. I am here to testify that I am living proof that its a very short journey from being sexy all the time to walking around in sweat pants with unbrushed hair. Ummm, not that I would EVER do that.

Weekend Update

When I was growing up my father was in the military so we lived all over the world. You move around; you collect friends. It was a way of life. I went to college; I collected friends. I've lived in 6 counties in New Jersey. Guess what? I collected friends. Its safe to say I've got friends all over the place.

I always feel bad when they call me up and ask me to fill them in on what has been going on in my life. My friends are doing exciting things like dropping out of law school and having multiple children and hiking Machu Picchu. My idea of excitement is buying several family packs of chicken and going home to divide it into 2 person portions for the freezer. You can't compare that to going to the lost city of the Incas.

This post is for all my friends. I'd hoped to delay you finding out how completely boring I am, but in all honesty I can't hide in any longer.

Mr. Little Man Update - He is doing really, really well. No matter what happens I can always gush about my child. He is going for individual speech therapy twice a week and it has made a huge difference. His diction and articulation has improved to the point where people are remarking that he is understandable. No, he still doesn't willingly speak, nor does he have a large vocabulary, but this is already such a huge step for him.

He is also starting to spell 3 letter words and he thinks rhyming is the funniest thing ever. Cat, Mat, Bat, Hat....that sort of thing.

The Cookie Dough update - CD & I haven't spoken in several weeks. With the exception of my grandfather I have never in my life met someone who is so much like me. It's almost like looking in the mirror. We had a huge blow out about something stupid. He says he won't speak to me until I apologize. I won't speak to him until he apologizes. The thing is that now whenever we lay eyes on each other we just start laughing because we're both waiting for something that is never going to happen. This may be the week that we finally get over it and go back to be friends.

Other personal stuff - Filet Mignon was on sale this week. I bought a huge one and cut it up into individual portions for the freezer.

Work is good. The racist is still there & she is hanging in. No matter how much crap we give her. And we all do. I almost feel bad for her.

Yeah, my family is still insane. I may be going to visit for Thanksgiving and I've broken out all my old psychology notes so that I can diagnose them all at the dinner table. I figure it will save them a couple of bucks and time spent at the shrink's. It's times like this I really wish I could write prescriptions. Or at least get some meds myself for the impending visit. Don't get me wrong; I love my family. I sometimes just feel like I only love them because they live 800 miles away.

CT is well. My nephew (hereafter to be referred to as Baby X) is awesome and just celebrated his first birthday. My sister in law.....well, let's talk about something more pleasant like syphillis or herpes.

And, no, I still haven't fulfilled my lifelong dream of winning the lottery. But I am totally considering selling my body on the street to finance Mr. Little Man's college fund. The problem is that I just don't think I get more than 2 bits for it.

What I am listening to - Tasha Taylor - Stand. If you don't know who she is you should check her out here or here.

Let me tell you about my snake

The powers that be have blessed me with a child that has a hatred of all 4 legged mammals (and most things that qualify as 2 legged mammals as well). As such the purchase of a pet is somewhat difficult. We used to have a goldfish named "Hollywood". Mr. Little Man always attempted to hand feed him and I think that honestly the poor thing finally just died of a heart attack. We flushed him and Mr. Little Man gave him an enthusiastic wave and screamed, "Goodbye Hollywood". It's possible he has seen Finding Nemo one too many times.

Every year we take a trip to Baltimore to the Aquarium, which he loves. He could care less about the fish what he really loves are the reptiles and amphibians. He has taken a very keen interest in frogs and turtles.

For the last 6 months or so I've really gotten interested in getting him a pet. Every 5 year old boy should have a pet, right? I have never been to keen on the idea of a cat. It's probably fair to say they creep me out and I hate them with the burning fury of 1,000 suns; so that is not an option. Lots of folks in the neighborhood have dogs and every single time one crosses out path Mr. Little Man screams in terror; so that isn't an option either. What we've got here folks leads straight down the path of the "nontraditional pet".

I settled on a turtle. I was going to name her "Truly Scrumptious"....just like in that cinematic masterpiece, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Alas, turtles are illegal in my state (salmonella). Our next stop was a frog, but I didn't want a boring old tree frog; I was looking for something carnivorous. They, too are hard to come by (side bar: my room mate and I had an Argentine Horned frog in college. His name was ROcket and he did not eat for 15 months).

I finally settled on getting some type of lizard. Preferably a vegetarian species. An iguana or chameleon would be pretty cool. Perhaps even a gecko (they have awesome toe pads or setae or whatever they're called). The chameleon would have been awesome, but was disqualified due to it's status as a meat eater. What I ended up with was a snake.

My friends Nick and Ray are leaving New Jersey for the bright lights of Las Vegas. Nick has a snake that he found in his yard 2 years ago that he has adopted as a pet. It didn't have a name so I've decided to call her Rick. A mash-up of Nick and Ray, since I am going to miss them tremendously. Rick is a very small snake; only about 8" long. Considering Nick had her for such a long time I feel like she should be bigger, but she has been eating regularly so I'm not gonna worry about it. Honestly, my days of taking care of 15' snakes are over.

And yes, I'll save that story for another time.

If this were Grey's Anatomy: I would be the Christina Yang to JL's Meredith Grey.
What I am listening to: Matt Nathanson - Car Crash

This weekend I took my car for an oil change. I hate this chore; it is one of my least favorite things to do.

I used to change my own oil, which was much more convenient for me because I could do it at my leisure, without having to wait in line, but time is a luxury I no longer have. Back to the story.

In addition to my oil change I also asked for a tire rotation. I always go to the same place to get this stuff down. They have a long driveway with the garage sitting on top of a little hill. When you back out of the garage bays you are essentially going downhill.

So, the technician changes the oil and then does the tire rotation. He completes the whole thing and proceeds to back my car out of the bay. It suddenly becomes clear to me that the tech does not know how to drive a car with a standard transmission because as the car is rolling down the hill the engine is revving much more than it should...it's also not moving forward in any way. I'm not even going to mention the extremely panicked look on his face. He made it about halfway down the hill before he had the good sense to step on the brakes. He took a minute to get his composure before he attempted to once again move the car up the hill. It didn't work and he ended up rolling further down the hill and hitting a woman who was walking down the sidewalk. No, really. He didn't hit her hard; it was more like a "tap", but it was still enough to freak me out.

As though this wasn't enough after she got done yelling at him he attempted moving the car a third time. This time the car just rolled into the street into oncoming traffic. Honestly, my heart damn near stopped as I was thinking about what my liability would be in all of this. Luckily no one hit him, but there were enough people honking and yelling (this is Jersey after all) that it attracted the attention of the manager who came out to move the car (because I was still frozen in place picturing the inevitable lawsuits).

The placated me with some strong coffee and the offer to "bum a smoke". Sometimes I am just too easy to pacify.

What I am reading: Once again it is November.....that's NaBloPoMo so my brain only has room to think about posts.
What I am listening to: The Perishers - Get Well Soon

A Brief Conversation with my mother

The phone rings I RUN to answer it.

Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Ummm, talking to you on the phone. I had to run to catch it in time.
Mom: Are you in your underwear?
Me: Ummm, yes. But only because I had to run to catch the phone.
Mom: Are your blinds open?
Me: (with annoyance in my voice) Yes, mother.
Mom: Close them, nobody wants to see you in your underwear.
Me: Stop calling me.

That conversation should explain everything about me.

What I am reading: EW
What I am listening to: Borne - The Guide